AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

[ForLoudBrickMember]

I know this will sound really out of touch and I apologies in advance if I offend anyone, but I’ve been reflecting on my life recently and I truly think it is the most overrated thing on the planet. I’m 35, total pre tax income of about £2 million with half coming from working as a partner oncologist in the states and half coming from active investing. DH makes slightly more, total household income of about £5 mil. Now I’ve done it I can say the following;

1. It feels totally normal.
2. It is incredibly isolating
3. The pressure/difficulty is intense. Ours are still far too young for this and trying to avoid it but it’s very common the DC face intense pressure/stress.
4. So so much sacrifice. I left everything behind in the UK, put off DC until late, missed out on so much etc.
5. Being average isn’t much worse. People earning the average wage can still afford a comfortable house, decent car, food, occasional holiday etc. Mum was completely broke as a child and even that would’ve been fine if she didn’t make brain dead decisions constantly.

Yet the average person seems to believe it’s endless bliss, no stress and every rich person is a genius who never tires and never feels sad. AIBU?

I mean you absolutely do have the power to have a discussion about that if it's making your own life worse. Usually people would say that those who have got married need to make decisions about their career with the input of the person they have legally shared their life with.

Yeah, you could divorce him if you want to. I have never said you should do. But again, all of this is a choice.

For you, your choice is that you don't want to discuss the negative impact your husband's work has on your life with him. You could discuss it. You could have discussed it 5 or 10 years in and agreed collectively that you'd prefer a trajectory that didn't lead to the compromised you're discussing. Or you could buy in help to make your life easier. Or you could divorce him. All choices that you have. Not choices you've made. But don't pretend they aren't available to you.

Why do rich people think that poor people don’t work hard.

Imagine having all the stress of your career but on top you’ve got the stress of struggling to afford food, rent, clothes etc

That’s just the basics - how about only being able to afford a piece of crap car and every day praying if doesn’t breakdown because you can’t afford the repairs and without a car you can’t get to work and will therefore have even less income.

When you’re rich you can outsource so much - Nannies, cleaners, gardeners etc - so you get your free time to enjoy it with friends and family, have hobbies, have a healthier lifestyle etc.

The biggest thing money gives you is time and choices.

You can pretty much choose to do whatever you want in life.
You can work less hours, get a different job, be single, have kids etc

Why do you think so many women in DA relationships who don’t leave, tend to be ones from lower incomes?

Well I guess this is why so many people in this country (ie US) go bankrupt when they get sick!

I notice the OP has suddenly decided the questions were getting too hard!

With £5 million annual income, you’re earning more in a year than even people in well paying jobs earning in a lifetime! It puts you in a completely different league to the “rich” people who normally post on MN earning a measly £100k+

With that money, there’s nothing stopping you from retiring tomorrow, and living a life of pampered luxury until you die… especially as you clearly have very significant accumulated wealth given you’re earning over £1m a year from investing! So, yes, YABVVU.

@ForLoudBrickMember You have done so well but you do sound burnt out. Can you take a pause at any stage? It doesn’t have to be all or nothing: retired or continue working at this level. You have the money to invest in a coach/mentor/therapy. Do it before you crash.

May I also ask what you initially invested in, how much and what you invest in now? Is the amount in your original post your annual income or your lifetime income so far?

I watched a personal finance session on YouTube with an American doctor who is now wealthy but only because he stopped his crazy lifestyle inflation in his mid-50s and started investing. You’ve done so well getting into that mindset early.

I actually agree with you, assuming the alternative to mega wealth is enough to live comfortably, as opposed to poverty.

I have enough to live comfortably. I don't aspire to own a mansion (although I like to look on Rightmove!) as I just think the hassle of maintaining it, or employing people to maintain it, would be such a bore at best / a millstone at worst. I have no interest in cars and there are only so many holidays I'd want.

When I look at the seriously weathly I think they don't seem happier. Money can often be corrupting, cause relationship strife etc.

