To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

Anyone else now wondering, 16 pages in, if this is just rage bait? 🤔
OP goes a few rounds and then...

I expect most of you have rules in your homes that relate to personal preferences that you expect your children to abide by, it's no different here.

I'm not a vegetarian, but there's nothing 'natural' about the way animals are farmed and slaughtered in the modern world. It's fine to eat meat, but don't convince yourself that you're not different form man hunting and eating animals for their own consumption..

Did you actually read this paper? It's about the role of genetics in why people choose vegetarian diet and subsist on it, not health effects. At no point vegetarians with the "wrong" set of genes had negative health effects from not eating meat. And again, lipids are fats not proteins, you confused the two.

Heritability was 1.5% so genetics play a very small role. The paper also says "These results support a role for genetics in choosing a vegetarian diet and open the door to future studies aimed at further elucidating the physiologic pathways" which is researchers admitting that it's just speculation and further research is required to explore this finding.

Eating MEAT, not eating food🙂

But your haven't really given them a real choice because they can't have it at home and I expect their opportunities to cook it outside the home are very limited.
If they were allowed to do it openly they could use different utensils etc and there wouldn't be a problem about them using your chopping boards etc

YABVU! You may own the property but it is their home and you are basically telling them your desires overrule theirs and it is more your home than theirs. At times that may be needed to keep them safe but quite frankly I think you are mad about this.
From a vegetarian of 21 years (since I was 12) who allows meat in our home and cooks chicken for the children

I honestly can't think of any rules that we had when my children were living at home that were comparable to this.

In support of the OP, there are 1.5bn vegetarians worldwide, over 20% of the global population. Around 400m are in India. And Novak Djokovic, one of the most successful sportsmen of all time, is vegan. So I don think it’s fair to attack the principle of being veggie or vegan as being weird, unhealthy or abusive.

Is anyone suggesting that there is? Meat is a natural source of nutrition. Humans are clearly well adapted to it, so eating it is perfectly natural. We don't hunt and kill animals for our own consumption because, generally speaking, society is no longer set up to make that practical, or even legal.

“I don’t know why my children never visit with my grandchildren” This is definitely a future MN post for you.

So, any time they decide they have no desire to eat your vegan meal and decide they need meat, you give them money to go to a restaurant so they can have a pork chop, chicken wings, steak, a meatball sub? I would think that could get expensive.
If you do not, than you are not being fair to them, at all. YOU may think it's a wide and varied diet but maybe they do not.

Speaking personally, it is absolutely not the OP’s vegetarianism that I think is unhealthy. It sounds like she actually has a phobia, that she is transferring responsibility for onto her children. There is no reason I can see that she couldn’t compromise with her DC, and doing so might make them more likely to choose vegetarianism for themselves. But she’s not really interested in this, it seems. She is allowing them to eat meat - as long as it’s away from her. It’s the meat being near her that she can’t stand. This has lead to (imo) controlling behaviour and unhealthy dynamics in the home.

edit: that was meant to quote @Hellohelga

Have they?
I don't think it's that that's unhealthy. It's the controlling what the DC eat that is being criticised.

You must have missed it, because yes, lots of people have taken this as an opportunity to criticise vegetarianism.

They have absolutely no need to eat meat, however, in the same way as they have no need to vape or smoke - would it be ok if they did that against the wishes of the OP in her house?

I am a veggie. My four children were bought up veggie but if they ate meat out that was their choice. They didn’t dream of bringing meat into the house. They all loved cooking and created some wonderful food. You must feel very hurt. Maybe ask them how they would feel if you trashed something they deeply believed in.

if I didn’t want shoes worn indoors, if I didn’t want morning tv on, if I didn’t want pets in the house, if I didn’t want……but after all it’s there home ! Come on all you ‘kids home ‘ people.

OP, I don't think YABU.

Your children were well aware of this rule and if they have a problem with it, instead of discussing it rationally, they broke it even though they were well aware that doing so would cause you upset. This shows a total lack of both empathy and respect and I understand why you are upset about it. If I were you I'd be disappointed and furious. Leaving the evidence for you to find just makes the callous disregard for your feelings even worse. Vegetarianism is a tenent of your core belief system and your children know that yet flippantly disregarded it. I'm not sure where you go from here though. Have they promised not to do this again?

