AIBU to think my husband is lying about another school mum?

[Ailiss]

So, I have woken up this morning to a fairly devastating message and my husband is not helping at all.
To cut a long story short, I have woken up to a message from one of the mums at DS's school telling me that both on Friday when she dropped her DD off (Scotland so we went back last week), and yesterday when she dropped her DD off at Gymnastics and went to sit in her car (DS goes to gymnastics too), my DH made some sexual advances on her.
She didn't elaborate, I have asked her to but she messaged around 9pm last night and I only just saw it when I woke up this morning, so she might be busy this morning and just hasn't seen my reply.
I asked DH for more info, and he said thats just not true. He claims he hardly spoke to her on Friday, and yesterday when he saw her parked up offered to buy her a coffee, so he did then they sat in her car together, he claims nothing else happened.
However last year he did make a joke about some of the mums of DS's friends being "smoking hot, 10/10s".
I know this woman fairly well, she is married, but much younger than us, maybe mid-20s, DH and I are knocking on 40. I actually went to school with her older brother and remember her when she was very small!

AIBU to think DH is just lying to me? What would she get out of sending me that if it wasn't true?

I think that's the normal part. Why wouldn't a guy in his late 30s find a 25yo attractive?

Women's intuition is a real thing and I think you know you have a gut feeling OP or you would have laughed it off as ludicrous. The comments he made last year, his reaction now and this woman's realistic version of events all point to your husband being a creep. All the while doing this with her children present. Ugh. I'm sorry.

😆

When I was 22 I was in a car with a guy that was pushing his luck, and 40 years ago my gut was screaming at me to keep him sweet.
I did.
I told him I had an upset stomach and felt i desperately needed a loo.
He was driving an expensive car and clearly could do the math.
As I was exiting he demanded i give him a kiss on the cheek.
I did.
40 years later I can remember my head screaming to humour him and get the fxxk out of that car.

Two years later I had the huge satisfaction of telling a female colleague of his at a conference what a creep he was.

I feel so much for that post partum woman and this utter scum getting into her car.

This is 100% a police matter.

He IS a predator.

I just can’t imagine a scenario where I’d be sat in my car and any of the school dads think it would be ok to knock on the window and ask to sit with me for a full hour. It’s really intense and creepy, it’s not something any woman would easily be able to say no to in the moment. In the space of a day he’s escalated from a sexual comment to sitting next to her alone in her car.

She’s messaged because she wants him to stop, that’s all she’s got to gain from this. The poor woman.

Exactly.

What are there more of in the world? Beautiful 25-year-olds so unhinged that they make up stories about other people’s husbands for absolutely no personal benefit?

OR

Married men who make sexual advances at beautiful 25-year-olds?

I'd be shocked even by the admission of buying her a coffee and sitting in the car! Isn't that crossing a line in itself? I believe her and I don't know either of them because like you say, she gets nothing out of it, in fact it's probably awkward for her to raise it with you. She probably doesn't want to affect the relationship between you two and wouldn't know how you would respond.
And that comment was so unnecessary, I would even feel a bit insecure that he's openly looking at other mum's in that way. It's disrespectful to all. No wonder you don't trust him.

OP, for the love of God, your husband is a sleazy bastard who is just itching to be unfaithful to you. It's as plain as day. Just those ugly comments about other women being smoking hot and 10/10 should tell you that. Raise your bar off the floor.

I'm in my late 20s but my gosh not long ago, I would have gone along with things, not quite knowing how to deal with a situation. I admire those that just seem to know what to do, maybe even being a bit more assertive, but sometimes it takes maturity, experience etc. and things like this catches you by surprise.
It makes me angry but I do think age matters as it almost feels a bit predatory! When I first read the post I thought I can't imagine how uncomfortable/vulnerable she must have felt with him imposing on her by getting in her car. I think she's reflected and messaged the OP and done the right thing.

In the moment, it's so hard to say how we'll react to these bloody awful predators.

Years ago,living very rurally with young kids,going thru divorce, no mobile, just a landline. A much older man that exH and I knew, 'popped by' one eve. I wasn't comfortable, but thought (very wrongly) it was best to just offer him a cup of tea and be 'nice'. He asked to use the bathroom before leaving,spent ages in there.

When he came out, I said you'll have to go now, I need to go to bed.
I'll always remember him, coming towards me and saying ''Yes, and i want to go to bed with you''

I froze,terrified, but somehow then laughed, linked his arm in mine, which threw him off guard and escorted him to the door, humouring him as though 'not tonight you won't sunshine'

He hung around in his car in the dark. Next day I felt SO angry... & phoned his house. He was out,his wife answered. I didn't say anything, said I'd call later.....then totally let rip at him,shouting that if he EVER PULLED A STUNT LIKE THAT AGAIN, I'D PHONE THE POLICE. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR???DO NOT COME NEAR ME, EVER.

She called me the next day, having questioned him and I then told her what happened.He was shaken after my call,said he'd tried it on with me, but I wasn't having it. But she wanted to know whose underwear she'd found in his car that morning,whether we were having an affair???

It was MINE.....He'd stolen it from my washbasket whilst in the bathroom.

Thankfully, I never saw or heard from him again, but I learned a lot of lessons from that night that have stayed with me for decades.Still makes me shudder.

“Smoking hot, 10/10’s.” Honestly, that instantly made me feel ill. What a turn off. YANBU. Don’t waste any more of your life, please.

What does this younger married woman with a new baby have to gain from telling this story?
Occam’s Razor theory suggests when you have two competing theories that explain something equally well, the simpler explanation is usually correct.

yep. I’ve smiled and nodded my way through multiple horrendous situations with men.

I know it's like we make ourselves uncomfortable trying to protect their comfortability ugh

And what would be the point of her making this up?

Having your Dh’s back, against all logic, isn’t a good thing.

Oh OP. Of course he's lying to you.
I'm sorry💐