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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think if we need to politely ask men not to rape women (or men), then we don't want such people in the UK? PART 2

680 replies

CoventryCity · 24/08/2026 11:09

'Don't rape, sexually assault or make kissing noises' at people, asylum seekers warned in guidance about living in UK

UK arrivals have been told to treat women equally, not sexually assault partners or have sex with children in a new Home Office pamphlet. As well as the guidebook, a series of posters have also been designed by the government.'

https://news.sky.com/story/asylum-seekers-warned-not-to-make-kissing-sounds-at-people-in-new-guidance-about-living-in-uk-13574744

Previous thread here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5568695-aibu-to-think-if-we-need-to-politely-ask-men-not-to-rape-women-or-men-then-we-dont-want-such-people-in-the-uk?page=40&reply=154338993&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Page 40 | AIBU to think if we need to politely ask men not to rape women (or men), then we don't want such people in the UK? | Mumsnet

Don't rape, sexually assault or make kissing noises' at people, asylum seekers warned in guidance about living in UK UK arrivals have been told to tre...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5568695-aibu-to-think-if-we-need-to-politely-ask-men-not-to-rape-women-or-men-then-we-dont-want-such-people-in-the-uk?page=40&reply=154338993

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
HollyhocksandPeons · 24/08/2026 22:01

5MinuteArgument · 24/08/2026 21:28

Yes, I agree. Britain is a small, crowded island and all our public services are under strain. We haven't got enough reservoirs or prisons, housing is massively in short supply, everything else is struggling. We have over a million young people out of work.

The very LAST thing this country needs is thousands of military aged males from incompatible cultures demanding to be housed, fed, clothed, given healthcare and dental treatment and costing us millions in lawyers, legal aid and endless appeals.

I am sorry, even if we had enough money, prisons and reservoirs, over-supply of council and other types of housing, even if all of them were doctors and engineers, I still don't want them here. I want them to be happy and prosperous in their homelands. I don't want them here. I don't want the appearance of this country to change, the customs and culture. I don't want them here. But neither do I want an influx of tall, blond Germans or gorgeous educated French people or Greeks, or Scandinavians. I want them ALL to leave the UK the fuck alone. All of them.

GunnelVallquist · 24/08/2026 22:01

EasternStandard · 24/08/2026 21:59

I feel like women and girls have been told we have to be collateral damage for a risky system and up until recently yelled at if we don’t want to be.

Yep.

But white men rape too, remember? 🙄

GunnelVallquist · 24/08/2026 22:02

BubbleAndLeek · 24/08/2026 22:00

But "white people commit crime too"

Ha, snap!

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:06

EasternStandard · 24/08/2026 21:33

Cheap labour at any cost?, the absolute refusal to understand concerns and file them all under racism, Blair’s version of rubbish their noses in diversity?

Idk but it’s coming back to bite politically

Happy to be corrected but the labour that these men are able to do is carwash/food delivery etc. So leaders are willing to compromise the safety of their countries to staff this? What is the the reason?????

RichPetuniaAgain · 24/08/2026 22:09

I look at the boats coming day after day and week after week and think What The Actual Fuck? How are we allowing this to happen? I've thought about this problem and there's a straightforward solution. Have army personnel on the beaches. Use landing craft from WW2 (or today's equivalent). As soon as people get off the "small" boats, round them up and instead of putting them on buses, put them on a landing craft and take them straight back to France. Simple.

GunnelVallquist · 24/08/2026 22:09

HollyhocksandPeons · 24/08/2026 22:01

I am sorry, even if we had enough money, prisons and reservoirs, over-supply of council and other types of housing, even if all of them were doctors and engineers, I still don't want them here. I want them to be happy and prosperous in their homelands. I don't want them here. I don't want the appearance of this country to change, the customs and culture. I don't want them here. But neither do I want an influx of tall, blond Germans or gorgeous educated French people or Greeks, or Scandinavians. I want them ALL to leave the UK the fuck alone. All of them.

That’s fair enough I guess.

I’m only over here because of my English husband.

And I’d say I have definitely adapted and integrated.

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:11

At least one point that this thread does show is that we seem to be less nervous about being seen to be racist because we object to what is happening…. I’ve even found within my own wider family a reluctance to engage in a conversation like this incase we are thought to be ‘like Farage’. It’s not about race but I do think multiculturalism has failed.