I think it's easy to say "give it away" but I think many (most?) people find it hard not to hoard it.

One thing; ask yourself what would you do for a living/to fill your day if you were banned from medicine and were guaranteed the same income as you currently have… Perhaps you can move towards this eventually (as your investments will continue to compound far outstripping anything you can earn as a salary.

£5m a year and you think you’re rich? Girl, that’s what I pay my window cleaner… 🙄

Come back to me when you’re on £5mil an hour, then we can talk about all your stresses and strains.

Someone once said 'I've been rich, and I've been poor, and believe me, rich is better'

Financial security is what most people want, not necessarily a specific some of money. Not to worry about housing costs, expenditure, unexpected bills, able to book nice holidays, have a new car every couple of years, have meals out whenever you feel like it, and not worry about the cost of the tip, and the ability to be generous to others

Most ' ordinary ' average earners are often only 6 months away from bankruptcy, if they lose their jobs To have the size of cushion you have is liberating, hence your views.

Literally couldn’t be more UR. Being wealthy makes life so so much easier - I once heard a phrase ‘if you can sort a problem with money, it’s not a problem just an expense’. Now I would always put health a the top of the tree but if you have health, a loving family and money you are exceptionally lucky. Our household income is significantly less than yours (750k ish a year) and we have 7 figures equity in house and in liquid assets and I literally wait every day for something to go wrong because I can’t believe how lucky we are. The difference for us is DH and I earn similarly so whilst we have a safety net we are absolutely reliant on jobs and income. If f I had your sort of wealth I think I would do something different - realistically how much money does one ever need. I have also found that one I could afford really whatever car I want etc its all a lot less appealing, just very happy to have my dream home and be able to put my kids through private school etc albeit I know this could change - in your situation you don’t even have that to worry about.
I still feel extremely grateful when I go food shopping I can buy whatever I want and not to have to think about it - that is the ultimate privilege.

Are those figures monthly?

Being wealthy: yeap, I can happily sign up to that
But I would not change much of how I live, no keeping up with the neighbour or colleagues. That is not worthy. And spending time with family will be up my luxuries list.
I get that you work really hard. Same for those on an average wage. We also miss a lot, children spend less time with parents, and so on.
If you have that much money, you can retire and live the life.
The rest of us have to keep going, for our average wage. So, you are not that bad off. You can just stop now and enjoy it.

I agree. Once you have a nice standard of living - decent house, nice cars, couple of nice holidays a year and the money to
eat out/entertain/buy stuff as needed, having extra money is just additional stress.

Where to invest it, how to keep track of it, how to bring up your kids to still have a work ethic and not be entitled etc. How to make sure you associate with really nice, fun, decent people without feeling a bit odd one out or them feeling awkward.

We were on holiday the other week and saw Hugh Grant and his family having dinner in the town’s pizzeria (he was lovely to the staff.). Yes you wouldn’t be eating there on benefits but it was a perfectly normal pizzeria.

I grew up in a household with very little money, and I am grateful to be slightly better off these days.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

But she says she has £1m a year annual passive income from the investments. Not that she made £1m once. To make £1m a year passive income requires assets of tens of millions.

Imagine you'd invested in property - how many properties would you need to own that the rental yield was £1m a year?

Or if you invested in stocks and shares and the income was from dividends - again you'd need to have tens of millions worth of stocks and shares.

This is possible, but only if she's inherited or been gifted a lot of equity in a company or a lot of stocks and shares somewhere. Or else she's literally a more successful investor on a pound for pound basis than Warren Buffet and the Financial Times should be covering this thread.

Oncologist super-investor.

Health is the most important thing in life. But, with money, you have so many more options, with private doctors and nurses, and chances to get better are much higher. No waiting lists. Regular check ups. That is a true blessing.

Yes, agree with you on food shopping.
The other thing is being able to afford a taxi when needed.

