My “comeback” was equal levels rude?

[Rebes]

I am from a Mediterranean culture that can be highly misogynistic and a bit old fashioned especially in regards to women. I was talking to my partner’s aunt at a gathering (same background) when the aunt asked me my age. I knew she was trying to figure out if I’m passed it. I thought it was incredibly rude. And frankly I was just very over being judged for being 32 and unmarried. Have focused on career and travelling. So in response I asked what her bmi was. She’s overweight but nothing extreme.

Anyway, I got a phone call from boyfriend’s cousin who had a massive go at me. And I’m now not allowed to step foot in the Aunts house. Which is where everyone gathers. Bf obviously isn’t pleased.

NO ONE in bf’s family (his parents and siblings) thinks what I did was right. My mum said it was totally fair to highlight the Aunt’s rudeness. Sick to death of people judging me.

I normally bite my lip. I know it was nasty. I don’t know why she’s the only one who has a right to be offended and garner all the sympathy.

There's a big difference between multiple family members deliberately taking the piss, and one aunt asking a question that even the OP has said "sounded like it came from a genuine place of concern".

But op clearly doesn't buy into that...she knows that even if the aunt is trying to imply its shameful to be mid 30's and not Married, the aunt is wrong.

But op (and others on here) think fat shaming is perfectly ok? Thats not ok.

What a non-answer. Again, OP can infer that the aunt thinks she's over the hill, but the aunt has not said that.

Why is that any different?

That’s not what feminism means.

You kinda jumped the gun, unfortunately.
You should've given her a chance to drop the misogynistic comment; then comeback with your response.

I'm sick in bed. Husband is doing my share while I recover. I have no problem with the division of our labour or how our sexes play into that.

I think you really missed the mark there and there were hundreds of ways you could have dealt with that comment firmly without being so insulting. It shows a real lack of social skills. Its hard to believe that now, in the cold light of day, you still believe youre in the right. There's no coming back from that, youve permanently wrecked any relationships you may have had with your bf's family. Id be round there with flowers and an apology if I were you.

Are you talking about my language which was in reference to the post I was quoting or the OP?

The phrase is “a Madonna or a whore”.

But OK “The” Madonna then 🤷‍♀️.

Nobody calls the Virgin Mary just “Madonna”.

I think shaming is perfectly acceptable in response to shaming. Why should fat shaming be off the table in this context?

You seem to only have an issue with women serving men if you agree with the woman.

Catholics do.

I think I would have just answered "32, how old are you?"

Agree it needed a comeback but asking her bmi doesn't seem quite the same thing tbh.

You weren't being unreasonable in sniping back at her, and she is not being unreasonable in banning you from her home. Your next step is to ban her from your home.

I really do worry about education standards in this country when a perfectly well-known phrase like this just flies over so many people’s heads.

A context OP has inferred. There is no evidence the aunt meant to age shame OP.

Well, his family don’t agree and now you are unwelcome in the home of the main events organiser. Good move 👀

You infer a lot. Maybe stick to analysing what someone actually says rather than what you think or hope they’ve said, it would save you a lot of time.

If you're going to corect someone's English, be aware someone will always correct yours too.

Argh, no. She was rude but you were way ruder. She basically had a little jab and you've responded with a grenade. If your BF is close to his family he's not going to marry you after that!

The problem is, you're not going to have made her reflect on misogynistic cultural factors, you're not going to have taught her a lesson..... you'll just be known as "that rude cow with no class". I agree with the saying when they go low, you go high.....there were ways you have responded which gave you the moral high ground but instead you've just lit a bonfire under your relationship.

Yes, if your 30th birthday was coming up, most people might buy you a card with 30 on it. Never heard anyone doing similar for BMI. They're not the same things at all. You age isn't something you can control or change, and everyone (barring the unexpected) will be 32 at some point.
You seem very judgmental of her and her culture, OP.

Why didn’t you just say something like, “May I ask why you are asking that question?” That would have been sufficient to make your point. By making a really rude personal comment to her, you have lost the upper hand.

Ah apologies.

I don’t think it’s that unusual a question to ask someone you don’t know? I mean yeah I wouldn’t ask it in an interview or someone on a train, but someone integrating into your family it’s a pretty normal question.

That applies to you though. The aunt has asked 'How old are you?' and you've inferred that she wants to age shame OP.

Maybe stick to analysing what the aunt has actually said, it would save you a lot of angst.

I would’ve said “32. Why?” had she then said something judgey, I would’ve said “gosh, that’s rude “.

That would’ve made you look like the bigger person and put her in the wrong. However, you now look like an incredibly rude person. I’m not sure you can move past that comment.