To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

"you shouldn't have had children" - wow. It's completely reasonable to have a vegetarian household, in the same way that it's reasonable to have a Christian household. It's really sad that people talk about eating meat as some sort of human right that overrides vegetarian beliefs (I am not a vegetarian, but it's obviously better for the planet etc. and this attitude towards meat eating is so depressing).

I'm a 'lifelong vegetarian' and think you are being unreasonable.
I understand that you don't want meat in the house but you can't always have things exactly as you want them, you need to be considerate of other people too. It is also your children's home.
They should definitely clean up after themselves though!

It's absolutely unacceptable that they left meaty detritus in your kitchen. Yanbu to be upset about that.

Prior to this incident, when was the last time that you had an engaged conversation with the teens where you talked about the no-meat-in-the-house rule and they engaged with it in a way to prove it was understood (ie not just "yes mum/no mum" that teens can do on autopilot and have no idea what you said 5 minutes later). It may have been a firm line in your head but if the teens last actually heard you talk about it 3 years ago they will have forgotten it.

I don't think it's a particularly reasonable rule tbh. We have a mixed veggie/meateater house and we keep a separate section of fridge and freezer for meat, and don't chop meat on wooden boards. Vegetarians do not have to touch anything dirty that has been used to package or prepare meat. That's it. Having meat in the house doesn't polute the ethical purity of a vegetarian and does no harm. Meat eating is not contagious, and this rule seems to be designed to shame your children for making their own choice.

So if they want to eat meat where are they supposed to prepare and cook it? You sound very controlling to not allow your children to prepare food in their own home

YANBU to be annoyed that they did not clean up properly.

YABU not to allow them to eat meat in their own home.

And I am a lifelong vegetarian. I share my home with meat eaters. It is not for me to dictate what other people eat in our shared home.

Spot the carnivores.

OP has every right not to want meat in her home. ‘It’s their home too’ doesn’t apply when this is a lifelong house rule. I’d be furious too.

You are determined you are right so I don’t know why you posted.

(Not a comparable example, but I’ll humour you.) No, not if she provided another source of water. She’s not depriving her children of any of the nutrients they need. She’s not even preventing them from eating meat.

You don’t also live in their house. It is also the children’s home and sanctuary, not just OPs.

I have been a veggie in the past, though not now, so I understand your views on meat, OP. I think the issues are

1. they've broken the rules
2. they've not cleaned up The first, appears to be without any discussion with you and the second is concerning, as you need to be very particular with food hygiene around meat ie using separate chopping boards, cooking properly etc. I appreciate they might not feel they can discuss it with you, as you feel so strongly, but they have broken your rules.

I'm a vegetarian and I don't think like that.

I buy high welfare meat and cook it for my kids. I believe it is their choice and their home to decide if they want to eat a certain food, and whilst I have explained why I am vegetarian, and my reasoning, I accept that my kids don't feel the same way.

I get not wanting to cook it. I don't believe in banning it from the house completely, especially if op isn't even there when it is being cooked.

No, I don’t.

@Meetmeinlove I was in two minds about this as I totally get your vegetarianism, but then I also think that children, when they are old enough to decide, have a right to make their own choices and as its their home too, as long as they do not rub it in your face, they should be able to eat meat discreetly on occasion and we always hope that they learn to cook in their family home. So I can see both sides here.

Nonetheless, your house rule is long‑standing, clear, and based on your values, you’re not stopping them eating meat, just asking that it isn’t cooked in your kitchen. That’s not unreasonable but its their home too.

At 14 and 18, they’re not toddlers. They live there, they eat there, they use the kitchen daily, and they’re developing independence. Wanting to cook their own food, including meat, is normal teenage behaviour and they are not guests, they are residents in their home.

I have thought about this from both perspectives and came out with this.

This boundary isn’t random, it’s identity‑level for you, its not, "I don't like the smell "or "I would rather you didn't". Its a lifelong ethical stance, a disgust response, a core part of your identity and a consistent rule you have presumably set from their birth? That said, teenagers often act first and think later and all test the boundaries at some point. I doubt it was malicious, more convenience and thoughtlessness. I’d frame it as: “You know the rule, you know why it matters to me, and you need to respect it. If you want to cook meat, that’s fine but not in this kitchen and always tidy up after yourselves.”

At 14 and 18 they’re old enough to respect rules, and definitely old enough to clean up properly. Using your chopping board and leaving raw meat remnants around is grim regardless of anyone’s dietary choices. For me, and the reason I have come down on your side, is because of the disrespect, both for the mess they left and the assault on your ethics and not the meat itself.

You’re not unreasonable to be upset, but a firm reset of the boundary should sort it for now, although I suspect its probably not the first time they have done it and won't be the last.

Where's the line tho?

It's their home so if they want to paint the living room black they can do? Invite 30 friends over a Monday night for a party? Invite random partners over to stay and have sex on the sofa? Take over ops bedroom and vote she gets the box room?

Have you ever visited a slaughterhouse?

Where did they get the money from to buy the meat, it's disrespectful to not clear up, I'd askmthem to buy a new chopping board, bleach the surfaces, was it stored in the fridge.

except that DN never had a choice

But it’s part of their lives and it’s their house? With the exception of the first 11 years of my life I’ve been vegetarian forever, now 47, and you’re giving us a very bad name being this controlling.

But you’re forcing them to eat shit meat outside the home - grabbing a burger or a KFC. What if they want a healthy chicken stirfry, or a pork chop or a nice rare steak? There would literally be no option for your 14yr old to have these things as I doubt he spends his pocket money at nice restaurants. You’re being incredibly unreasonable and sound borderline obsessive.

Get a separate chopping board. A Tupperware fridge box to to store the meat. And leave them alone.

I've seen some toxic batshit posts on here, but this one must be in line for some kind of special award.

Children can't get mortgages and are not eligible for council tax FFS. The parents' house is the child's home.

They don't have to pay to live it and - unless you are a toxic as fuck parent - they are entitled to do normal things (like eat the food they want) and treat the house as home.

I assume you have never been on mumsnet before.

What generally happens is someone posts something and then there is a discussion where people debate both sides. Often the OP stands their ground.

It’s generally how it works!!

It's not that people don't understand why it's an issue for you, it's just that your way of dealing with this being an issue for you is wrong. You don't seem to be able to understand that part, hence you keep saying you're not being controlling, my house my rules etc when actually those things precisely sum up your behaviour.

You're not going to be able to unilaterally dictate what they eat in their own home. It's not only unreasonable but impractical. Better to set some compromise ground rules and get them their own utensils. I completely get why you're upset now, they shouldn't actually be leaving food mess for you to clean in any circumstances. It would be disrespectful even if it were chickpeas. However you need a way through it that isn't I'm a veggie I don't want meat in my home so that should be the end of the matter.

So if you dont eat meat but they do who gives/gave them meat to try outside of the house ? And who bought the meat for them to cook ? Your children sound disrespectful if they purposely went out and bought meat to do this.