Husband won't drive

[Tdp123]

My husband has a driving license but decided about 15 years ago that he doesn't like driving, so he hasn't been behind the wheel since.

We are currently on holiday in a remote part of the UK—a destination that he chose and booked. We both enjoy having a drink with dinner.

Tonight is our last night, and he is currently throwing a massive strop. He even called me a "cunt" because I am refusing to drive 30 minutes each way to go out for dinner, which would mean he gets to drink while I have to stay sober to drive us back.

I have cooked, served, and washed up every single evening on this holiday. I am happy to do the same tonight, especially since we have plenty of nice food and drink right here in our beautiful accommodation that will otherwise go to waste.

Am I being unreasonable here?

Also for a woman more than 2 units a day is technically binge drinking. One can of my favourite cider is 2.3 units so finishing the can is binge drinking. What utter nonsense that a woman in her 40s can't finish one can of cider without being judged as a binge drinker who should have grown out of it in her 20s.

This.

He chose and booked the holiday - in the middle of nowhere - expecting his wife to drive him to a restaurant. Not sure if we reversed the roles anyone would say anything different.

Doesn’t sound like much of a holiday @Tdp123

We needed to drive in Europe and I am not confident enough on the right so H happily drove. We like a drink at dinner, but together, so I didn’t drink until car was parked up for the night. It wouldn’t cross my mind to call him a “cunt” for not driving me 30 minutes to watch me drink, that’s just a level of contempt and dislike that shouldn’t exist in a marriage.

I honestly can’t fathom how you cook, clean and do all the driving and still get called out and still want to stay with someone (marriage or not marriage can be dissolved it’s just lengthy paperwork). H was explaining to me on holiday how even if he is super stressed at work, or having to do difficult drives on the right hand side or whatever that he can’t be on a bad mood around me and the teens because we are his favourite people in the world and he always feels better around us. Perhaps he has low standards or I have high ones I don’t know but whatever how your H talks to you, the expectations on you, your willingness to put up with it all, this doesn’t sound like love in my world.

So what now? He is going to make your last night away miserable because you fancy a chilled drink as well, is this even after you cook (again) and clean up (again) and he sits there being a dick calling you the worse names whilst contributing little and all because you don’t fancy doing the same thing he stopped doing 15 years ago?

So you going to do all the packing, drive him safely home, go get groceries on return, do the holiday laundry when you get back and he will still act like golden penis being shunned?

Not having the confidence to drive is one thing ( that can happen , sometimes a person might feel they have to learn , it’s the done thing etc but they’re not natural drivers and they’re not good at it ) however, expecting you to cook and clean up and then calling you the C word ..I’d leave him behind and let him make his own way home

The French and Italians very typically have a glass of wine, or two, with the main meal of the day. They have for centuries. Though other European cuisines, including the British, have caught up - particularly in this century - for ages these were held to be the two finest cuisines in Europe.

The British food revolution began when Elizabeth David brought them here.

@Tdp123 he called you a cnt?!?!?! I think he needs to look in the mirror if he wants to see a cnt!

I wouldn't want to be sharing a meal with someone who called me that, let alone drive them to dinner.

Personally I'd probably agree to the meal in the restaurant but make it clear that as you cannot drink then neither can he. And if he so much as slurps a beer then do a runner in the car and leave him stranded!

I don't drink but this is a ridiculous take, she's perfectly entitled to want a drink on holiday

If he doesn't want to drive ok. But he doesn't get to complain. He can book a taxi then you can both have a drink

Seriously? You doubt yourself over someone that calls you a cunt to your face?

Just read this....does the fact he called you a cunt not put you off more? 🤔

What's the refusal to drive about?

Wondering as an ex of mine was alcoholic and never not pissed so i, by default, was designated driver and NEVER got to have a drink with dinner.

If your hubby is a drinker, you have my sympathies. Living with an alcoholic is shit.

Did he randomly decide he doesn’t like driving or did something happen to make him dislike driving? I would tell him you’re happy to go but can he drive so you can have a drink for once. I would also be questioning why you’re a cunt for not driving but he isn’t?

That'd be guaranteed to make him even angrier.

Are you afraid to make him angry, OP?

He's manipulating you with his anger, that is coercive control.

he is a total loser

And therein lies the problem. You do far too much and have set the bar that low, that he expects you to do everything, whilst he is a cunt who makes no effort at all.

WHO and gov.uk define binge drinking as more than 6 units in a day for a woman. However it is recommended that we have no more than 2 units per day .

There is a lot of air between those statements.

Ah, so he is not only a selfish cunt, but an aggressive one too.

Time for an exit plan. You 100% deserve better.

I can’t believe you are still there with him. He called you a cunt and appears to despise you.

Where’s your self respect?

Well then I suggest when you get home you leave him if you can’t before. You have to stay in line and not make him angry? Nah leave him

I hope this thread has made you realise you are in an abusive relationship with a horrible man, and I hope you can get yourself in a position to leave him. You don’t have to live like this.

and just on this particular point - why would you behaving exactly like he has done make him angry? If he doesn’t drive you out for dinner tonight given you want a drink, would you call him a cunt?

And?

You're frightened of him, aren't you?

Hes abusive, coercive and controlling

Get divorced

I hope you haven’t made him dinner!