AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

This, except you can't get a blue badge for temporary disability that needs the door swung wide open, like a broken leg or a hip or knee replacement.

Educate yourself on behaving like a decent Human Being. Nobody ever needs to use the word cunt at anyone ever. Disgusting behaviour.

Had she parked normally in the space and someone had parked next to her while she was in the supermarket, there wouldn’t be enough room to manage
She could have just backed up and her OH could have gone in.

She could have waited for a disabled space. Yes, sometimes you just have to wait.

Without a doubt the guy was an idiot though, his move was totally unnecessary, but again, it didn't in any way or form justify OP's aggressive response to a completely innocent party.

You owe the child an apology as your language was unnecessary. The adults in this scenario have behaved badly; surely a normal reaction from the dad would be "oh that's really irritating. That person has parked across 2 bays. Sheesh, some people eh?" And he would then park elsewhere and go about his day.

A normal reaction from you would surely be; "oh that's really irritating. That person has decided to deliberately block my door because they think I've parked like a twat. How short-sighted of them not to think laterally and consider that maybe I need extra space around me." And then you would pull out the space to get more room and go about your day.

It's almost as if some people deliberately look for offence so that they can unleash righteous indignation. 🤷🏻

YANBU for swearing - it drives me mad that people clutch their pearls over language or think that it is the defining thing that makes you unreasonable or aggressive - imo it’s about tone and intent. Have had plenty on here be absolutely poisonous and deliberately goady like it’s a sport but the moment you tell them to F off they report, get on their high horse etc.

I also think he was BU and clearly was being deliberately provocative blocking your car.

HOWEVER, YABU for engaging AT ALL with the teenager imo. It’s not about saying f or c - any irritated exchange even without language was unfair. He wasn’t the driver. You should either have waited for the driver or said nothing - picking on a kid who is not at fault to vent your frustrations is not fair.

I'm with you Op, I would not apologise and I'm fairly sure this wouldn't be taken further.
However, I would be making a complaint to the police about them being used to further harass an innocent party with a disabled partner who was just trying to do their shopping.

I don’t know any supermarkets who have parking inspectors going round to hand out fines. Most they have is cameras clocking when you enter and when you leave so they can post a fine if you overstay whatever their limit is.

I’m sure OP knows if her local supermarket has anyone going round to ticket the cars. I worked in a few supermarkets and shops during uni, none of them used ticket inspectors in their car parks and would tell someone to park over 2 bays if needed. No risk of a ticket.

It's almost as if some people deliberately look for offence so that they can unleash righteous indignation
100% this! And let's get social media involved.

What are we teaching our next generation to justify aggression when WE think we are right to be angry.

It's not the language though is it. Delivering such a message through a child is never a good idea. But I'd imagine few people could argue with your feelings of disgust at him involving his child in such an act. I'd assume and hope they never saw the blue badge but sadly you can't assume that especially these days.
I don't tend to use the word but I'd be thinking it in that situation.
Id like to feel the kid felt embarrassed observing your difficulty and couldn't move his own car so unable to do anything practical.
The CCTV would pick up the number plate or maybe the dad even noted it before leaving his car there.

The father reported pre emptively because he realised technically you were in the wrong but he actually had been a cxxt.

Cars have got bigger since car parks were laid out, people get older, older people have real difficulty (and real pain) getting into and out of cars when they can't open the door fully.

So I'm sorry if it offends you personally, but in places where there are plenty of other spaces, you'll find me and others straddling the lines in car parks all over the place. You'll be in the same boat yourself one day if you live that long, just think of that if it annoys you.

It wasn't right to speak to the teenager like that. The dad would have been fair game, but the teenager, as you say, didn't park the car. It doesn't matter whether he'll have heard far worse swearing, swears himself etc. When someone swears at you in an aggressive conversation - and 'tell your dad he's a complete cunt' is aggressive, there's no way round it - it is upsetting.