I'm unsurprised at the level of pile on you've had though. Many people, seem to regard vegetarianism and veganism as some sort of disturbed cult like behaviour. After moving to the countryside where my house is in the middle of farmland I now eat very little meat at all and then only chicken. I found myself unable in conscience to eat any sort of beef in particular, having watched the cattle go about their day to day lives. It just seemed wrong.

I hope you are able to resolve things with your kids going forward.

😂 no idea where this sportsman comment came from but I love how your mind works

Its not disingenuous. You know disingenuous means dishonest or not sincere right? How exactly is it insincere to say OP said her kids can eat meat - she did say that.

1. I didnt say they can eat meat elsewhere everyday, or all the time. I mean at that level of pedantic we're all restricted because we cant access meat while we're working or sleeping or swimming. Its again like alcohol or chocolate, I am an adult can have unrestricted access to alcohol but not all the time i.e. I can drink wine at home til im sick if i want, but not at work. Work doesnt stop me drinking but I cant drink there. Many parents don't restrict their children from having chocolate but dont allow it before dinner.

1. Im not clear how you reach the conclusion that the summer holidays and not knowing how often OP eats out with her children means they must be eating McDs or being restricted... in no particular order; they might eat out once, twice, however many times a week we dont know, the 18 year old may work and eat meat at work, the children might prefer KFC or burger king, their might be a cheap pizza place the kids spend their money on, or a nearby carvery, they might go to friends for families houses for BBQs, fish and chips, sunday dinner etc

1. Why does your opinion vegetarianism amd McDs are bad, the kids should be allowed meat from a special fridge at home instead of McDs anymore valid than OPs view meat isnt good (for whatever reason), the kids arent allowed it in my home? Baring in mind both opinions impact her comfort in her home but make no difference to your home?

We both know OP is not enforcing her children to be exclusively vegetarian, but home cooked meals are vegetarian. Which is access to perfectly healthy food for them.

Neither of us know how often they eat out, whether wider family supply meat based meals, whether school or work does, whether DC1 works and buys whatever they like, whether these kids even like McDs. Or even if theyre arsed about "healthy meat" or just want burgers and bacon sarnies. And therefore whether they face periods of restriction or not, but if they do sometimes thems the rules

I just feel the level of grief OP is getting for saying its dont want anyone storing, preparing or cooking meat in my house is insane. Its her house. And she isnt pressurising her kids to feel the same way she does about meat, isnt preaching even to us about why she doesn't want to touch it, shes just saying not in my home but letting them decide for themselves. She isnt restricting them except where it impacts her comfort.

She doesnt have to facilitate their preferences in her home if she doesnt want to

And i am saying this as someone who likes to eat meat, and the occasional McDs

Of course they should be able to eat meat in their own home. How do you not know that it’s not okay for you to say differently? Buy them their own chopping board, ask them to crack a window and clean up effectively but they absolutely should be able to eat it in the house.

Ok let’s try kicking footballs indoors, waving bats, clubs etc around, walking through the house with dirty feet, going through the medicine cabinet without checking with an adult, make up in certain areas, strong coloured squash in the living room with the new carpet etc etc

Those are all dangerous or cause damage. Can't compare.

Ok, my 67 year old DH is a lifelong vegetarian (well from the age of 4, when he discovered what meat was). He says you are being a dick.

We also have a son who has been vegan for 10 years. Another DS and a DD do eat meat.
Somehow we all get on.
Have you ever thought they aren't respecting you because you are disrespecting them?. Where are they supposed to cook meat? Have you set up an outdoor kitchen so that they can grill a sausage out there? Or made any concessions for them at all?
You sound quite bombastic to me and your first few answers show you are willing to fight anyone who disagrees with you.
What is more important to you, your vegetarian stance or your relationship with your kids?

You're also equals as partners. Quite different

We'll have to agree to disagree. It's their home too.

Have I missed something?!