To ask if you’d be allowed to do this?

[Lighterthansprite]

I rarely ever have a night away - just for context. The last one was about 2 years ago and I can’t remember the time before that. DH has never liked it much (he has had nights away, including several nights abroad with friends for stags / birthdays etc)

Unfortunately it has happened that I have an agreed night away coming up shortly, which has been planned for ages to see a concert, but another close friend has now asked me if I am able to go with her for a spa night the weekend before as the person she originally planned to go with can’t make it.

So I’d be away two weekends - one after the other. I haven’t even asked yet… I don’t know if it’s unreasonable to do so? Two children - nearly 18 and 12.

Would your DH / partner allow you to go?

This!

You are not a child OP. Neither is he your parent! Do as you please, you don’t need permission..

Then he should be trying to make you happier with him, not making you more miserable overall.

OP I thought you were going to say your children were toddlers!! They're practically grown. Go on both weekends and really think about how you want your life to look 5/10/20 years down the line.

Aww daddy don’t like it

As an adult id tell you what im doing and where im going but i dont need permission to do so.

ALLOWED !!!! Is this for real ?
your a bloody grown woman , who in the right minds ask if there allowed to go some place overnight.
you havnt got young kids or a baby , not tgat that matters , dads should be perfectly capable of looking after their children unless baby is breastfeed.

yours are 12 & 18 yrs old 🤣
you just say , I’m away next weekend and the following week.

I would be telling my DH I was going not asking him. He’s not the boss of me. There wouldn’t be a question of me asking him if I was “allowed” to do anything.

I put you’re unreasonable to ask if you’re allowed to go? I hope you’re okay, sounds like a very difficult situation if you’ve to ask permission to go places.

He is controlling and emotionally abusive.

You shouldn’t have to ask his permission. He’s your husband not your parent. He obviously has no issue going away without you. Unless the kids have special needs then they will pretty much look after themselves. Your husband sounds a bit needy. Weird to say that about you. Don’t keep turning down your friends because of your husband. Eventually they will stop inviting you to anything.

I wouldn't plan to be away two weekends in a row.
And I'd probably say do you mind if I go...

But I also know he's not going to say no, the asking is more a polite way of opening up the conversation.

I have way more nights and days out than he does but he has at least one long weekend with pals a year.

You did not just ask if other grown women need permission?!

Just go and start doing things. You are an adult and you don't need permission. one child is an adult and the other is a teenager.
So what if he's sulks. just ignore him

I have said you are being unreasonable as you don't need his permission. He can't tell you no and forbid it. It sounds like he is very controlling. Your kids are old enough he will be hands off.

What will your life look like when you retire? Trapped at home all day with only him to speak to?

Allowed? I'd like to see anyone try to stop me!

Allow?! That’s a very strong word. Personally my husband wouldn’t ever tell me I wasn’t “allowed” to do something. The idea makes me laugh actually. He doesn’t own me. I find this concerning for your behalf. Does he often tell you what you are “allowed” to do?

Just re-read this. The kids are 17 and 12? This is entirely nuts. Stop letting this man control you! What the fuck.

Asked? Allowed? You're an adult, you don't need permission to make a social arrangement.

If your children were younger, it's reasonable to discuss your plans and talk about a few logistics maybe, but they're not, so you don't.

There is very obviously a power imbalance in your relationship and the very idea of being 'allowed' to do something is chilling. Please share more, OP. There are many compassionate and wise voices on here that might be able to help.

He’s a controlling arsehole.

Book your two nights away.

Let him sulk.

Allow???
He gets his time away. You haven’t got young children.
You don’t ask. You just tell him

What the fuck, of course I would go.

Allow? What? If I'm going to be away I tell my husband I'll be away this night and he works around it.

What the bloody hell do you mean ASK!!! You know your a grown adult right? If you want 3 weekends away then thats whats your doing. This is crazy, a grown woman asking to have her own space to hang out with friends and do something for herself. You dont ask your partner for permission , thats for children, you politely tell them your plans and move on.