Where in my post did I say anything about that being ok? What are you on about?

My post was specifically about disabled people needing to use more space sometimes. What is your problem?

My first post on here, which responded to the OP, told her she was out of order for speaking to anyone like that. But the post of mine which you’ve quoted is nothing to do with that. So… why are you replying like that?

@PrincessofWills, so if someone were to come to you and shout at you aggressively that your husband is a cunt because of something he's supposedly done, you'd just smile and not feel upset at all? I very much doubt it!

Of course you should apologise. The boy had done nothing wrong and you verbally attacked him. Would you like some stranger abusing your children because you had annoyed them?

It’s not recommended to back up like that because you’re then in traffic flow and, as with a pushchair, a wheelchair is below the line of sight. It takes time to get the disabled person into the car and put the chair away and you’re likely to be blocking traffic while you do it.

Do you think people who cant find a regular parking spot should park in a disabled bay?

No?

Then you shouldn't have parked across two regular spaces. You could have either waited for a disabled space or let husband out at the drop off area and then parked in a normal bay.

Then when someone gets annoyed at you taking liberties, you abuse and intimidate his son? (And yes, you were, imagine it was a teenage girl in that car and you were a big burly man.)

YABU. Apologise and realise the world does not revolve around you and your needs.

Assuming this is true, I am glad that there seems to be a bit of a backlash to people using that awful word.

However, as ever the police gloss over the inconsiderate and potentially dangerous parking (what if the son had needed to get out of the car quickly) and worry about the hurty words. I thought they were meant to be pursuiing actual crime these days.

Anyone who parks close to someone else's door so they can't get in or out of their car should be fined. If your car is too big for the space get a smaller car! Or park somewhere else.

Just a heads up, a friend of mine expressed his (justifiable) frustration at a railway platform employee using the C- word. Never laid a finger on him.

He now has a conviction for "common assault".

You might want reconsider that apology, albeit with your fingers crossed behind your back!

Whoever's fault this was, OP, it wasn't the young lad's. Yet he had to listen to a stranger effing and blinding at or around him. He was really stuck in the middle wasn't he. Father parked like a twat, then you came and took out your frustration on him, in his father's absence.
I see your frustration but really you should have been the bigger person - and the adult - here.

The absolute norm for parking like this is people being precious about there cars
so it’s a reasonable assumption people do it at my gym all the time
at the end of the day just shuffle over the passenger seat why go looking for drama

the only reason people are back OP is because they have the full facts which the guy obviously didn’t and the other person is a man

jf there was a post saying someone parked like a twat taking up 2 spaces so I parked right upto them to teach them a lesson you’d be applauded in here

and again a man was swearing at my dd and saying cunt they’d be say ring the police

You assume an awful lot . . .

The Dad was a cunt.

You were out of order.

The boy was sitting there head down. Sounds like he was embarassed by his Dad's actions. You needed to be waiting for the Dad if you wanted a go at someone, not taking it out on a teenage boy who didn't park there.

You think swearing at a child you don’t know and telling them their parent it a ‘cunt’ is ‘pretty tame’? I don’t know anyone, in their whole lives, who has done that.

Rather than wasting their time, I actually think the police have correctly identified you as a fairly risky member of the public who did need an early warning / intervention.

So I'm sorry if it offends you personally, but in places where there are plenty of other spaces, you'll find me and others straddling the lines in car parks all over the place. You'll be in the same boat yourself one day if you live that long, just think of that if it annoys you
That's why there are disabled bays. If one isn't free, you wait. If you struggle to park between lines, you are not fit to be driving.

Of course you should apologise. You can't go round interrogating random kids and using aggressive language to them about something that's not their fault.
I get how stressful it is when you're supporting someone with disabilities and how extra barriers caused by other people's inconsideration can make you see red, but you picked the wrong target and treated this kid badly.
You should agree to apologise and ask the police to have a word with the dad about what led to the situation so hopefully he may get the intended message.