GunnelVallquist · 24/08/2026 22:12

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:11

At least one point that this thread does show is that we seem to be less nervous about being seen to be racist because we object to what is happening…. I’ve even found within my own wider family a reluctance to engage in a conversation like this incase we are thought to be ‘like Farage’. It’s not about race but I do think multiculturalism has failed.

It has absolutely failed.

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:13

RichPetuniaAgain · 24/08/2026 22:09

I look at the boats coming day after day and week after week and think What The Actual Fuck? How are we allowing this to happen? I've thought about this problem and there's a straightforward solution. Have army personnel on the beaches. Use landing craft from WW2 (or today's equivalent). As soon as people get off the "small" boats, round them up and instead of putting them on buses, put them on a landing craft and take them straight back to France. Simple.

Seems simple but why are they doing the opposite?

Pumpkinswirls · 24/08/2026 22:13

Well it’s not ideal is it! The fact is that these men are arriving whether we like it or not since successive governments have failed to stop it. Therefore if there’s a chance you have people coming in who might think it’s acceptable to rape and abuse women then I’m not against giving them a leaflet.

Just shows how ridiculous things have become.

5MinuteArgument · 24/08/2026 22:15

GunnelVallquist · 24/08/2026 21:50

That was horrendous.

And the girl and her mother had fled the war in Ukraine.

Yes, absolutely horrendous case and just like the UK, the German government was slack and negligent in not deporting the Iraqi migrant whose asylum claim had been rejected.

I think accepting young men from countries where there has been war and conflict is just asking for trouble.

HollyhocksandPeons · 24/08/2026 22:15

GunnelVallquist · 24/08/2026 22:09

That’s fair enough I guess.

I’m only over here because of my English husband.

And I’d say I have definitely adapted and integrated.

Apologies, but I wrote an INFLUX. I meant an INFLUX. Did not mean the odd person here and there.

CoventryCity · 24/08/2026 22:16

5MinuteArgument · 24/08/2026 21:58

One of the most concerning things about all this is that the poorest neighbourhoods are the ones who have to shoulder the biggest burden. Despite what Andy Burnham says, I'm sure it will be low-cost places like Bolton that will continue to pay the biggest price in terms of safety.

Prime example being Rochdale. Now into it's second generation of dysfunction.

OP posts:
HairyAries · 24/08/2026 22:21

I think this leaflet was a necessary thing, in that seeing as people are coming here and claiming asylum anyway - they need to be told clearly about the law and culture here.

Whether people are pro or against the asylum seekers coming here, is a separate question.

But yeah I feel having the leaflet is better than not having it. Was it a new initiative under Burnham?
I think it needs to go further though: That part about rape being serious and how it ‘could’ affect your asylum claim 😬 ‘Could’ ought to change to ‘will’, and the law needs to change to reflect that.
I don’t know if the leaflet covers other topics? Covering rape and sexual assault is of course the most important thing, but in my opinion it should also cover other behaviour too, eg spitting, noise, litter, hygiene. (Yes I know that there is anti-social behaviour in that way from plenty of British people as well, but believe me through my line of work I’ve known immigrants that seem unaware or not to care about what is acceptable regarding those things.)
The trouble is, the press and therefore the public aren’t going to take it well if all that was having to be spelt out to immigrants on a leaflet. I can imagine the headlines - “asylum seekers having to be taught to wash their hands after going to the toilet!”, and it would fuel more outrage.
Nevertheless, I really think that the government needs to work more than this on trying to ensure that people integrate, if they are going to be given permission to live here.

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:21

Can the men that these pamphlets are aimed at even read English? Or are they printed in different languages? Sorry if this has been asked already, I haven’t read the whole thread

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:25

HairyAries · 24/08/2026 22:21

I think this leaflet was a necessary thing, in that seeing as people are coming here and claiming asylum anyway - they need to be told clearly about the law and culture here.

Whether people are pro or against the asylum seekers coming here, is a separate question.

