AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

[Schoolchanging]

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

Are you serious?!! Honestly I hope this is a wind up

This must be up there with the most bonkers thing I have read on here.

You moved your children's school because your dh walked with your neighbour!
So you are quite happy to turn their lives upside down because you lack the kahunas to have this out with your dh.

Do not underestimate the upheaval of moving schools, speaking as someone who moved school. I had my twin, so we always had each other, but it was massive for both of us.
We moved house and I kept both my kids in school and hour away so they didn't have to go what we went through.

Did you consider your children in all this at all?

You are unhinged!!

You're moving schools because of this. Wow.

If anything was going on he'd have told the neighbour immediately. Surely the fact she was clueless is a sign that the perceived closeness is all in your imagination? You obviously don't trust him if you think this woman may be able to entice him into wrongdoing.

I’m guessing you perceive her as attractive op. And that’s why you’re so threatened, the thing is you’re still living next door to her, he will still see her.

whay are you going to do, all the school runs so he can’t talk to any other attractive women?

I would have concerns that you aren’t able to prioritise your children’s needs above your own manipulative game playing towards your husband.
This decision has nothing to do with what is in the best interests of your children and everything to do with exerting power and punishing your husband.
You can say oh it’s a better school etc but the reality is it was a knee jerk response to show your husband there are “consequences” and your children were the very last consideration to your plan.

You know he could just talk to your neighbour and not do a school run? Changing schools is a huge upheaval for your children

You should have moved county. Neighbour is still a neighbour I take?

Goodness grief. Where do you even start with this.

Your poor child having to move schools again..

Well if it turns out I was right and things continue outside of school runs at least they will be at school with great wraparound and on the way to my work so it’ll be easier for me.

He has friends and colleagues who are younger / more attractive. Difference being they seem like decent people, the female friends come round, chat to me as well. No issues. He goes running with a female colleague, she is lovely and I don’t get any bad feelings whatsoever but with our neighbour I just can’t cope she gives me a really unpleasant concern. She looks at me horribly, she looks at dh like he’s amazing and it’s weird. She barely can say one word to me ever. She had put her own ‘care pack’ in the car for when she gets a lift (tissues , lip balm, gum why do that ?)

Maybe it’s partly because im perimenopausal but I don’t feel this way about any other female dh talks to?

We got no choice with schools when moved here and the new one is better anyway so it’s a positive change

And yes I have insecurities but I won’t post about those as probably not relevant but I do feel out of place here . Will
hide the thread now as had so many responses and reading more is unlikely to help.

Not the point of the thread… but do you mean cojones? 😂😂

Yep.

You’ve changed your kids’ school because you’re worried your husband is shagging (or wants to shag) your neighbour??!

Entirely bonkers!! Poor kids!!

Eh?

Cojones doesn't appear anywhere in my post, so I'm in the dark as to what you are on about 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you are referring to kahunas, Google it 😂😂

Going against the grain, a friend’s marriage broke up due to something similar. Yes of course the DH is also responsible, but in that case it was definitely the school mum who was attracted to her DH and initiated/pushed for the relationship. Able to because of close contact via a shared school activity. So in your case, I think YANBU. Sounds a sensible solution all around.

@Schoolchanging you did what was best for you and it seems like a better all round deal for all.
Your additional posts give some more insight into your neighbour's behaviour, her crossing of boundaries and her attitude towards you.
Some of the replies you received were harsh and unnecessarily nasty. It's sad that some can be like that in their responses. They seem to forget that there is another hurting human being at the other end. I doubt they would be so harsh face to face, being sarcastic and laughing.

Wishing you lots of luck in the future. Hope it all works out for you.

It would be a positive change if you actually did it for the kids - not because you think your husband is shagging the neighbour on the school run

Cojones means testicles. It’s used as slang for balls or courage.

Kahuna is a Hawaiian term for a religious leader and can be used as slang for boss or top dog.

They are pronounced similarly but in the sentence you’ve written, the word you were looking for was cojones.

It just tickled me slightly because of the image that it counjoured up of someone having a couple of big polynesians as backup.

I did. How can you lack a priest to have something out with your husband?

Green eyed jealous wife uproots kids to a whole new school as DH wouldn’t stop giving lift to neighbour she perceived as a threat and felt she was ‘missing out’.

All very histrionic, if needed a simple my husband can’t give you a lift any more or taking DC to school by OP herself would have sorted any issue.

All this it’s wonderful in the end, much better school etc is justifying what appears from outside to be 🦇 💩 behaviour.

This is mad. You list some perks of the new school but admit the move is because of the neighbour. I’d only move my child schools because I thought it was best for them.

You do know the neighbour can just change her child to the new school too?

I agree with others - totally a you problem I’m afraid. You don’t trust your husband.

@Schoolchanging what has your DHs reaction been to the change of school? Relieved your issue with neighbour will be over? Or annoyed as he thinks you’ve gone OTT? Or couldn’t care less either way, school run is the school run?