AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

[ForLoudBrickMember]

I know this will sound really out of touch and I apologies in advance if I offend anyone, but I’ve been reflecting on my life recently and I truly think it is the most overrated thing on the planet. I’m 35, total pre tax income of about £2 million with half coming from working as a partner oncologist in the states and half coming from active investing. DH makes slightly more, total household income of about £5 mil. Now I’ve done it I can say the following;

1. It feels totally normal.
2. It is incredibly isolating
3. The pressure/difficulty is intense. Ours are still far too young for this and trying to avoid it but it’s very common the DC face intense pressure/stress.
4. So so much sacrifice. I left everything behind in the UK, put off DC until late, missed out on so much etc.
5. Being average isn’t much worse. People earning the average wage can still afford a comfortable house, decent car, food, occasional holiday etc. Mum was completely broke as a child and even that would’ve been fine if she didn’t make brain dead decisions constantly.

Yet the average person seems to believe it’s endless bliss, no stress and every rich person is a genius who never tires and never feels sad. AIBU?

This is almost impossible when everyone around you values it so much and being poor is so stigmatised (especially in the US)

The 'so much sacrifice' is bullshit, sorry. Millions of people across the world sacrifice multiple things all the time and don't get monetary reward for it. Sacrifice isnt something linked to wealth.
I say that as someone with wealth (although not anywhere near your level).

Yes, exactly this. If you’ve got more than you need, stop working and start enjoying the freedom that money offers you. Especially if you’re earning a million from the interest on investments. Get a few fulfilling hobbies, do some volunteering and spend quality time with your kids. Teach your children the value of money but also the value of everything else - love, education, community. Life a simpler, happier life.

There's nothing to stop you giving it away. I often think about how much joy I would get if I won the lottery and could spread some happiness by helping causes close to my heart.

I do agree with you that once you have enough to not have to worry about food, house, bills etc then there isn't much to gain by having loads more than that and I will never understand what drives people to want to have millions and millions.

Do you think your wealthier US-based cancer patients could be "happier/more settled" because they can afford treatment?

I can't imagine how eyewateringly expensive cancer treatment is in the US if a 35 yr old oncologist is making a million a year. How does this sit with you, coming from a country where cancer care is free at the point of service? Do you think your apparent disquiet with your wealth may have roots in guilt over this?

Money doesn’t matter when you have it, it matters hugely when you don’t.

I think there is a balance to be had.
Years ago there was a study that said increased income correlated with increased happiness/ satisfaction but only up to a point. After that the additional money didnt bring additional happiness.
I think the figure at the time was 70k but that would be a higher number now.

So. Basically once you have enough to live an average life, not worry about money constantly and afford a few treats then after that money won't bring more happiness.

So I can see that all that extra sacrifice to make millions might feel like too much sacrifice.
Also the circles you move in change, people with different mindset, constant need for more, for success etc you might be better off surrounded by people happy with their lot.

I mean, yeah, money isn’t everything, and it doesn’t make up for lack of friendships/relationships/time. If you’re having to sacrifice any/all of those things, you’re losing out.

Obviously money matters up to a point - life is much better if you have a stable income, enough money to cover the bills, and enough in savings to feel secure, but beyond that haven’t studies shown that it makes little difference to happiness?

In your case it sounds like the real issue isn’t the presence of money; it’s the absence of time. Maybe you need to think about redressing that balance a little.

The 'average' salary now can't support a car, house, children, holidays etc without significant sacrifice or outside help - unless you live in a very below average costs area of the country

Surely at those levels of salary you can retire very early? So it might not make a significant difference to your life now but it will make an absolutely huge different to the last (say) third pf your life when you don't need to work, can have private health care etc

I'd agree that being rich doesn't protect you from problems like bereavement, ill health, disability stress etc. BUT you have choices that poorer people simply don't have. For example, you could quit work now if you really wanted and live off your investments. Assuming you have over 1 mill invested you would be on more than the average wage. I'd also say that even on an average wage in the UK now, £35k a year does not go far. Our home insurance, mortgage, energy bills etc have risen far more than our wages in recent years and there is a real cost of living crisis for those not insulated by wealth.

I’d rather be wealthy than not . You can always give your wealth to charity

Are you saving aggressively? Do you have a plan for early retirement?

I admit it is freeing never having to worry about the basics.

Thankyou. I’m proud of myself and all but looking back I don’t know if it was worth it.

