AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

[ForLoudBrickMember]

I know this will sound really out of touch and I apologies in advance if I offend anyone, but I’ve been reflecting on my life recently and I truly think it is the most overrated thing on the planet. I’m 35, total pre tax income of about £2 million with half coming from working as a partner oncologist in the states and half coming from active investing. DH makes slightly more, total household income of about £5 mil. Now I’ve done it I can say the following;

1. It feels totally normal.
2. It is incredibly isolating
3. The pressure/difficulty is intense. Ours are still far too young for this and trying to avoid it but it’s very common the DC face intense pressure/stress.
4. So so much sacrifice. I left everything behind in the UK, put off DC until late, missed out on so much etc.
5. Being average isn’t much worse. People earning the average wage can still afford a comfortable house, decent car, food, occasional holiday etc. Mum was completely broke as a child and even that would’ve been fine if she didn’t make brain dead decisions constantly.

Yet the average person seems to believe it’s endless bliss, no stress and every rich person is a genius who never tires and never feels sad. AIBU?

I’m an unpaid carer to a disabled adult child .
can I have some £ 😭

Dude - read the room. 🥴

Its probably living in the states that's making you unhappy.

Yes, there are pressures on wealthy people but, to a high degree, you do choose to buy into them.

And I suspect everyone you see towards the end of their lives are wealthy, just some are wealthier than others. You wouldn’t make what you do as an oncologist doing work in public hospitals.

It is well known that the happiness vs money curve is pretty asymptotic to a certain value, and that depends on a load of factors. In other words every pound you earn buys you less and less happiness and some say it goes down for the super wealthy (being a public figure, security fears etc).

But, making enough to have options and choices is worth a lot of happiness, ceteris paribus.

You just sound like a d1ck with the social antennae of Elon Musk TBH

There’s an amount of income after which money doesnt make you any happier. But when so many people who were comfortable a few years ago are now struggling, I’d rather have your problems

To be fair to the OP , she would have had to work very hard , very long hours , be very intelligent and driven to achieve her oncologist role . So most of her 20s would have been spent achieving this while others may have spent their lives differently. And investing comes with risk so again would have to be intelligent and decisive. All character traits that can not be bought . Her wealth is achieved not inherited.

And I can imagine in the US there is a whole different set of measurements that you have to take to preserve your wealth fir the future . So many taxes ! Property , federal , state , income . A lot these monies fund your local community like schools, fire , hospitals. Then mainentaintce on your property are expensive because of living in the nice neighborhood.

Who can say what the definition of too much money is ? Having enough to cover all your bills , a bit left over for savings for extras and perhaps some to help your family should be enough for anyone. After that your happiness is totally non monetary related . It's relationships with other people that give you a real sense of wellbeing being .

'Wealth' to me is a close and loving family, and extended family, a set of close knit bullet proof 3am friends, you can see off most things with those foundations in place.

I suggest you have a read about people who won the Lotto

No grew up on benefits,didn't earn a huge amount, invested, worked hard. Now multi millionaire. It's great being able to buy what I want when I want, treat family, nice holidays etc...

I appreciate simple things so a couple of ciders in the afternoon with friends, a road trip in our campervan...I never dreamt that I could do this in my 50s when I was 20

I agree, lets all help this poor woman out.

Like some people have said - give it all away and find out if you're more happy then.

I do sort of see your point OP. You can only drive one car at a time, live in one house, eat one meal. Of course with money, you can buy a nicer version of that, but, if you have a decent, not luxurious income, your options are probably pretty good. Would I rather eat Michelin starred or the local Italian - I can have a good time with my loved ones at either.

I don’t think you’re suggesting it’s better to be poor or struggling - you’re just saying you would perhaps rather have had less wealth for better quality of life.

Personally I chose to stay part time when my DC left home as I knew my quality of life would be much better (teacher) and I would rather forfeit the extra 20% salary, give up some extras and stay sane. We retired early for the same reason.

So, if you’re making a wider point (and I think you are) about ‘balance’ and how we need to stop chasing ever more ‘stuff’, I agree.

Who the fuck has a pre tax income of two million and posts on Mumsnet?

I’m sorry but I sense “my steak is too juicy” vibe. Of course you will have things you are not happy with in your life and of course you’d romanticise what you don’t have - grass is always greener. Nothing is holding you back from creating the life that you want starting from today. You have enough financial freedom to do so. Many people don’t have the same luxury. 5mil alone is enough to create generational wealth and have the whole family living comfortably for years to come.
My advise: take a sabbatical. Allocate £300/month spending money (I’m using my own example but you can think up your own budget based on average salary in the Uk). And stick with it for 5-6 months. Then let me know how you feel.

Is this... rage bait?

I'll bite.

What do you consider to be "average"? There was someone on here the other day moaning about her husband's shit wage and he was on £50k+. Pfft!

Look, you're an oncologist, you'll have engaged with plenty of people who are reflecting on what's mattered in their life and what gives their life value.

The trouble is that as people earn more they move their own goal posts, they get bigger houses and fancier cars.

It's pretty blinkered and daft to assume that people who aren't high earners don't have stress. We have plenty of that!

Have I gone on holiday this year? Nope because all that money had to go on house repairs. Do I have a decent car? Nope! I've got a third hand little runabout that I share with my son. Do I have half my income coming from active investment? No. Because there's nothing to invest. It goes in an ISA that pays for Christmas and holidays and car repairs. And a pension that will barely keep my head above water when I reach the ancient age at which I can stop working.

What your wealth gives you and your children is choice and opportunity. We've got three teens, the eldest chose to work rather than complete A Levels and she's doing well, the middle is doing a degree apprenticeship so he doesn't have to take on any student debt and is choosing to live at home so he doesn't have to spend on accommodation, the youngest is planning to do the same but in a different subject.