But yeah I feel having the leaflet is better than not having it. Was it a new initiative under Burnham?
I think it needs to go further though: That part about rape being serious and how it ‘could’ affect your asylum claim 😬 ‘Could’ ought to change to ‘will’, and the law needs to change to reflect that.
I don’t know if the leaflet covers other topics? Covering rape and sexual assault is of course the most important thing, but in my opinion it should also cover other behaviour too, eg spitting, noise, litter, hygiene. (Yes I know that there is anti-social behaviour in that way from plenty of British people as well, but believe me through my line of work I’ve known immigrants that seem unaware or not to care about what is acceptable regarding those things.)
The trouble is, the press and therefore the public aren’t going to take it well if all that was having to be spelt out to immigrants on a leaflet. I can imagine the headlines - “asylum seekers having to be taught to wash their hands after going to the toilet!”, and it would fuel more outrage.
Nevertheless, I really think that the government needs to work more than this on trying to ensure that people integrate, if they are going to be given permission to live here.

If we have to teach such basic values, I really fear for the West. And I’m thinking of Iran when I say that

NancyThompson · 24/08/2026 22:26

GunnelVallquist · 24/08/2026 22:09

That’s fair enough I guess.

I’m only over here because of my English husband.

And I’d say I have definitely adapted and integrated.

I'm also an immigrant. I got a work permit as I had an in-demand skill. I like to think that my presence makes a positive contribution to the UK.

HairyAries · 24/08/2026 22:27

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:21

Can the men that these pamphlets are aimed at even read English? Or are they printed in different languages? Sorry if this has been asked already, I haven’t read the whole thread

They are printed in different languages.
However, through my experience (at work), I know that there are a lot of migrants who are not literate in their own language. So I hope in cases like that those people might have it read to them perhaps with an audio translation.

EasternStandard · 24/08/2026 22:28

HairyAries · 24/08/2026 22:21

I think this leaflet was a necessary thing, in that seeing as people are coming here and claiming asylum anyway - they need to be told clearly about the law and culture here.

Whether people are pro or against the asylum seekers coming here, is a separate question.

But yeah I feel having the leaflet is better than not having it. Was it a new initiative under Burnham?
I think it needs to go further though: That part about rape being serious and how it ‘could’ affect your asylum claim 😬 ‘Could’ ought to change to ‘will’, and the law needs to change to reflect that.
I don’t know if the leaflet covers other topics? Covering rape and sexual assault is of course the most important thing, but in my opinion it should also cover other behaviour too, eg spitting, noise, litter, hygiene. (Yes I know that there is anti-social behaviour in that way from plenty of British people as well, but believe me through my line of work I’ve known immigrants that seem unaware or not to care about what is acceptable regarding those things.)
The trouble is, the press and therefore the public aren’t going to take it well if all that was having to be spelt out to immigrants on a leaflet. I can imagine the headlines - “asylum seekers having to be taught to wash their hands after going to the toilet!”, and it would fuel more outrage.
Nevertheless, I really think that the government needs to work more than this on trying to ensure that people integrate, if they are going to be given permission to live here.

I think the whole system needs to be addressed instead.

NancyThompson · 24/08/2026 22:30

HollyhocksandPeons · 24/08/2026 22:15

Apologies, but I wrote an INFLUX. I meant an INFLUX. Did not mean the odd person here and there.

I do tend to make a distinction by country/culture. Around 160,000 people from Hong Kong moved to the UK and I think it's safe to say they're not running around sexually assaulting women and girls. Plus they tend to vote Tory.

However I do take the point that our services are very stretched indeed.

JuliaBraverman · 24/08/2026 22:30

HairyAries · 24/08/2026 22:27

They are printed in different languages.
However, through my experience (at work), I know that there are a lot of migrants who are not literate in their own language. So I hope in cases like that those people might have it read to them perhaps with an audio translation.

Edited

Right… how depressing.

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 22:31

I can’t believe this has been put in a leaflet but I feel British men need it too

BubbleAndLeek · 24/08/2026 22:32

NancyThompson · 24/08/2026 22:26

I'm also an immigrant. I got a work permit as I had an in-demand skill. I like to think that my presence makes a positive contribution to the UK.

You didn't rock up illegally. You waited till the UK invited you in

TaleOfTwoHalves · 24/08/2026 22:32

@NancyThompson

did you arrive by dinghy? FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!

BubbleAndLeek · 24/08/2026 22:34

somethigelse2 · 24/08/2026 22:31

I can’t believe this has been put in a leaflet but I feel British men need it too

But as a % less. Vastly less.

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