AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

@Secretsquirrel2, no one has said the cut was right to do what he did if he had ways to know OP had a disabled passenger.

The post is about OP's reaction and whether she should apologise.

The dad was a bit of a jobdworth and a dick, but technically you are the one in rbe wrong for parking over 2 spaces and more so for verbally abusing this kid. You could easily resolve the problem by sliding across from the passenger seat.Yor tirade was completely out of order.
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Apologise and move on.

@nomas I didn't swear that was quite clear in my post.

@ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy you lost your temper and scared a young person. It was obviously pretty extreme if they reported you to the police. What a horrible thing to do to another human being.

How was the boy "trapped"? Why couldn't he just move across to the driver's side and go out through that door? You weaken your case by saying he was trapped.

The other driver was a fool, but you put yourself in the wrong by taking your justified anger out on the boy.

Assuming that the driver of a car is mobile enough and isn’t disabled so can ‘easily slide across from the passenger seat’ is a pretty weird assumption.

Report him to who ? She would have been better going back into the supermarket and having them announce the reg over the tannoy and that the owner should come to customer services.

you were wrong OP. If there were so many empty bays, you did not need to park across two of them. If you’d simply parked in an empty bay then the man would not have been annoyed and he would have parked somewhere else in an empty bay.

I'm wondering if the teenager was secretly filming OP behaviour. That would give more weight for considering prosecution.

I think he must also have combined the swearing with a threat to commit violence- ie I’m going to punch you. I don’t think just swearing even at someone meets the threshold. So not saying “your dad’s a fucking cunt” or similar.

But you said you could have swore because of his disgustingly entitled behaviour. Just saying the police obviously don’t see it like that.

Yep. And if the bloke who blocked the driver door saw the badge (which l suspect he did) then that’s exactly what he’s done. Which is pretty shit.

Parking across two bays wasn't the right thing to do. Parking close to your door to block you in wasn't the right thing to do. Getting angry and using words like "cunt" to a minor is also not the right thing to do. Going to the police about someone abusing your child IS the right thing to do. YABU.

I would take the community resolution from the police as it means you won't get a criminal record.

You can refuse & go down the formal route but you have verbally abused & caused fear, alarm & distress with no provocation or aggravating factors (the child was not involved or responsible for the parking situation) you don't have any defence.

You could have either waited for a disabled space, waited for the other customer to return to their car - politely asked the child to call their dad to return to the car or gone into the supermarket & asked them to tannoy

I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him.

This is a distinction that largely exists in your head. If you shout “fuck” and “cunt” at someone, they will consider themselves to have been sworn at and feel threatened. Not sure I would have reported you but it’s hardly surprising that they did. You should apologise to the son.

OTOH there is a certain sort of busybody (common on MN, actually) who thinks it’s their business to be the parking police and it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what the father had done. Did you actually have your blue badge displayed? If so, the father was definitely in the wrong to park so close and he should apologise to you for that.

Again, we only have her word for how busy the car park actually was.

so take her word for it!

I wonder if those that have said they often straddle two spaces manage to find alternative ways to park if there is the threat of receiving a fine from a traffic warden.

I wonder why anyone is bothered by it when 30 other spaces are free.

Parking wardens and fines exist because other people are disadvantaged. Nobody is disadvantaged by a car taking up two spaces if another 30 spaces are free.

That would certainly have been a better solution.

And if the bloke who blocked the driver door saw the badge (which l suspect he did) then that’s exactly what he’s done. Which is pretty shit
Why are you assuming that it was displayed and that he saw it. Nothing at all indicates anything one way or the other.

I still think it was a complete waste of time to make a point by parking as he did though.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to apologise to the boy who had to listen to your tirade, no.
I also don't think it would be unreasonable for the Dad to apologise for parking so close to you, instead of choosing a fully empty space.

Your behaviour was appalling. You have shouted and used foul language at a teen who had no responsibility for the situation. You will have traumatised him. You should be ashamed.

This brings back bad memories. Not disabled spots, thankfully, but my mum was forever leaving me in the parked car in awkward (Do Not Park) spaces at airports.
This was back in the 90s/00s, so I was any age from around 6-14 years old, and she would instruct me to 'guard the car', and she would 'only be a few minutes', and I would get adults coming up and having a go at me about it. I absolute HATED it, as I was really shy, and shouty annoyed people scared the shit out me (my mum was also 'shouty annoyed' person!).
You really should not have taken your wrath out on the boy. Sure, his father was an arse, but swearing at someone (who can't do anything about the situation!), is just not on.

I think it would have been better had she just parked normally in one bay, still in
the empty area she chose, perhaps with her door facing out into the lane so no one could block her in.

It sounds like taking 2 bays will attract the ofd vigilante.

Can you please tell me where you buy your magic potion that turns off the magnetic attraction of a car parked with empty spaces on either side of it?

I'd like to use it when I park, and also when I choose a table in an empty part of a restaurant.

As ever - the first post nails it!
How is the passenger responsible for the driver’s action? Or a son responsible for the sins of his father?