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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry that my husband is unconcerned about women’s safety?

438 replies

Peedoffdoesntcutit · 21/08/2026 19:59

To be pissed off with my husband. I said how upset I am that the child abuse and rape leaflet from the government is judged as necessary and we are continuing to let these men into our country who pose a threat to women. He just shrugged - I said doesn’t it bother you these men are coming into our society. We have daughters , I am a woman. I absolutely do not feel safe anymore where we live and would not walk on my own anymore. He said no not really. Absolutely furious with him. Does he not have to care as he’s a big tall man? I’m so pissed off, I’ve walked off and he’s given me the ick.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Womanofcustard · 22/08/2026 13:43

Jeez, the ‘white men rape’ apologists are out in force here!
just stop making excuses!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:43

chirrupybird · 22/08/2026 13:29

The IRA? They were pretty good terrorists, bombings all over England and killings all over Ireland. I don't think you would have called them puppies at the time and I wouldn't say it loudly in some Irish pubs now.

Likewise the British army side terrorist groups who slaughtered many Catholics, and the many IRA members eventually employed by the British government, informants, The British government had prior knowledge of many deaths in NI but let them go ahead in the name of intelligence gathering Like Stake-knife Freddie.

I will say what I like in an Irish pub or to my DH from Belfast. ☘️

Anyway if you want to start on thread on the IRA work away. This isn’t it.

WatermelonSalad1 · 22/08/2026 13:44

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:38

I don’t find funny necessarily, maybe insanely hypocritical that she’s been talking about NIMBYism when this isn’t her backyard, and not wanting foreign men when, again, she is not even here to be affected.

I'm so glad the thread police have arrived
Is there a list of poster countries that can't comment on this issue? Or any other issue? I must've not got the guide when I registered.

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:45

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:22

Do you think this is an England problem. I get that you’re pretty insulated in your views. This disgusting problem is happening all over Europe.
There was also a time in Ireland when English people were not welcome, attacked and even executed, so I can understand the worry in England as the Irish people did wish harm on them and did cause harm.

It was standard practice to hate the English people. We moved on, not without a lot of pain and bloodshed but sounds like you’re happy to repeat the experience this time around with the Muslim extremism, Ireland were puppies in comparison.

Always the same, anyone with a different view is ‘insulated’ (I assume you mean sheltered, protected?)

I’m not sure I’m following your logic - England had to experience terrorist atfacks, Irish people hated the English, therefore we should learn from that and never let ‘foreigners’ in to either country?

The IRA were not and are not puppies. How interesting that you minimise the bloodshed of a group you maybe feel an affinity with.

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:46

WatermelonSalad1 · 22/08/2026 13:44

I'm so glad the thread police have arrived
Is there a list of poster countries that can't comment on this issue? Or any other issue? I must've not got the guide when I registered.

Anyone can say whatever they like, and anyone else can say they find it laughable.

Hope that helps.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:47

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:38

I don’t find funny necessarily, maybe insanely hypocritical that she’s been talking about NIMBYism when this isn’t her backyard, and not wanting foreign men when, again, she is not even here to be affected.

Oh my goodness. Are you really that ignorant to believe that this is only a problem on the UK? Or just England??? Seriously. First funny, now I’m a hypocrite.
You are an apologist. Any reason to defend your position.

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:48

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:09

Creating awareness. There is men patrolling areas in the cities in Ireland. They would be referred to as far right but they’re parents who are sick of immigrants sitting in children’s park, using drugs, smoking crack, leering at women. They don’t approach anyone as there has been a few occasions if immigrants carrying knifes. It’s more to create a visual awareness.

How are men patrolling the streets ‘creating awareness’ of anything other than that they have a lot of free time on their hands? This is just mob behaviour and you’re justifying it. How many of those men have never laid a hand on a woman or child?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:49

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:45

Always the same, anyone with a different view is ‘insulated’ (I assume you mean sheltered, protected?)

I’m not sure I’m following your logic - England had to experience terrorist atfacks, Irish people hated the English, therefore we should learn from that and never let ‘foreigners’ in to either country?

The IRA were not and are not puppies. How interesting that you minimise the bloodshed of a group you maybe feel an affinity with.

The IRA were not and are not puppies. How interesting that you minimise the bloodshed of a group you maybe feel an affinity with.
Wow just wow. If you knew anything you would know that the Catholic people in NI suffered the most at the hands of the IRA.
please no one report her comment. It shows exactly what she is
my point about puppies was in comparison to Isis, Hamas, etc.

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:55

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:49

The IRA were not and are not puppies. How interesting that you minimise the bloodshed of a group you maybe feel an affinity with.
Wow just wow. If you knew anything you would know that the Catholic people in NI suffered the most at the hands of the IRA.
please no one report her comment. It shows exactly what she is
my point about puppies was in comparison to Isis, Hamas, etc.

Edited

Not sure what you think there is to report - it was you that described them as puppies, like it’s all a joke. You’ve no idea who else in the thread suffered from their actions and yet here you are minimising it and championing mobs of men marching the streets. I wonder how many of your community feel unsafe as a result of those actions.

