To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

Are we sure this is the first time they've done it? Maybe they've just been better at clearing up previously.

You've provided an article from a highly biased pro meat industry journal.
Interesting choice. 🤔

Are you the MEAT LOBBY? 🕵️

Humans today have evolved significantly and have a limitless array of foods to choose from (not talking about specific economic of geographic limitations) to survive.

I'm not anti-meat, btw. 😂
I do eat it. 😱

My post was about efficiency in protein bioavailability whey v meat and ease of preparation. Whey wins.
I was challenging the statement: that meat and fish are better, that's just a fact. 🙄
(Something like that)
It's not.
That's all. 💁‍♀️

Or it doesn't occur to them to eat it.
I have three packages of ground bison and a duck in my freezer I keep forgetting about. 🤷‍♀️

The thing is meat isnt a human right. If this was alcohol or chocolate no-one would argue.

OP isnt forcing her vegetarianism on her children, or guilting them about eating meat, or refusing to eat in homes or restaurants that serve meat, she just doesnt want it in her home. And let's be honest, if its in her home it is impacting her because she was left it to clean up.

They dont need to eat meat but they wanted to, and yes McDs, meal out with family, friends homes, families homes, school dinners or... they could eat no meat. Lets face it they already access meat somewhere to know they like it, so its not been an issue previously.

In no other scenario would you be arguing a 14 year should have privileges to have something in the home the parent said no to. If OP didnt allow snacks in the house but accepted her 14 year old ate crisps with her friends you wouldnt say this is terrible get a crisp cupboard.

It’s their house too!
They should be allowed to eat meat at home but should prepare it properly and clean up after themselves

Well done, that's PRECISELY the point. They don't HAVE to cook meat substitutes or meat either. I'm saying both nuts and meat are just ingredients, and both are very easy to avoid.

The whole 'my house/our house/their house too' thing is silly to get stuck on doesn't reflect the spectrum of day-to-day life and family dynamics.

Imagine;

"The kids want to vape inside the house" - Well, it's their house too!
"The kids want to get a snake and keep it in the living room" - Well, it's their house too!
"The kids want to paint the hallway black" - Well, it's their house too!
"The kids want to play loud techno all day long" - Well, it's their house too!

It's nonsense. Obviously the kids live there, and it's a shared space, but there are certain understandings within each household that may or may not be appropriate for them. The kids will get their preferences in other ways, which may not suit the OP. (E.g. my son gets to keep certain paraphenalia of his interest on display. Do I like it? No. Is it my preference or choice? Absolutely not. But he loves it, and it's something we can easily do to support him).

In this case, the OP doesn't want meat in the house due to her principles; this has always been the case, and she is not stopping them from eating meat altogether. It's quite easy to respect her wishes.

Oh OP, I totally get it!

I was brought up to eat meat, not least because my paternal grandfather was a butcher so my family got meat very cheaply. I chose to become a vegetarian almost 40 years ago and my daughter chose the same. My son-in-law is vegetarian at home (and when visiting me) but eats meat when out. He would not DREAM of cooking meat (or fish) at home or in my house!

What meat-eaters don't realise is that, when meat is prepared, tiny particles of flesh and little splashes of blood fly into the air, landing on all kinds of surfaces. Then, when it's cooked, the same thing happens whether using the stove top, microwave, air fryer or oven. For a vegetarian, being expected to accept one's home being used in this way is somewhat akin to how a regular meat-eater would feel if their kitchen had been the scene of a murder. "Don't worry", says the SOC officer - "We think we've pretty much cleaned up all the victim's blood, flesh and bone fragments. You just carry on and cook your dinner."

YABVU and selfish to your DCs

You are also depriving them of essential vitamins and minerals that cannot be replaced with a vegetarian diet.

Buy a chopping board and utensils for them to use and keep them separately to your cooking utensils.

I'll refer you back to my previous post that you replied to.
However, I think I was rather condescending when I said, "You do realize...". 🙄😵‍💫
Sorry about that!

Veggie here, not quite whole life but almost. I think you are being unreasonable, sorry. I have loads of veggie friends and none of them insist no meat in tne house.
Teens rebel, it’s part of their job description! And I think that is an unreasonable rule. It’s their house too.

I do wonder how many people saying YABU would reply the same way if it was a religious restriction..

I suspect many of them would support you that it was perfectly reasonable for you to keep your house Halal or Kosher, and that your kids would just need to accept that whilst they lived at home. Many kids with religious parents even have to hide having a sneaky bacon sandwich outside the home - whereas you've said you're OK with your kids eating meat elsewhere.

I see absolutely no difference between a religious belief and your deeply held, long-term belief that eating meat isn't something you want to support, and your choice not to have it in your house.

Ask them what's going on. What did they think they were doing? It's OK to let them see that you're upset about this.

You can’t say you’re ok with them eating meat you just don’t want it in your house. In your mind you think that’s not you controlling their diet, but it is really, considering it’s their home and the place where they eat probably most of their meals! So where have they been eating it up till now? Only in cafes and restaurants and friends/relatives houses?
I think you should put down very clear boundaries about scrupulously washing surfaces and utensils and you yourself not having to handle meat. But you shouldn’t be insisting on no meat in what is their home as well, unless you want to drive them away as soon as they are old enough to leave home!

But it's their home too. You don't seem to understand, sometimes kids want to eat certain foods in their home . Yes it's your house but their HOME

So that sounds like you’re saying “agree to disagree”?

Or at least to clean up and pretend it didnt happen.

This is a very good analogy.

I eat and enjoy meat, but I can easily see how horrifying it would be if it wasn't normalised through lifetime habit and social norms... and a certain wilful blindness.

I mean, just think about it without that 'normal' lens for a moment.

I wouldn't dream of preparing and cooking meat in the house of someone who saw meat as murder - which many vegetarians (reasonably) do, even if they're too polite to say it.

YANBU OP

I think you've got a good system for your home. 🙂

They are your children not house mates or tenants that you interview and chose.
It is their home not merely a place where they sleep and watch tv. IT IS THEIR HOME. Cooking and eating meat is not putting you at risk, they are not doing anything dangerous. They are not driving you in a car at high speed or keeping dangerous pets. It is only your entitlement and control that is dented.
I think you have been very lucky to have imposed your draconian rules for so long without challenge.

🙈🙉🙊

You keep saying my house my house my house. If their home too ! You can't ban them from eating something In their own home!

You said:
Its not like they cant have meat elsewhere. Your view dont seem to impact or restrict them so I think fair enough.

Which is a bit disingenious. You have school holidays now, we don't know how often this family eats out at places which serve meat. So they are left with McDonalds or not eating meat. Calling that no impact or restriction is absurd.

They are unreasonable to have used your wooden chopping board to cut up meat, you are unreasonable to have restricted their diet in their home for all of their young lives.

It depends what it was. If it was legal and not harmful then yes I would argue they should be allowed it. It's their home too, it seems as though they are being treated like lodgers though rather than family members.
If course they should clear up after themselves but that's a different issue. They should also use different utensils and pans but they can't do that because OP has banned all meat rather than come to a sensible arrangement that suits everyone

Wow, you’re comparing eating food to that? Living in la la land.

If they live with you it’s their house too. You can expect them to use their own utensils etc and to thoroughly clean up after themselves but to say they can’t eat it in your house or cook it seems extreme. How are they supposed to eat a varied diet if they can’t have meat when at home? Would you rather fast food out of the house?!