To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

for me (non veggie) it would come into the same broad area as smoking. If I say no smoking in my house, then my requirement is absolute.

The home is their sanctuary too. A chef’s cycle on the dishwasher will deal with the ‘pollution’. Kids will need to be shown how to clean the oven too.

YABU. I've been veggie since I was 12. None of my adult kids are or ever have been. My fridge often looks like an abertoir. It disgusts me if I'm honest, but I wouldn't dream of banning it. They're as entitled to eat dead things as I am not to. I also have cats and you can't really feed them broccoli.

Same.

Everyone who says you are being unreasonable is a meat eater, guaranteed. If we were talking about any other ethical choice (e.g. "I don't want my daughter's boyfriend sleeping here overnight"), you would be told "your house, your rules." You aren't trying impose your rules beyond your household - as you said, they eat whatever they like outside of the home. You're not being unreasonable - yours is a vegetarian home and that is a perfectly acceptable household rule. Leaving the remnants behind is very disrespectful so at the very least, make them wash it up.

So, if OP believed there was something unethical about the way tap water was treated, would it be reasonable for her to prevent her children from drinking it?

It's their home too.

I do understand your feelings, but ultimately I think YABU to say they can’t cook what they want in their home.

Perhaps separate utensils, pans or even sections of the fridge would help. They should absolutely respect your feelings and clear up properly though.

But your children don’t want to eat a whole food vegetarian diet! Your house yes but their home. Again, you shouldn’t have had children if you’re not able to tolerate them having different reasonable believes to you. Animals clearly are more important to you than your DC. Selfish and controlling.

I’m really surprised at how many people think YABU.

Back when everyone smoked, I’m talking when it was allowed on busses, hospitals, restaurants, everywhere, so much that you couldn’t smell cigarettes because they WERE the air, my nanny didn’t want smoking in her home. She didn’t have to give a reason, it was her home, her rules. I assume with a massive family, she didn’t want to be hoovering up ash all the time but it could have been any reason. We smoked in the garden, didn’t matter if it was snowing or stormy. I’d never have dreamed of sparking up in her house. We thought she was mildly eccentric, smoking wasn’t considered a massive health issue at the time. Of my uncles and one auntie still living in her house, they would have never. If you can’t set reasonable rules in your own house, then where can you?

YANBU OP. Does your DH eat meat?

I'm a Hindu and I know parents who both are vegetarian and thus raise the kids as vegetarian. I know a family where one parent is vegetarian, the other is non veg and the rule is meat can't be eaten at home. Only outside the house. Perfectly fine and sensible.

It’s not just your house though. It’s their house too. Maybe they want to eat meat in their house.

Not cleaning up isn’t on but stopping them eating meat in their own home isn’t on either. And neither of them share your views.

Children have to follow the house rules. That's how life is.

I wonder if not clearing up was an unsubtle way of showing you that they are rebelling against your regime being imposed on them? Time to open up discussion of the issues.

They should have the opportunity, at their age, to discover how to cook whatever they want to eat.

This is my thinking op.

The wooden chopping board thing isn’t something I was taught by anyone tbh and it probably wouldn’t have occured me at that age.

They should have cleaned up after themselves regardless of what chopping board they used though.

I would be pleased that my kids are learning to cook and doing things for themselves. And YABU to not allow them to eat meat in your house. It’s their home too.

Smoking is quite different because of passive smoking. OP isn't passively consuming meat.

I love a burger as much as the next person (more, probably) but this is absolutely outrageous. Your children KNOW that there's no meat in the house, they've known this their whole life. They knew it and will have thought it while they were cooking and eating it, because it's something they've never done before. They CHOSE to flout the rules, deliberately. That's not ok, at 14 and 18yo. They're trying to asset power they don't have.

To me this is no different from smoking in someone's house. The lingering smells in the fabrics, the sense of contamination, the blatant disrespect - not cool AT ALL.

ETA just seen other posters have made the smoking analogy. I used to think it was a batshit analogy before I acquired a SIL whose been a lifelong vegan. She's been very articulate about why she has the rules she has, is fully respectful of everyone's right to make choices for herself and clear that her choices apply in her house. There's no argument. "Contamination" is her word and I totally get why she uses it.

It's your choice to be vegetarian. It's your childrens' choice to be meat eaters. You all live in the family home. Why do your preferences top trump theirs? It's their house too. Sorry but YABU.

BUT THEY EAT MEAT.

I am not being selfish and controlling - I just don’t want it in my fucking house.

As other poeple have said, if it was smoking or vaping or drugs or alcohol or having boyfriends over or whatever, it would be all ‘your house your rules’

But because it’s about meat eating, somehow that’s different

Smoking is not at all comparable.

There are some weird meat eaters on here.
I've always eaten meat but my db , dsil and dn never have.
AFAIK meat has never been in their house, I respect that.
Their home, their rules.

I was assuming they were adult kids but at that age I think you're being unreasonable and have been throughout their lives in this aspect.
Sorry but meat is the default in this society and you have witheld it from your kids because you don't like it; that's selfish and controlling
Never mind whether they can get enough nutrients from veggie stuff- that's not the point.
You don't like meat- tough shit- you chose to have kids- they should have had options in their own home.

They can eat it outside the house.