You edited so I’ll respond to your edit. I’m sure the people terrorised by the IRA aren’t relieved because ‘at least it wasn’t Muslims’. Absolutely disgusting. 🤮

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:57

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:48

How are men patrolling the streets ‘creating awareness’ of anything other than that they have a lot of free time on their hands? This is just mob behaviour and you’re justifying it. How many of those men have never laid a hand on a woman or child?

Most if not all, they’re not thugs. Newcastle Saggart and Rathcoole in Dublin are actually very nice areas, sorry in the past, until they replaced the convention centre, ballroom, hotel 764 rooms into an international protection centre.

Nuthatch26 · 22/08/2026 14:00

WatermelonSalad1 · 22/08/2026 13:44

I'm so glad the thread police have arrived
Is there a list of poster countries that can't comment on this issue? Or any other issue? I must've not got the guide when I registered.

Me neither. Apparently Irish posters are insulted and laughed at for having an opinion.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 14:00

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:55

Not sure what you think there is to report - it was you that described them as puppies, like it’s all a joke. You’ve no idea who else in the thread suffered from their actions and yet here you are minimising it and championing mobs of men marching the streets. I wonder how many of your community feel unsafe as a result of those actions.

You edited so I’ll respond to your edit. I’m sure the people terrorised by the IRA aren’t relieved because ‘at least it wasn’t Muslims’. Absolutely disgusting. 🤮

Edited

I have listed to areas , search them up, the vandalism of the grave yard, parks overtaken, young girls being followed home, 10 year old sexual assaulted in the grounds of the hotel. I mean you’d be looking at anywhere between 400 thousand to over a million for a home in this area. It’s not a thug town. Sorry to disappoint you.

LuckyHazelFox · 22/08/2026 14:02

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 12:59

Of course it is, who said otherwise? What are you doing to protect women and girls in your area/family/networks?

What am I doing? Staying living in the real world and keeping me and mine safe from any threats, domestic or foreign.

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 14:04

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 13:57

Most if not all, they’re not thugs. Newcastle Saggart and Rathcoole in Dublin are actually very nice areas, sorry in the past, until they replaced the convention centre, ballroom, hotel 764 rooms into an international protection centre.

Yeah, seem like nice lads your friends.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c629zg8v8jpo

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg53dqjv231o

Police van on fire with a person standing in front of it

Arrests after violent protest outside Dublin migrant hotel

Police officers were attacked with missiles and fireworks after violence flared outside a hotel used to house asylum seekers.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c629zg8v8jpo

Nuthatch26 · 22/08/2026 14:04

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 13:45

Always the same, anyone with a different view is ‘insulated’ (I assume you mean sheltered, protected?)

I’m not sure I’m following your logic - England had to experience terrorist atfacks, Irish people hated the English, therefore we should learn from that and never let ‘foreigners’ in to either country?

The IRA were not and are not puppies. How interesting that you minimise the bloodshed of a group you maybe feel an affinity with.

Wow. Perhaps a period of self reflection is in order to work on your own tolerance of different opinions.

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 14:06

Nuthatch26 · 22/08/2026 14:00

Me neither. Apparently Irish posters are insulted and laughed at for having an opinion.

Nice try, but I didn’t laugh at her, I said I found her position hypocritical.

And her opinion is that mobs of men marching around is somehow making people feel safe. Would him feel safe if men were patrolling around your town, the areas your kids play and hang out? I definitely wouldn’t. Making things worse is nothing to be proud of.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 14:09

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 14:04

They are not the group that patrol the area. They are thugs that came from all over Ireland after a 10 year old was sexually assaulted on the grounds of the hotel.
Sadly the child was in state care and magically made it from the city centre to citywest 12 miles without anyone seeing her travel.
Her care giver foster carer can’t remember how she got there. There is a huge trafficking ring in Ireland. Brown and black girls being moved across the country for sex.
I don’t agree with mob behaviour.
Btw that’s twice you have affiliated me with gangs, firstly the IRA now assuming these are my pals.
There is 100’s of photos of peaceful law abiding protesters.

Nuthatch26 · 22/08/2026 14:09

Switchnow · 22/08/2026 14:06

Nice try, but I didn’t laugh at her, I said I found her position hypocritical.

And her opinion is that mobs of men marching around is somehow making people feel safe. Would him feel safe if men were patrolling around your town, the areas your kids play and hang out? I definitely wouldn’t. Making things worse is nothing to be proud of.

You posted a laughing emoji.

Letsbe · 22/08/2026 14:11

Peedoffdoesntcutit · 21/08/2026 20:07

Happily say I’m culturist- we have a safe culture for women and women are seen as equal. Women here are respected.

He wouldn’t think I’m racist as we are black and are legal immigrants who work hard and are high paying tax payers.

