Husband won't drive

[Tdp123]

My husband has a driving license but decided about 15 years ago that he doesn't like driving, so he hasn't been behind the wheel since.

We are currently on holiday in a remote part of the UK—a destination that he chose and booked. We both enjoy having a drink with dinner.

Tonight is our last night, and he is currently throwing a massive strop. He even called me a "cunt" because I am refusing to drive 30 minutes each way to go out for dinner, which would mean he gets to drink while I have to stay sober to drive us back.

I have cooked, served, and washed up every single evening on this holiday. I am happy to do the same tonight, especially since we have plenty of nice food and drink right here in our beautiful accommodation that will otherwise go to waste.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Why have you been cooking every night?

He sounds like a cunt, not you.

What do you want to do?

And? Anger isn't an argument.

Maybe it's time to get angry yourself. Very angry.

I feel like there's a lot more to this than the driving thing. I can't think of a scenario in which my DP would EVER call me a cunt. That's not ok OP. Are you getting anything out of this relationship other than being his chauffeur, chef and cleaner?

Your husband isn’t treating you like a partner — he’s treating you like the unpaid help. He picked a remote holiday knowing he refuses to drive, let you cook and clean every night, and now he’s furious because you won’t chauffeur him so he can drink.

Calling you a “cunt” on top of that just confirms it: he expects service, not equality. You’re not refusing dinner. You’re refusing to play maid, driver, and verbal punchbag all at once.

Only one c*nt present there.

Hint, It's not her.

He would be angry: Well there you are then! There is far more to this situation than having a drink with OP's dinner! He is a Violent Abuser. Maybe that is why he no longer drives: he is a violent person and cannot be trusted behind the wheel of a car. OP is being bullied and is the victim of DV.

How old are you both? Is he retired? Is the outburst and language used out of character?

I future flatly refuse to go anywhere that involves a lot of driving- or involves driving at all.
It's pure selfishness expecting you to do it all.

Why are you even with him OP? Are you frightened of him? Has he ever hit you ?

Presumably OP has not come back because she’s driving. Hopefully on her own.

Yanbu. He's perfectly within his own rights to decide he doesn't want to drive but that doesn't mean he has the right to demand you drive him around and he certainly has no right to call you names. Tell him to make his own way there via taxi and you stay in your accommodation and get a lovely takeaway (or cook if you prefer) and bottle of wine, be tempted to tell him to make his own way home from the holiday too.

To be clear then, you are his cook, cleaner and chauffeur. And he gets to drink and sit back on holiday while you do all this. And when you say no to chauffeuring him to dinner while you have to stay sober in order to satisfy his requirements, you are verbally abused. And you are questioning whether YOU ABU..?

Why are you putting up with this horrible man?

Leave him there. He can make his own way home. He's an abusive twat and you already know this.

Jesus. Do people really live like this??

OP, your partner is just awful. No one should be verbally abusing you and your partner (key is in the word here) should be contributing equally to the domestic load, like cooking, cleaning and driving and not unilaterally deciding that workload is all yours and calling you a cunt if you don’t do it.

Please understand that is it NOT NORMAL within a healthy relationship, in fact it’s fucking awful. I feel so sorry for you ☹️

So I didnt like driving. I had a massive crash on the motorway that gave me PSTD.
I didn't get a new car. But soon learnt if I wanted to go places I would have no choice but to drive myself which I happily do now.

So the moral is: stop driving that bastard. Say no. He will have no choice eventually.

Your DH calls you a cunt and you ask who is being unreasonable? He’s really done a number on you, in the kindest possible way

You sound like a doormat.
Don’t you think you deserve better than this?
Are you a team?
This sounds awful.

Your DH sounds like a deeply unpleasant person. You say he will only get angrier if you suggests he drives for once which does sound abusive. Have you considered that you are being manipulated and controlled and don't need to put with that kind of life especially being called disgusting names?

OP, I will let you into a couple of secrets that I don’t usually admit here:

I don’t like driving. I only drive very occasionally but not on motorways after a bad experience.

My husband doesn’t like cooking. He does do other household things.

I don’t expect anyone to drive me and my husband doesn’t expect anyone to cook for him. When we go on holiday he drives and I cook. It is a trade off. We don’t go out in the evening unless the restaurant is a walk away because on holiday we both like a drink.

You need to have a discussion with your husband about his expectations that you do everything.

If it's that remote, probably OK to have a couple of drinks

Never ok to call a spouse the C word in anger. That’s crossing a line.

I feel like him not driving is the least of your problems in this relationship.

Absolutely.

I'd go further and argue that it's never OK to call anyone that word, in anger or otherwise.

Fuck him off!

Calling u that is vile.