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AIBU to think if we need to politely ask men not to rape women (or men), then we don't want such people in the UK? PART 2

721 replies

CoventryCity · 24/08/2026 11:09

'Don't rape, sexually assault or make kissing noises' at people, asylum seekers warned in guidance about living in UK

UK arrivals have been told to treat women equally, not sexually assault partners or have sex with children in a new Home Office pamphlet. As well as the guidebook, a series of posters have also been designed by the government.'

https://news.sky.com/story/asylum-seekers-warned-not-to-make-kissing-sounds-at-people-in-new-guidance-about-living-in-uk-13574744

Previous thread here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5568695-aibu-to-think-if-we-need-to-politely-ask-men-not-to-rape-women-or-men-then-we-dont-want-such-people-in-the-uk?page=40&reply=154338993&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Page 40 | AIBU to think if we need to politely ask men not to rape women (or men), then we don't want such people in the UK? | Mumsnet

Don't rape, sexually assault or make kissing noises' at people, asylum seekers warned in guidance about living in UK UK arrivals have been told to tre...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5568695-aibu-to-think-if-we-need-to-politely-ask-men-not-to-rape-women-or-men-then-we-dont-want-such-people-in-the-uk?page=40&reply=154338993

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:26

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:25

In all honesty, you really should not be doing the job you claim
to be going.

You are not impartial and the way you are going is really dangerous for your clients.

Yes, I’m a man.

Edited

Of course I’m not impartial, I work for a dv charity - the point is I’m on their side 😂😂😂

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:27

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:26

Hahah you’re definitely a man if you think believing women is dangerous 🙄😂

No, I think you have no boundaries in your job.

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:28

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:22

For example, I can’t share real cases but this is common.
mum discloses psychological distress and social workers call this a risk, worry she is unstable: mum stops speaking and doesn’t get the help she needs because she’s scared of losing her kids.
all dv victims know not to say too much to social services because it will be used against them by the abuser to say she’s insane: it is so common when it goes to court too:

It isn’t that common. I think there’s an important distinction being missed here. Social workers identifying psychological distress as a potential safeguarding factor is not the same thing as pathologising an abuse victim. A mother saying she is anxious, traumatised or psychologically struggling does not automatically mean “she is unstable” or “she is a risk to her children”.
Good social work should ask why she is distressed, what impact it is actually having on her parenting, and what is happening in the wider family system. If her distress is a consequence of coercive control and domestic abuse, then the abuse itself has to remain central to the assessment.
There absolutely can be a chilling effect if victims believe that disclosing mental-health difficulties will be used against them. But that is an argument for better, contextualised social work assessment, not evidence that social workers inherently pathologise victims.

You are very absolute and rigid in your thinking.

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:29

Or I might actually be a woman,

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:29

Or I might be identifying as a bunny shaped cloud.

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:30

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:28

It isn’t that common. I think there’s an important distinction being missed here. Social workers identifying psychological distress as a potential safeguarding factor is not the same thing as pathologising an abuse victim. A mother saying she is anxious, traumatised or psychologically struggling does not automatically mean “she is unstable” or “she is a risk to her children”.
Good social work should ask why she is distressed, what impact it is actually having on her parenting, and what is happening in the wider family system. If her distress is a consequence of coercive control and domestic abuse, then the abuse itself has to remain central to the assessment.
There absolutely can be a chilling effect if victims believe that disclosing mental-health difficulties will be used against them. But that is an argument for better, contextualised social work assessment, not evidence that social workers inherently pathologise victims.

You are very absolute and rigid in your thinking.

We can agree to disagree- obviously the mums are not going to be complaining to you!
but yes I agree this is what should happen. But when social workers have 40+ cases they can’t do this. And this is why the ones i know just want to quit.

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:30

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:27

No, I think you have no boundaries in your job.

Oh look a man with no experience telling a woman how to do her job… thank you for proving my point!

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:32

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:30

Oh look a man with no experience telling a woman how to do her job… thank you for proving my point!

You’re welcome.

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:33

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:30

We can agree to disagree- obviously the mums are not going to be complaining to you!
but yes I agree this is what should happen. But when social workers have 40+ cases they can’t do this. And this is why the ones i know just want to quit.

Respectfully, you work for a DV charity. Which is great, but third sector workers in social care can suffer from tunnel vision. They can also lack expertise, and I think your black and white/rigid replies are a really good example of that. I’ve had plenty of mothers who have confided in me with good outcomes, thank you very much.

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:35

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:33

Respectfully, you work for a DV charity. Which is great, but third sector workers in social care can suffer from tunnel vision. They can also lack expertise, and I think your black and white/rigid replies are a really good example of that. I’ve had plenty of mothers who have confided in me with good outcomes, thank you very much.

