AIBU to refuse apologising after being blocked in at Tesco?

[ThisIsAbsolutelyCrazy]

So, yesterday I go to Tesco with DH. DH is a wheelchair user and has a Blue Badge.

There were no disabled bays or parent and child bays so I went to a far corner of the car park where there were two empty rows of normal bays and parked between 2 bays so had room for DH to get in and out.

Lo and behold we came back to a car parked so close to my driver's side that I couldn't get between the cars - less than 10 inches in between. The car had parked over into the bay I had half parked in.

We were obviously WTF. The other bays around us were still empty.

Coming round to the front of the cars, we saw there was a young lad no more that 15-17 sitting in the passenger seat of the other car. He obviously couldn't get out of his door either because it was up against mine! I said 'what kind of idiot would park like this' or some such. He said 'my dad'. Then asked him why he'd blocked him in.as well. He didn't answer and just kept his head down. I will admit I did swear a bit saying for fucks sake, this is fucking disgusting. Then said 'tell your Dad he's a complete cunt'. At no point did I make threats to the lad or swear at him. I knew he didn't park the car.

Anyway I then climbed in through the passenger side, moved the car into the row in front, got DH in and we left.

The Dad had not come back. I'm kicking myself because I didn't take a picture of the way he'd parked.

Anyway, tonight at around 8pm there's a knock at the door and two policemen are there. My heart dropped because I thought it was about one of the DC (both were out with friends), but they said they'd had a complaint about me causing 'fear and alarm' to a minor!

Turns out the Dad must have already had my reg number and told the police what I'd said. No mention of how he'd blocked me deliberately and left his son trapped in the car!

He must have known whoever came back to the car would be angry!

Anyway police said I could make a formal apology to the boy and the matter would not be taken further - this was because I admitted swearing.

I said No I will not as I had figured out by then that the Dad had done this all deliberately. No clue who he is.

AIBU to think he must be an absolute psycho?

Especially to leave his son trapped in the car!

He was an absolute idiot but you lost me when you told a lad that his dad was a a C**t.

I know someone who carries big laminated signs he puts in the window when needing park like this as no disabled bays left.

Big A3 laminates in all windows that say something like:
"I have parked like this for wheelchair/disabled access" (then in smaller font underneath "no blue bays available, see blue badge display")

he obvs puts his blue badge on the dash as normal.

It definitely helps.

Sounds like that lad had 2 cunts to deal with that day - you and his dad. Poor kid.

Agreed. Do people not have any concept of appropriate behaviour any more? Who says cunt and fuck not only in front of, but to a teenager?

Yes, the father's parking says a lot about him, none of it good, but the same goes for the OP.

The kid wasn't trapped in the car for pity's sake, if he is anything like my teens he was staying in the car anyway. And if he wasn't, he'd have climbed out the other side.

Common sense 👍

A wheelchair user requires two bays if there are not enough disabled spaces, which there often aren’t. They are not selfish or entitled. If there are two bays available when they arrive then they have every right to use both, first come first served. It’s called equity to create equality - giving disabled people the access to “more than” others to create equality. Without two spaces or a disabled space, they cannot get out of their car.
Every shop I worked in as a student had a policy of telling them to use two spaces if the person they were with came in to say anything or complain about only having a few disabled spaces. It is not entitled.

Educate yourself on equity.

Also how on earth did the police go round after hurty words to a teenager

but if you have teenagers being dicks/intimidating/threatening you cant get police round to them because "they havent done anything yet"

sounds like the dad knew a mate in the police who did him a favour

I’m not in any way defending the arsehole driver but I’m wondering if the OP bothered to display the blue badge as she wasn’t parked in a designated b.b space. If not then arsehole driver wouldn’t have realised he was denying a wheelchair user access to their car when he staged his stupid protest.

You were annoyed that someone had parked like an idiot and took it out on the nearest person, who you knew wasn't responsible for the bad parking. That person was a child, and you directed appalling language at him about his parents. You sound awful and I'm glad they called you out on it.

Amazing how many people on this thread don’t see the boy as a separate person to his dad, deserving of decency in his own right, not of being treated like an appendage of his father.

The only psycho here is the one who parked like a fool instead of either parking properly or waiting patiently for a suitable space and then went ranting and raving at a bloody child.

I'm glad they reported you to the police.

Perhaps the other driver should do the same rather than deliberately blocking someone when there is a plethora of empty spaces!!
Indeed, it was a stupid move but it doesn't justify in anyway the level of anger towards an innocent teenager.

I came back from a quick shop to my car parked with a massive bump. £1500 worth of damage. No note of course. Much worse than OPs experience and still I didn't feel anywhere as angry as OP.

Anger is what create war, crimes, and other destructive behaviour. OP level of anger was disproportionate to the event, and worse, was taken on someone who had nothing to do with the situation.

Worse, OP can't even see it, even after a warning.