They've seen us work for average wages with our degrees and postgrads. They've seen financial compromises. They've had limited opportunities to travel. Sure, we do nice things but not the nice things that cost money.

I am rich in life because I am loved and love, I work in a job that matters to my personal values, my volunteering has had a positive impact on my community, I hope I've made good difference in the lives of my friends, family, and the communities I serve in work and volunteering.

£500k would be a lifechanging amount of money. That would pay off the mortgage (which is low), debts (which aren't huge), enable us to get a car that's reliable, allow us to travel, would open up my children to degree options which aren't tied to industry, would give money to invest and grow, would let us move to our hometown which we've been gentrified out of, would help us to give my MIL security, and we'd still have change! £150k would be lifechanging enough.

But it's all relative isn't it? I earn just over £30k and I'm considered wealthy in my immediate community. Our household has more than the majority of families at my kids' school growing up. I'm involved in a local charity which supports people experiencing poverty, isolation, poor mental health, lack of opportunity etc. We have food projects, social hubs, councilling and all sorts. Will I moan to them about my shitty car? No way! Do I thank my blessings that despite having no money for a holiday, we have family and friends who gave us the accomodation to have a break away from our home? Totally.

I read somewhere that the point where money stops being directly proportional to happiness is £180,000. Money and happiness increase together until that point, then the happiness plateaus.

We started out poor (met early 20s skinny as) and now are very comfortable in our early/mid-30s (still skinny😂). There are many things I appreciate about our financial position. I love shopping in farm shops eating organic, it really makes a difference to how I feel. I love having a big house with enough space for everything/everyone. I love having a cleaner so we don’t waste weekends scrubbing bathrooms. I love having private health insurance. I love buying quality clothes (I have few but much loved clothes by choice). I love going on trips as a family and forgetting the day-to-day regularly. I love not having to work whilst also raising kids - I wouldn’t want to do it all. I love always having my nails done for me and I never use razors. I basically really enjoy consuming premium stuff (e.g. my tiny makeup bag is worth a few hundred pounds), and it does NOT get boring.

I would hate to shop in budget supermarkets which was what we did in our early 20s. I would hate to not be able to just buy whatever I like for cash right away within reason. I have been poor and I grew up poor, and I will avoid poverty at any cost. It’s boring and very limiting. Yes there are things you cannot buy, and I cannot get some things such as strong and stable mental health (thanks parents) whatever my financial backing. But I wouldn’t be able to get things you cannot buy being poor, too!

HOWEVER, OP, your level of income sounds extremely high (not just high or very comfortable) and I know from experience that will come with a like-for-like extremely high effort to yield it. I imagine it can be too taxing to be worth it because you’re right, you can go abroad for a few thousand pounds as a family as well as for a few dozen thousand pounds and have a wonderful time whichever way. You only need to be so rich to enjoy life. True happiness doesn’t come from money, that’s for sure.

Have you thought about ways you could scale it down? Just work less and have a little less? I don’t mean going to any extremes. Just do a little less and get a little less and carve out more time to enjoy life or just be. Just a thought.

Elon Musk is the richest human on the planet, yet is a miserable git who can’t hold down a romantic relationship or maintain healthy relationships with his DCs.

'So you could give your work tomorrow and still have a yearly income of £1M. The majority of people will take most of their working life to earn that kind of money.'

The majority of people will not earn that kind of money.

I wonder who first said "Money isn't everything - but what it isn't it can buy!" Cynical, definitely cynical! For me, once I had enough to feed, clothe and house my family I kind of lost interest in striving, earning and advancing my career. I have been happy though.

Bitcoin?

I sort of see what you mean. It’s a bit like the law of diminishing returns.

Earlier today I went to a very flashy town. I am on holiday. It was full of Gucci, LV and other high end shops. The people walking around were obviously stinking loaded by the way they were dressed. However, I observed that they didn’t look any better dressed than someone who’d put a bit of style effort into a swoop in Zara. At some point you just end up shopping in better shops, and paying a lot more, but the extra that you pay is not worth it. If you pay 10 times the price of a dress from Zara, it doesn’t look 10 times better.

I’d say I’m quite well off. My DC went to a private school, I own my own house, go on nice holidays, got private medical and eat nice food. I’m very lucky.

However my real luck comes from having a nice DH and lovely DC. I’ve been poor and I’ve been well off. I’m happiest when I’m snuggled up on the sofa with my DC, with the fire on and it’s blowing a gale outside.

I guess it poses the question. Who is richer, the person with great social connections (great parents and in-laws who help, amazing siblings, a nice partner and kids) but not much money or someone loaded but non of the above?

The thing is that, especially in the UK, "normal" wages do not provide a good quality of life. All those things you mentioned in the op, people struggle to provide those on an ordinary salary. I know teachers and nurses who use food banks and rely on UC top ups.

You're right that there's no fundamental link between being stinking rich and happiness, but I read an article recently focused on some research that, in the UK, happiness hits a plateau from 120k onwards. Basically from that point earning more won't intrinsically make you happier. I'd say I largely agree with that, we're no happier now than we were when DH earned that amount. But vanishingly few people make that kind of money, it's far from ordinary or normal.

What made you start flogging stuff/ investing from a young age? You are obviously wry bright, ambitious with a good work ethic to get to where you are in life.

Perhaps you can indulge in some therapy to evaluate what is missing from your life or how you can achieve more life/ work balance and actually what it is that will make you happy.

what money gives is choice. So, despite what you think, you are still choosing to live the way you do. You are also not as trapped as you think. You can make different choices. Perhaps a good therapist can enable you to find out what choices you want to make.