Respectfully I’m a clinical psychologist for a dv charity, so probably more qualified than you. I’m not going to take their kids off them (so they believe) so I get the real version.

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:35

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:30

Oh look a man with no experience telling a woman how to do her job… thank you for proving my point!

As for your experience, if you believe I’m a man, you’ll believe anything.

Neverstopwondering · 24/08/2026 23:36

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:05

Oh good lord. You’re a not all men woman. Doesn’t matter it’s 9/10 of them. Your personal experiences make the stats worthless. 🙄

Sorry but 9/10 according to a survey.....

I think you just want all men to be terrible and abusive because you seem to not like men. I take it you have had some horrible experiences with men. That doesn't mean ot is OK to be prejudice against all men.

Seriously the but a random survey or even surveys say reason to argue all men would abuse women if they could get away with it is quite vile.

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:36

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:35

As for your experience, if you believe I’m a man, you’ll believe anything.

You told me you were a man.

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:37

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:36

You told me you were a man.

I lied.

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:37

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:35

Respectfully I’m a clinical psychologist for a dv charity, so probably more qualified than you. I’m not going to take their kids off them (so they believe) so I get the real version.

I find that incredibly hard to believe tbh 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️.

Clin psychs, for a start, understand statistics 🤣

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:38

Neverstopwondering · 24/08/2026 23:36

Sorry but 9/10 according to a survey.....

I think you just want all men to be terrible and abusive because you seem to not like men. I take it you have had some horrible experiences with men. That doesn't mean ot is OK to be prejudice against all men.

Seriously the but a random survey or even surveys say reason to argue all men would abuse women if they could get away with it is quite vile.

I don’t want all men to be horrible and abusive. But like child safeguarding we need to believe there is the potential and believe victims. This is not vile. This is life and you come across as very naive in your viewpoint

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:38

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:37

I find that incredibly hard to believe tbh 🤦‍♀️ 🤦‍♀️.

Clin psychs, for a start, understand statistics 🤣

lol ok… and most social workers think the system is broken and want to quit. I think you’re more unbelievable than me 😂

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:39

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:37

I lied.

So now I believe nothing you say and am 100% sure you are a man

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:41

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:39

So now I believe nothing you say and am 100% sure you are a man

That’s my point.

What do you believe?

I told some lies and I told you something that was true.

You believed the one that fit your narrative.

Msbond667 · 24/08/2026 23:41

abracadabra1980 · 24/08/2026 20:23

@5MinuteArgument agree these men have to be stopped. I have noticed an influx of migrant men in my small hamlet, mainly as delivery drivers. Then there are the four who regularly walk along the bridle paths. Two years ago all the delivery drivers were local. I hate it and don't feel safe.

The audacity of people of color to walk down a bridle path. How do you cope with the barefaced check of it. As for the comment about delivery drivers words fail me to describe just how bigoted you sound

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:42

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:38

lol ok… and most social workers think the system is broken and want to quit. I think you’re more unbelievable than me 😂

You seem to have a real issue with social workers.

You don’t understand the very basics of safeguarding, statistics, risk assessments or even a multi agency approach. If a woman disclosed a safeguarding concern to yourself as a supposed clinical psychologist (lol), it would absolutely have to be passed onto a SW. You don’t get to gatekeep information because you hate all men. It’s basic safeguarding of children.

Deary me 🤣🤭.

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:43

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:41

That’s my point.

What do you believe?

I told some lies and I told you something that was true.

You believed the one that fit your narrative.

This is not the gotcha moment you think it is. Women don’t lie about abuse. They gain nothing from it believe me. Social services investigations, stress, wanker police etc

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:43

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 23:42

You seem to have a real issue with social workers.

You don’t understand the very basics of safeguarding, statistics, risk assessments or even a multi agency approach. If a woman disclosed a safeguarding concern to yourself as a supposed clinical psychologist (lol), it would absolutely have to be passed onto a SW. You don’t get to gatekeep information because you hate all men. It’s basic safeguarding of children.

Deary me 🤣🤭.

When did I say I gatekeep info?
women can absolutely tell me they think their social worker is shit. This is not safeguarding and doejsnt need to be passed on?!

AndyKitten · 24/08/2026 23:44

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 23:43

This is not the gotcha moment you think it is. Women don’t lie about abuse. They gain nothing from it believe me. Social services investigations, stress, wanker police etc

Everybody lies.

Realworld10 · 24/08/2026 23:45

Travelling when younger in different countries I would get this type of harassment. I don't mean just hey beautiful but follow you, shout you should be proud to have my babies and once was grabbed by my neck. Running and hiding was the only option.

This type of behaviour isn't commonplace in tje UK so when it happens you realise why.

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