My late husband was disabled and I get the issues with parking - like you, I lived the dream. 🙄

But, that’s no excuse to use that language to a minor about his father. If you were that angry you should waited for Dad to get back and called him that to his face, not to his young son.

Yes, words are just words - but you could throw that logic in to any racist, sexiest, homophobic etc verbal abuse. It’s all just ‘hurty’ words,🙄, but it’s not acceptable.

It really is very low rent to carry on like that. I’d apologise to the lad. 🤷‍♀️

Not sure it was wise to refuse to apologise - you may be charged under the Public Order Act.

What point is this? That we should normalise. Swearing at minors or even anyone? That you disagree that verbal abuse is possible?

I am not a part of that "next generation" my own children are a good 10-15 year older than this lad however I do not agree with what the op did and I do not think it is ""mamby pamby" to rightly calling someone out for abusive behaviour.

2 wrongs does not make a right. Both the dad and op where poorly behaved here.

I agree with this, except I don’t know about the legal side and whether the police could take it further.

DH got embroiled in a minor situation recently. Following this I was visited by a young newly qualified PC who said he had already been told by his superiors that he wasn’t allowed to interview DH due to his long term age related mental health situation, which was already being managed by adult mental health services. I on the other hand was hounded mercilessly for weeks as the PC repeatedly demanded to know whether DH was suddenly better now, so he could be interviewed. It was really difficult to think straight while under that pressure. I finally shook him off only then for the PC to decide I was vulnerable and needed a social worker FFS. Social Services and I had a brief telephone conversation before parting company.

The latest move from this poisonous little toad, which I have only just uncovered, was to send an inaccurate and defamatory summary of the incident to DH’s consultant, which the consultant shared with our GP. So, DH now has lies on his medical records…..and I don’t think I’ll get anywhere by pursuing the truth.

I’ve been left reeling at what the police service has become. We are intelligent, well educated, confident, well rounded, previously hard working now retired and law abiding people in our 70’s, never before had any interactions with police.

Like us, you sound like decent people OP - ideal low hanging fruit for propping up the crime figures.

Don’t underestimate their abilities to make a mountain out of a molehill, and to exact what revenge they can if you don’t comply.

It feels like people are misunderstanding why the OP parked across two bays, how else was her husband supposed to get in and out of the car?

The lad’s dad clearly parked next to her deliberately to make it difficult for her to get back into the car. Why else would he park outside the lines when there were plenty of other spaces available?

Bad parking can be annoying, but if it’s a private car park with lots of empty spaces, why let it bother you that much? He also left his children sitting in the car, knowing the person he’d blocked could return at any moment, and then went out of his way to report her to the police.

Now people are demanding that the OP apologise while automatically assuming the version of events they’ve been told is entirely factual. Swearing at a teenager might not be appropriate, but it isn’t a crime.
People can draw their own conclusions about the type of person the dad is. I’m also surprised the police even dealt with it, considering how understaffed they are and how often they seem to struggle to respond to far more serious incidents.

…if this is remotely true …. You go back into the store, explain to them, they put a call out for the driver, he sees your husband in a wheelchair, understands the situation, and moves.

What law are you supposed to have broken?!

I would be tempted to write to the Chief constable of the county to ask if he/she seems this an appropriate use of police resources, given the state of the UK right now

Explain how the OP parked like a fool? She did exactly what she should have and it is an entirely reasonable adjustment to manage their lives and ensure they have the same access to services as everyone else.

A wheelchair user requires two bays if there are not enough disabled spaces, which there often aren’t. They are not selfish or entitled. If there are two bays available when they arrive then they have every right to use both, first come first served. It’s called equity to create equality - giving disabled people the access to “more than” others to create equality. Without two spaces or a disabled space, they cannot get out of their car.
Every shop I worked in as a student had a policy of telling them to use two spaces if the person they were with came in to say anything or complain about only having a few disabled spaces. It is not entitled.

How would anyone know this if I saw a car straddling 2 spaces I’d presume they’d parked like a twat

Wow. Listen to yourself.

It wouldn't surprise me tbh because people are being complete ar*eholes these days. Given that the dad parked that to begin with, he obviously wasn't the most stable of personalities.

And teens aren't all precious little poppets. As you might have noticed from the news this week....and know how to navigate the law and manipulate the police.

This isn't really about the words used. My son is used to hearing swear words. If I rolled my eyes and muttered 'what a cunt' he wouldn't even register. If I started aggressively demanding (to anyone) ' tell them they're a cunt' he would feel uncomfortable. And that's without it being said to him. Funnily enough, not all teenagers are zooming around on electric scooters mugging old ladies. Some are regular kids, just doing what they're told by their parents.

You are an adult, he is a child. In this situation the right thing to do would be to ask ' do you know when your dad will be back?' Or ' could you call him as I need to get my husband's wheelchair into the car'.

Then, I imagine, he would either return realising the reason you parked so badly and apologise, or turn out to be the twat you assumed he was and then you could reverse out, get your husband into the car and be angry without intimidating and verbally attacking a minor.