There's a balance. DH and I are very comfortably off, some on here would say rich. Annual incomes 6 figures each. (age 40).

We do not have to kill ourselves to earn this, we have professional jobs, but don't work a lot of extra hours/on weekends. We both do a couple days wfh each week. We didnt delay kids overly long, were 30 having first & 32/33 having second.

I would be terrifically short sighted if I didnt recognise the comfort & security having this income brings. We dont have to worry about bills, we can choose nice holidays, there's money spare to save for the future. We have a nice house & big garden. I am incredibly aware of what a difference the money makes to our lives & I'm so grateful for our good fortune/privilege.

That said, we've both turned down opportunities that would have increased our earnings - because quite clearly we have more than enough already. Extra money would not make our lives easier, and to earn it would have really cut into our family time, we just dont want that.

Money isnt everything. My grandparents lived in a modest 3 bed council house & didnt have a high income. But they were comfortable - they werent worrying about every bill, had a nice holiday every year, could afford to run a small car, eat well & spoil the grandkids occasionally. Everyone deserves that level of comfort & security.

You say people are made happy by living as they wish to - this requires funds!

I'm desperately saving to help my disabled DC after we're gone. Imagine just being able to chuck a few million into a trust fund and know they'll always have a roof over their heads and food on the table.

I'm also waiting for tests to find out if i cancer, private healthcare would make this faster and more comfortable.

What do you want your life to look like OP? What's stopping you achieving that given your resources?

Oh yes, being poor is so underrated 🙄 Perhaps you could use some of your vast wealth to help others and invest in a course that helps you to appreciate your privilege.

Can I ask why it's isolating? Do you feel like you haven't got any genuine friends? I can see that would take a lot of the happiness away from it.

But it must be nice to know you can give to good causes. that's what would make you feel good, surely ?

I don’t disagree generally speaking that being rich = happier, but it does give you more choices and the ability to change your life if you want to.

If you are telling the truth and do genuinely have a total income of £5 million per year then actually you could both quite easily quit your jobs tomorrow, find much much lower paid jobs, or take career breaks if you wanted to, choose a smaller cheaper home and still live as a wealthy family that way.

I would say we are “wealthy” by the average standard- certainly not £5 million per year wealthy, but in the top sort of 5-6% of households and it would be really disingenuous to say it doesn’t make our lives easier and “happier” than lots of our friends and people we grew up with who in current times are worried about being able to afford the heating, food on the table, new clothes for children school/winter coats etc, who have spent the kids school holidays worried about spending and not doing enough or putting fuel in the car. That doesn’t mean our lives are perfect but I am not naive to the fact that finances are a huge stress for so many families at the moment, money would alleviate a lot of those problems and money gives you the freedom to make your own choices. I know people working far harder and far longer hours than we are for a fraction of the income, they don’t have it easier than us just because their salary is lower.

You are now removed from the reality of life as an "average" person.

In the UK if you were on the average household income would struggle fro a comfortable house in the south east, they would definitely not manage a decent car and holidays would definitely not be every year.

My wife and I bring in well over the household average in the UK. We have an average house in our area, we have 7 year old cars, we have 1 holiday every other year to Europe and we are struggling. We have minimal savings.

I have always thought that people get rich because they're driven by something other than the money - fame, recognition, respect, etc. And so once they get all the money they have to keep going otherwise they will lose the things they most desire.

Personally I'd be off once I had enough in savings to live the quiet life I aspire to.

what's the point of this post ?
Just to show off ?
so you've got lots of money and feel ' normal '.... Well good for you. think how your post reads to some single mums on here who are scraping by..I bet they wish they'd had the chance to feel your level of ' normal '

You must pay a fucking fortune in tax.

i don’t think people think being wealthy is easy, they just think it’s easier than worrying how you’ll pay the gas bill this month, or tracking every penny. All that emotional labour is removed

Societies with little money are among the happiest on earth.

I hear you, OP. Why don't you donate your burden (to me) and maybe you'll feel better.

Assuming this is real, surely this level of income gives you some choices. DH and I are comfortable. We both work part time (which has meant we don't have childcare costs). Could we earn more? Definitely. Would that improve our quality of life? Not really. Why can't you/DH go part time - would make things better for you? Having time day to day makes a huge difference, much more than a bigger house/flashy car/expensive holidays. You do have a choice....