To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

[Lighterthansprite]

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

My husband doesn’t ‘allow’ me to do anything. We discuss commitments and agree nights out etc. Your husband sounds controlling.

What do you do when he says no. ?
I’d be asking him what the hell he was talking about?
Please go on both nights and make a solicitor’s appointment when you get back.

You don’t need his permission. Do you stop him going out?
I tell DH I’ll be away to ensure he isn’t going to be away at the same time. I’ve also had numerous work trips away where he’s been at home with both babies.

I expect you are happier with them, since he's a total cunt.

Why husband when ex-husband shaped?

Honestly, this is not normal at all.

One of those. Is this how you want to live your life OP?

Yes…

He might be a bit annoyed as I’d be a bit annoyed at him being away two weekends on the bounce as it’s our usual time together, but as one (two) off we’d both be okay with it (a tiny bit begrudgingly).

I’d just tell him in advance I was going to be away, just as he told me when he was going away.Allowed does not come into it. He didn’t own me, though sometimes he seemed to think he did, but nights away..just gave him more freedom to be with one of his other women

No, my husband wouldn't have allowed that.

And that is why I got divorced.

OP how come your husband is ‘allowed’ to go on his boys trips but you aren’t comfortable seeing your friends as much? What does he say if you mention that he goes away too much etc?

it’s not like you are away every weekend, it’s 2 coincidental weekends that have come up out of the blue. Just go for it; your kids can cope, they are old enough.

I bet this is the tip of the iceberg of controlling behaviour on his part?

And I bet you hate feeling like you have to spend all your spare time with him? He sounds abusive to be honest.

I wouldn't be surprised if were happier with your friends!

So you should want to spend all your free time with him, but he gets to go away for Stags etc when he wants?
Why doesn't he want to spend all his free time with you, then?
This is not equal - this is controlling. He is controlling you by making it so unpleasant for you with his sulking that you don't want to go anywhere.
It's no way to live - stand up to him. Tell him you don't care if he sulks. Calmly tell him you are going on a the spa break, just as he went to X's stag weekend whenever.

Allow?? Honey give your head a shake. Your Dh is controlling at the very least

My ex husband used to sulk about me going out and it got to the point that I didn't even go out any more after a while because I couldn't stand the moodiness and guilt tripping. It happened slowly over a long time that he got worse with controlling me. I put up with it for years because of the kids mostly, but things got worse and I couldn't even be friends with certain people because he didn't like them. Eventually, I asked us to separate and we're now divorced. It's not how a marriage should be 😪

I would wonder what he gets up to on his nights away with his pals and on the stag dos. Sounds as though he is worried you might behave in a similar way he does when he is away from home.

It's a very unequal relationship OP if he gets the freedom to go away and he thinks he has the authority to stop you.

I don't even ask, if there are no plans on the calendar then I decide what I'll do. I go on holiday alone etc we don't have kids but if we did, I'd expect to be able to have nights away still

But he doesn’t think he should spend all HIS free time with you?

With kids at 12 and 18, start making plans to leave.

this. Your relationship isn't healthy, OP.

Well no bloody wonder. Who'd want to spend time with a man thinks he's so wonderful you'd never want to be anywhere else but in his magnificent company?

As for asking permission to be allowed out...

I'd just run tbh. You deserve so much better than this.

What sort of things do you do together when you spend time together?

I will also take a wild guess that you’re the one who does all the cooking, the cleaning, children’s needs? That’s more than likely why he wouldn’t allow you to be away

he sounds incredibly insecure if he doesn’t even like hearing you laughing with your friends, this is absolutely not normal behaviour and really quite concerning. How is he with your children?!

Yep, I 'd say there's a good reason for that! What does he say when you tell him that you don't like him going on stag/golf weekends because he should want to spend all his time with you and you don't like the thought of him having fun with his mates? In your place I'd arrange a fun outing with my friends every weekend - let's face it - it's the only way you'll get any peace from this miserable and controlling man.

You need to pull your big girl pants on Op and tell him he's right, your friends make you happier than he does, because they don't control your every move. Why doesn't he spend all his time with you then? It's been many centuries since cave men roamed the earth Op

So he can go away but you can't? WTF op?

Good god, OP, he doesn't like to hear you even laughing? Are you happy with him? It sounds like you're walking on eggshells. No partner of mine would even get a say as to whether I went away or not. A discussion and opportunity to raise any concerns or clashes, yes, but permission? No. You yourself said it - you hardly ever go away. Two weekends to yourself is not a lot to ask. Just go.

So what if he says no? You'd still go right? He's your husband not your jailer. Hell would freeze over before i married a man who expected to control my movements.

Did he ask your 'permission' before he went away?