AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

[Schoolchanging]

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

Goodness grief. What have I just read?

you have disrupted your kids schooling because you are jealous? I’d laugh but my god ‘those poor kids, your poor partner’ I’ve not read the whole thread - unless he’s been shagging around with anything with a pulse you are really really really U.

Sounds like an over reaction but whatever. What exactly are you looking for here? You feel how you feel, you've made your decision and moved the kids, what's the point of going back and forth on mumsnet???

I'm assuming your husband was supportive of the school change, if that's what you both decided is what you need to do then move on.

Can't stand the controlling feature your showing and don't bother with all the excuses it's a better school etc etc...Your bizarre and I wouldn't stay married...my dh has done school run for years and regularly takes a neighbour and her two kids especially during winter, I couldn't care less, I'm just glad he enjoyed helping someone out

What have I just read?

OP you sound as if you have major control issues. This is not normal behaviour at all.

If my DP behaved like this, serious words would be being had.

As others are saying, this is insane..Good luck OP

Just wow.

Good grief, how incredibly self absorbed. You don't mention what's best for your children anywhere. Just gobsmacking

The new school is better in many ways.

The clingy neighbour won't be a problem.
Sometimes it is really hard to politely say no to needy people. Your DH is possibly very kind.

This has to be a windup surely? No mother, even a shitty one, would disrupt their child's life over something so daft. I've seen some children (the quiet shy type) never get over switching schools socially.

I don't care if he was fucking her, you don't do that to your children unless it is for a very good reason.

It is all completely pointless anyway. If he is going to have an affair with her, then he is going to have an affair with her. Doesn't matter if you move schools, house or anything else.

If you wanted to disrupt any life over this, it should have been your own i.e. change jobs so that you do the school run now.

Bat shit.

Just when you think there can't be any more batshit posts on MN!

Sorry OP, the odd person here is you, not your neighbour. I feel for your DH and your children, you are insane.

I was going to make a sarcastic post about you needing to send your children to boarding school.

I won't but I will tell you that from my own experience 3 primary schools was very damaging to me.

Stop hurting your children on a whim.

They leave at the same time and are going to the same place - how did you expect him to change the situation - just tell the neighbour that his wife is controlling and won't let him speak to other women - or did you want him to be specific and say that you had a problem with her a she is too intense and isn't as friendly with you (who doesn't do the school run so she can't be)
BTW if you come across as totally insane in real life as you do on this post, that is why she isn't as friendly with you as she is with your easy going DH
Just imagine how you would feel (as well as Mumsnet) if it was the other way round and your DH was telling you who you could and couldn't be friends with based on their paranoia

She sounds ADHD along with PDA which is autism related. The lack of washing is likely a sensory thing mixed with teenage-hood. Also with PDA, the higher her anxiety, the higher her need to control her environment. Personally in your shoes I’d completely step back from sorting and nagging about the bedroom state. Both are stressful to her and increase her controling behaviours. Thats her space and the most I’d do is remove plates/bowls/cups and gift her a laundry basket for her room. Completely step back as you’re getting nowhere going head to head and need to try a different approach. I’d also step back from asking her to do things in shared spaces, you need to change the dynamics first and build a more constructive rapport so that she doesn’t feel got at all the time and feels valued. Focus on exploring some shared interests and having fun together without constantly negativity.and conflict. Improving your relationship is priority for now.

She will only take a car load of stuff to uni and this is quite helpful. The less she takes there, the easier it is to stay on top of things if she wants to.

Deep clean her room im your house after shes left for uni in a few weeks time.

Tell her she can ring you about concerns and when she does this, find constructive ways to help her find solutions.

Support her to make links with student services. You can always chat to them directly about the self care and studying concerns.

if she becomes ready to make changes, employ a declutterer who can help her streamline and create systems for laundry, studying etc. Owning less really helps

I am assuming this isn’t the first school move?

If the neighbour is giving you bad vibes then deal with it without causing your children upheaval. Get a grip and put your children’s needs first!

Heck wrong thread!

So you unilaterally changed their school to put a stop to it? Wow. That's incredibly controlling. If dh pulled that stunt because I wouldn't obey him I'd be gone.

OP are you getting any mental health support? Do you understand that you will eventually drive your family away with this controlling behaviour?

@Schoolchanging based on the information given, moving schools does seem like an extreme reaction and not actually dealing with the problem.

"I trust him, it's HER I don't trust!"

facepalm

If you trust him, you don't need to trust her...

You have serious issues, and your kids are bearing the brunt.

You are utterly batshit. I feel sorry for your DC and your DH as well.

What will you do next time you think a woman is showing him attention?

It's a you problem. Or possibly a DH problem. Your kids should not be affected in the crossfire.

You really can't be uprooting the kids and disrupting their education every time your dh forgets his boundaries or your urge to control his behaviour gets the upper hand.

Identify and address the real problem or it will just follow the kids to their new school.

Did you post this for a clap on the back and a big well done? Reverse the genders here OP;

If a husband didn't want his wife fraternizing with a neighbour and unilaterally decided to change the kids' schools to stop her walking/talking with said neighbour... That's control. Do you routinely isolate him away from people you don't like?

And I'm not surprised she often blanks you! You don't sound like a very nice person.

You are unhinged.

Uprooting your child because you have trust issues is beyond words…

So is this your children's second change of school if you moved two years ago?