AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

Your belligerent, intimidating behaviour towards a child was a disgrace, no matter the circumstances.

I don't understand how you don't understand that speaking like that to a minor, who had done absolutely nothing wrong himself, is totally out of line. What his father chose to do, moronic as it may have been, is not his problem.

I have sympathy for your situation and would agree the Dad probably is a twat for parking like that to make a point, but telling a child to call his Dad a cunt is low.

I'd also assume you were recorded either on a dash cam, or by the boy himself for the police to have gone to the effort of visiting your home. It seems unlikely it was just based on a photo of your reg place and their version of the story.

I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him

Of course this is the sanitised version of what you said to the poor teenager because you are telling the story and you are looking for people to agree with you.

I wonder what the teenager remembers you actually saying to him?

The fact that you were faced with an inconvenient situation, involving an individual who wasn’t even present and immediately started using foul and aggressive language makes me think you are an angry person.

You are keen to point out you didn’t directly swear at or threaten the teenager but

“Section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986 makes it an offense to use threatening or abusive words or behavior, or disorderly behavior, within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm, or distress.”

You didn’t have to in order to break this law.

You’re not being asked to apologise for a parking dispute you’re being asked to apologise for causing alarm or distress to a juvenile.

Are you not sorry that you distressed the teenager who had no responsibility or power in the scenario? Do you think punishing him for what his dad did is okay?

So, she wasn’t swearing at the boy when she said, specifically to the boy, ‘tell your dad he’s a cunt’?

there’s a massive hole in your defence

Bullshit will she be prosecuted. They’ve decriminalised looting and shoplifting and emptying the prisons of rapists so they sure as hell aren’t taking a woman to court for saying cunt to a 16 year old whilst navigating a wheelchair into or out of a vehicle. Just the usual hyperbolic nonsense.

@Merrybandofpirates,
I responded to this
So I'm sorry if it offends you personally, but in places where there are plenty of other spaces, you'll find me and others straddling the lines in car parks all over the place. You'll be in the same boat yourself one day if you live that long, just think of that if it annoys you
'stradling the lines all over the place: indicates bad parking. ' one day if you live that long' indicates age, not disability.

You'll still choose to interpret my posts to fit your narrative though, so it's pointless to justify myself.

As someone who has a wheelchair user DS I agree this will have been deliberate.

I’ve come across it many a time where people just see something, judge you must be a cunt and decide to make your life hell.

Difference is I don’t call them cunts or use that word to them. I just find my way out of the situation without giving them the satisfaction of knowing they’ve riled me up.

Thats was where you made the mistake.

Instead of telling the boy he his father was a cunt I’d have quietly felt sorry for the joy obviously also abused on his father controlling games.

Im a real believer in you can’t control others actions - just your reaction to it.

my apology would be forthcoming and it would be “I’m very sorry k caused you alarm and fear when you’d clearly already been subjected to being trapped in the car by your own father. I hope you manage to find a voice sink don’t have to do it for you in future”

Maybe you live somewhere very rough, or you generally associate with a certain demographic of people; but this is the classic reductive misunderstanding that because a lot of people in a certain group do something, that means that they all do.

My own DS doesn't use language like this and neither do his friends. They've been properly brought up to know that this is not acceptable. Yes, of course they hear others saying the words; but that doesn't mean that they mirror poor behaviour. I know people will come on here patronising me as a 'sweet summer child'; but I know them and you don't. I think some liberally sweary people just cannot fathom that not everybody is the same as they are. Kids and teenagers are people; some people behave well, others don't.

I can see his (warped) logic. He didn’t like that you’d parked across two bays and probably thought you were doing it to avoid damage to your car. Around here the only people who park like that have fancy cars and believe their car having two spaces is more important than anyone else being able to park.

Anyway, I’d get his anger if the car park was full and you were inconveniencing anyone but it wasn’t and you weren’t. You probably shouldn’t have sworn at a teenager who had no say in the matter but it’s done now.

They don't have to prosecute as such, they could just issue a penalty notice. It will still be on OP's record.

Somehow I don’t think she gives a shit.

You’re selectively quoting to try and justify your anti disabled views.

That posters pointed out the as you get older, you may lose your mobility and need extra space to get out. Disabled bays aren’t always available, or you may not qualify for a badge. So the poster pointed out that if there are lots of empty spaces, then people who need the extra space will park over two spaces.

When she said straddling the lines all over the place, she was saying lots of people will park in lots of places using 2 spaces. That doesn’t imply bad parking at all. She is explains why many people, all over the place, might make a deliberate decision to carefully park straddling the lines.

In her post, she was discussing the impact of age on mobility - creating disability. And you’ve attacked it. The way you’ve been attacking disability since you started posting.

And if you don’t care, then why do you keep replying to me? You’ve shown who you are. You can’t backtrack now. I’m just saying that I’ll apply that context when I see your posts in future.

Totally with you op . Life is hard enough being disabled , without people intentionally making it worse.

You could have parked like that temporarily to help your husband out, and then parked properly. I'm with the teen and his dad on this one.

You were in the wrong. Both for your parking and for your abuse.
It doesn’t matter that your husband is disabled. You still can’t park across 2 bays. You can and should be ticketed for that. If you’d have parked like a normal person. Even if someone had parked next to you. You would have been able to reverse out of the space as you had to here.

Abusing a young lad for his father’s actions (which tbh were justified) is despicable. Your husband must have been mortified by your behaviour. Though he’s probably used to it I imagine

For clarity, I don't think one poster here has implied the guy was right to park as he did. He absolutely should have just left his thoughts in his head and parked elsewhere.

The issue is how OP responded to it and took it out on an innocent party, yet can't see this was wrong and should apologise.

The only people who even think to check for blue badges are official parking attendants/enforcers/police and the self-appointed 'blue badge police' who delight in shouting at people who use them whom they 'reckon' are doing so fraudulently and cheating the system "Well, you don't look disabled to me" etc.

I suppose some people may look before reporting/getting angry if they see a car parked on double yellows; but it just wouldn't cross most people's minds to check for a blue badge in a non-disabled part of the car park - especially when they have no reason to go around and look at the front of a car.

You dropped the c bomb on a minor and think you don’t need to apologise…!?!

You could also, whilst apologising for such poor communication make a complaint against the parent for disability discrimination (I assume you had your blue badge in the window..??) against the Dad but honestly, it wasn’t the kids fault

The dad was probably a dick. But you didn't speak to the dad; you abused a young lad who'd done nothing wrong.

You were completely out of order.

The car was displaying a blue badge. It’s pretty shit to clock that and then block the drivers’ door, because at that point you don’t know whether the driver is the disabled person who may not be capable of getting into the drivers’ seat from the passenger side. Neither side has covered themselves in glory here.

Please tell me this is a reverse?

Looks like it. Perhaps the police will be able to explain it more convincingly.

@Merrybandofpirates, let it go 😂 If you want to believe I'm discriminatory against disabled people, that's your choice. You just won't get me to acknowledge it because thankfully I know it's not the case.

Its your word againat his?

Of course most people would be annoyed but your language was appalling and way over the top, especially as it wasn't this lads fault. If you were so annoyed you could have gone in to Tesco and asked them to put a call out for the car owner. Or do you not shout and swear at adults? Do you just save that for teenagers who haven't done anything wrong?
What did the police mean by if you apologise in writing that'll be the end of it? Does that mean if you don't they're going to charge you or something? That also seems over the top