AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

I think because most people who are forced to take two bays would use common sense and realise displaying a BB would mitigate against any assumptions that the driver was being a space hog instead of doing it out of necessity.

Standard bays don’t offer enough space to deal with a wheelchair - that’s the whole point. If she had simply parked in an empty bay and others parked next to her while she was in the shop, she wouldn’t have been able to get DH back in the car.

Given the vigilante parking and speed of the response is anyone else wondering if the father was an off duty policeman?

We don’t know he saw the badge . Even if there was a badge there he might not have seen it. There are a lot of assumptions being made here . For all we know the car with the teenager in it may have had a passenger who was not able bodied who needed space to get out the other side . No excuse for throwing language like “fucking cunt “ around the place at all

You were massively unreasonable. I can't imagine why on earth you would think you weren't in the wrong here.

Your behaviour was disgusting, that lad did nothing wrong and should not have been the target of your frustration. Get a grip. You have no idea what that lad is currently dealing with. Disgusting.

Anyone who has a ounce of common decency would take out their anger on a child.

Christ, where I live you can barely get one police officer to attend, even for something serious, never mind two! Have they not got anything more pressing for their officers to do?
I wouldn't apologise, I don't think (although I wouldn't swear like that in the first place anyway). But you weren't swearing at the boy.
What happens if you don't make the formal apology?

There are a few options though:

• Op could have parked with her passenger door facing out to the lane, so no one could block her in.
• if someone did block her in, she could move her car so she could let her DH in
• the chances of someone parking next to her car at the far reaches of the car park are probably smaller than someone blocking her in because she used two bays

So they can magically find a better resolution of the threat of a fine is there? Interesting.

I don’t think I will take OPs word for it. After all, she’s adamant she didn’t swear at a child, whilst her story shows that she did, in fact, swear at a child.

What method are they suggesting the formal apology takes? Writing a letter? Or are you expected to meet them in person and apologise?

Parking across two spaces because you need to get a wheelchair in and out of the car and not displaying blue badge wouldn’t make any sense, because the badge itself would go some way towards explaining to other users why the car was parked like that.

swearing at him would be her telling him he's a cunt. But she didn't so no she's not swearing at him.

You could take a Joe Lycett approach to your apology. I’d probably go with that approach tbh.

While not relevant to the OP... not all wheechair users are considered disabled enough to qualify for a Blue Badge.

Who was she swearing at then?

I'm an adult and I'd be really upset by that encounter. I completely understand why you lost it and, you're right, the dad is clearly a cunt (I don't know why people are even questioning you; it's obvious the dad parked like that deliberately to make a point about you using two spaces), but you went a bit too far. I would be worried about the father taking this further if you don't apologise. Just do a non apology: 'I'm sorry you felt upset by my shock at your father's parking denying me and my disabled husband access to our car.'

It's very much a possibility, given what happened. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he had connections.

Then again, he could have been anybody 'important' - you hear of people who abuse other drivers (although at least not their innocent children) only to find out shortly after that their target is their job interviewer, or the GP they've come to see, or their child's new teacher etc. - which is a very good reason why not to behave in this appalling way.

If you think calling someone a cunt to their child is “pretty tame” you need to reflect.

We let this kind of violent behaviour slid all the time in society. I had someone road rage at me the other day and I’m still shaken. It was horrible. That poor kid. Nowhere to go and you screaming abuse at him.

Why park over two bays if there were two rows of empty spaces? Just park in one bay with a space eIther side. You might have had to move your car to get DH and wheelchair onboard but you did that anyway. The other driver overreacted to your bad parking but you were completely out of order in swearing at the boy. You frightened him and you should apologise for frightening him.

YABU.

Not saying the dad is not in the wrong with the parking. But you should never have interacted with the child. Even if he did respond. Should have left the child alone. He is not responsible for his father's actions or choices. I mean are you even really surprised? If the dad would 1, block you this way, 2 lock in his child this way, why would he not then report you for interacting with his child as well?

But you shouldn't have spoken to the son and then told the son to tell his dad he is a cunt.

So yea you are in the wrong and should apologise to the child.

You just feel bitter about it because of the dad's actions and choices. But you aren't apologising to the dad, you are apologising to the child.

Yeah, the poor teen got it from both sides, being used as a stooge by his dad and then having to hear ‘for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting, your dad’s a complete cunt’, even though the teen was respectful and kept his head down through the tirade.

i mean, I had my child been spoken to like that, it would probably be myself at your door.
Its a Tesco, he would not have been long, why didn’t you just chill in your car until the adult came back and then let rip? Seems pretty easy to rant and rave at a teenager though eh.

OP, if you are ever likely to need an enhanced dbs for work I’d suggest you talk to a solicitor. This could have implications, even if you agree to make the apology there’s a possibility it could show up on an enhanced dbs.

And what did the OP think when she was a police officer? She worried about her children. But yet is happy to speak to another child like this?

Absolutely awful, shameful thing to do.