Wish someone had told Fred West.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/08/2026 14:12

I will be ignoring you from here. @Switchnow

Limehawkmoth · 22/08/2026 14:17

Peedoffdoesntcutit · 21/08/2026 20:05

I feel so cross about it. I have no problem with safe legal migration- but that isn’t what’s happening. I feel our government are not protecting us women who live here and it’s scaring me. And for a man to not get it. When I grew up we could go to night clubs, walk round parks on our own etc now I wouldn’t dare where we live. We’ve had so many incidents reported here. I’m just cross I think and sad.

Er no…I grew up in 1970/80 and no woman or young girl walked around on her own in dodgy places like parks or anywhere after dark
level of “stranger” attacks on women is relatively unchanged. In fact all statistics, inc ONS show that rates in that era were higher than now, and peaked during early 1990s, dropping since then . It is reporting and social media reports , that’s increased. Especially reports wanting to drum up the myth that women are massively more unsafe today because of all these “immigrant” men

Yes, rape generally (not just stranger) reporting statistics have increased, but believe you me no women wanted to go to police and report rape in 1980s or before…no female dedicated teams, no rape specialist, no understanding of abuse cycles, and one shit full of misogynistic re traumatising male bullies. think it’s bad now? It was hell then. Police have done a lot to improve. A lot of that increase in rape is from known men/partners/ex partners, including husbands, marital rape wasn’t even made illegal until 1990s. Remember that.

another reminder, it is not men from certain ethnic group that has low standards of consent or violence. Or senses of sexual entitlement. It is all men potentially
and always has been. Heres my reasoning on that one:

in my day it was Yorkshire ripper- attack in my town. White .

in my day I regularly had my bottom pinched by a man my parents trusted to give me and my brothers lifts. My brothers knew and laughed. I didn’t realise it was abuse until 30 years later. I was 8/9 . White male

in my day I got white van men learning out windows making comments re size of my “tits”. I was in my school uniform aged 11. White men

in my day I sat on bus when random man wanked off next to me. I was 16. school uniform . White male.

And every bloody man that has sexual harnessed or abused me in 63 of my life has been white. And yes I’ve lived in ethicnically diverse cities, especially when younger.

there are roughly 72000 men on seX register. Those are just ones that made it to trial, and found guilty. 80% of those are white. Btw just seen 729 of those have recently gone “missing” apparently.

The NCA believes that somewhere between 0.5 and 1.8 MILLION men in uk are looking at illegal child abuse pornography on line. Most will never be found or charged.

over 200,000 men were charged with sexual abuse last year. In one year. But that’s “only” a marginal upward trend becuase of more types of abuse becoming illegal . It’s estimated 80% ish of those are white males. Which oddly is in excesss of the % of white males in overall male Population of uk. Which is a bit odd isn’t it, if your reasoning is correct. Seems like white men are over represented.

i am hoping your husband sees that bigger picture, that men generally are the issue: it aint restricted to one culture, one religion, one moral code, or one skin colour. If he doesn’t, yep, be angry, but that is more about his failure to accept the issue is men universally - and still holds to the “not all men” to opt out of any responsibility

my solution to your dilemma around women’s safety from stranger abuse, is a curfew on men. That’d work. But all men- not just the ethnically diverse ones. 🤷‍♀️ but it’s easier to tell and expect women to self curfew as you are doing. And we all mostly have during our lives. That appears to have always been perfectly acceptable and encouraged, by our parents, by our teachers, by the police and by society.

Minasama · 22/08/2026 14:17

Bogliasco · 21/08/2026 20:08

There's plenty of White British men raping women so perhaps this leaflet could be posted to all UK men to remind them not to rape because lord knows they need it.

Yes but proportionally there are more Indian’s, Afghans etc convicted of rape.

The reason many people regard this as a problem is that they weren’t here originally, they are people we have invited into our country who are making it less safe.

No one is suggesting there is not a problem among white British men but we don’t have the option of not inviting them to live here or sending them home.

Limehawkmoth · 22/08/2026 14:20

Minasama · 22/08/2026 14:17

Yes but proportionally there are more Indian’s, Afghans etc convicted of rape.

The reason many people regard this as a problem is that they weren’t here originally, they are people we have invited into our country who are making it less safe.

No one is suggesting there is not a problem among white British men but we don’t have the option of not inviting them to live here or sending them home.

Citation of statistics for this needed,

ginasevern · 22/08/2026 14:25

@fumingrightnow1 "Black people can be racist too"

Or maybe, just maybe, black and brown British women have every right to be as concerned as white women about tens of thousands of undocumented men pouring into the country. Most of them from cultures with appalling attitudes towards women and zero women's rights.

Nuthatch26 · 22/08/2026 14:31

An internal study by the German federal law enforcement agency, leaked to a Zurich newspaper, revealed that asylum-seekers have committed some 7,000 sexual assaults (ranging from groping to gang-rape ) between 2015 and 2023. Although they make up only 2.5 per cent of the population, asylum-seekers made up 13.1 per cent of all sexual-assault suspects in 2021.
In 2023, there were 761 gang-rapes registered in Germany — almost two per day; 47.5 per cent of the suspects were foreigners. The frequency of such crimes — which were rare in Germany as late as the 1990s — has hovered between 600 and 800 per year for the past 7 years.

http://archive.today/QqLJo