AIBU to change schools over my husband helping a neighbour?

[Schoolchanging]

Dh had always done school drop off and pick up due to my work hours and over the last 18 months I’d got increasingly irritated by him walking with or giving a lift to a neighbour whose child goes to the same school.

So I decided we would change dc to a different school a little further away and they are due to start there in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t want to spend time on discussions and boundaries and wanted to just eliminate the stress on our relationship. I told him I wasn’t comfortable that I’d asked him to stop and as he wasn’t I was changing schools to which he said ‘fine that’s your choice’. Dc are ok about it as we know people who go to the new school as well.

Neighbour has just spoken to us as we were leaving at the same time and she said to dh ‘back to the usual routine soon then!’ And I said ‘actually no, dc are going to be at a different school so all change for us !’ To which she turned to dh and said ‘why haven’t you told me this already?’ Which I found odd.

I find it weird (and, tbh, disturbing) that one partner in a marriage might feel they have the right to decide who the other speaks to.

What a mental thing to do. Poor kids.

You seriously have some issues! Your poor kids

Wow you are seriously unhinged, such an extreme over reaction. I feel very sorry for your children. You need to grow up and behave like a responsible parent.

You obviously don't trust him though, seeing as you've just uprooted your children's entire education because of your jealousy.

YABU simply because a cheater is a cheater and if he wants to cheat, he will. Sorry, OP.

Lol

You changed schools rather than just saying you couldn’t do the lift share? It wasn’t even you don’t the lift share? Bizarre and poor kids

Poor kids

You sound like hard work

Still seems like an extreme measure ; change schools for your dc just so your dh doesn't see the neighbour during school runs. What is to stop him helping out with other things? Maybe she needs some practical help? Or maybe just someone to talk to and she will call your dh. She lives next door so they are bound to see each other. And if there is mutual attraction they will find ways.

I feel sorry for your dh unless there are grounds for your suspicions. He also seems to be a wet lettuce letting you change schools because you're jealous. Maybe he will find other attractive mums to help out at New school that you won't even know about because not neighbours. Better lock him in. Or that's right you will be doing the school run now. And don't allow him to drive your dc to activities- you never know. Bonkers.

So if a neighbour blanked you, but cosied up to your husband, you'd be okay with him continuing to talk to her? Do the school run with her? You wouldn't find it disloyal behaviour on his part, since married couples are supposed to value each other above everyone else? Because I would. If anyone is rude to me, my dh doesn't act all friendly with them. I'd expect him to shut that right down.

You remind me of the pilot husband and wife from Come Fly with Me when the wife trains as a pilot just so she can keep her eye on him. Bit of an extreme reaction when your DH hasn't even had an affair.

Boiled rabbit for tea tonight ?

Actually, your gut is telling you to beg wary. Moving schools has other benefits for you, so crack on.

our instincts don’t often ping for no reason

Cool story bro.

Or you’re a fucking nut job

Even if this is true and the OP’s “gut” is telling her something (as opposed to raging paranoia), the idea that moving schools will resolve the issue is delusional.

If the husband is having an affair with this woman, or even thinking about it, he will find a way.

All this does is create huge upheaval and unsettle the children, without tackling the root issue, which is the lack of trust in the marriage.

She's still your neighbour - are you planning to move house too?

Talk about paranoid.

Loads of women think they're being paranoid, until it turns out that they weren't!

Ive read thru already. I think an opinion has been formed by the poster and this person gives her bad vibes. Thats it. Maybe the neighbour is overstepping? Get your kid to school yourself. It might be the neighbour is creating situations were she can be dependent and thankful to the husband. Maybe the neighbour is a bit of an unfriendly, stuck up wotsit?

What on earth have I just read?!.

Seriously OP you need to work on your trust issues. Changing schools because of this is extreme.

Again though, the point is not so much paranoia vs reality. The point is the way the OP is choosing to tackle it.

None of us can know if there is really an issue with this particular woman or if its in OP’s head. Her gut might be right.

But she won’t be able to deal with it by uprooting her children from their schools. If there is something going on with this woman it will carry on as she’s a neighbour. If there isn’t, OP has needlessly raised her husband’s hackles by controlling him and caused loads of unnecessary upheaval for her family.

You can’t manage infidelity or trust issues by policing other people’s behaviour and interactions with others.

The OP needs to understand what’s going on in her marriage before she starts putting up heavy handed “boundaries” which create massive grief for other people.

I do agree this is not going to fix things in the long run

Exactly! Absolutely ridiculous response from the OP.

Absolutely batshit.