You are getting a hard time OP. As somebody who isn't hugely financially motivated, I kind of agree, and as a few people on here have pointed out there is a point at which further wealth doesn't really make much of a difference to overall happiness. I thought it was about £120k, but somebody upthread said £180k, which makes sense considering inflation.

I also think there is a general tendency (maybe even fashion?) for doctors in particular to be quite performatively underwhelmed by life and everything in it. Could you explore why that is a bit?

I clicked on this thread and was quite unsurprised to see it was a UK doctor.

I work in a health adjacent role and have had to shuffle off a few doctor friends due to the sheer self-obsessed misery of them all. Are you sure you haven't taken some of that culture with you?

I think that's about right. I have worked with a few billionaires and most of them wear jeans and drinks Starbucks and in lots of ways live pretty much the same as me.

But we do need to recognize that £120k + is not 'average' or 'median'. It's top 1%.

So 'average' people, in the UK, usually do not live comfortably without any money worries unless they are lucky enough to have inherited houses or other generational elements meaning an average income (£60k household) can comfortably stretch to living well including some small luxuries.

Lots of people think they'd happier with more money, but it doesn't seem to occur to them that there must be loads of people with less money who think that they would be happy if they had as much as the first people.

Tbh a bit more money does make most people a bit happier. But unlimited money doesn't bring unlimited happiness. And from what I've observed from wealthy family and friends, there definitely seems to be something quite depressing and hopeless about being able to afford anything you want, never having to save etc

I'd take time over money any day

I completely agree, but there is a big difference between a £180k pa income, and a £5m one, half of which is passive.

LOL - you are still obsessed with the money - why do I need to buy in help to make my life easier? At what point have I said that my life, in terms of domestic drudgery, is hard? I’ve described the familial and marital impact of someone who works long hours, travels and has a high stress job, for which he is highly paid because, notionally, this is the compensation.

I don’t need help in any of the ways you describe: I have days and days to do housework, care for my SEN family etc, ALONE because he is not HERE and when he is, he tired and still having to work. That is the cost of his job and our ‘wealth’. Trade off is that I have at partner that is in a career that he loves. I DO NOT have the power to insist he retires/quits his job. Nor would I want to: he is good at his job [obviously] and enjoys the impact he has on the company and staff members he nurtures, and the fact that he feels he is making a difference in his world makes him feel good about himself.

Demanding that he gives up his job would be selfish - but yes, you are right I do CHOOSE to remain with a man I love, with a man who makes a difference in the world, a man who loves our children and ensures their every need (SEN/MH needs) are met. I could have CHOSEN to divorce him - to force him to potentially give up that career as a result of my actions in order to take on 50/50 child care, to reduce our income so significantly that we would NOT have been able to provide the care our children have needed - and in so doing deprive the entire family unit of the security of a loving supportive marriage, shared single home, and a family living together under one roof. Yes, I could have chosen that. But I didn’t. Because we would all have been miserable, my children would have suffered, the family would have been broken up and … we love each other.

So, I repeat - it has never been about the money. The wealth. It has been about the well-being of every member of the family - and yes, that means there is still a cost to living with someone who earns a lot of money. And, I would say, that is largely borne by me on a day to day basis.

Wealth is not a panacea for all ills and does not come without sacrifices and compromises. It is not the idyll many think it is. It does not fix disability, MH issues or ensure lifelong health. But yes, I chose this over grappling with the same family SEN/MH issues, a miserable husband, and financial worries over how we will provide for our children and ensure their futures. I am fully aware that I am luckier than most (I grew up in poverty - I know how hard living with all the same issues in a single parent, benefit recipient household is).

So I restate: yes, being wealthy can be over-rated. And for many of us it is not the wealth or the lifestyle that we are actually choosing. Because life is not that binary nor that simple.

Death is the great equaliser!

“Money can't buy a happy life, or a peaceful death."

“Wealth can buy medical care and temporary comfort, but it cannot bribe death or extend a life past its limit.”