To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I think it's unreasonable of them not to tidy up, but unreasonable of you not to allow meat in your house. If they buy it, cook it and clean up there should be no reason why they can't eat meat in their own home. Absolutely on your side about the tidying up though, you should not have to handle meat if you don't want to.

I think your reading comprehension seriously suffers- OP explained a number of times on the first page she is not restricting them and they can eat meat.

Holy gamoly
From the way you come across in your posts (shouty, sweary & scary) I'm amazed the kids even dared to pull this off - they get a pat on the back from me for their 'disobedience'

YABU and you need to unclench, relax your RULES around meat in 'YOUR' house - nobody is forcing you to eat it, touch it, look at it or cook it.
Find a way to let your kids do this entirely natural thing, even if it's not how you want to live your life.

And get some help for the rage or your kids will hate you, and your relationship with them will wither and die (if it hasn't already done so)

It's not, actually. if it were, supplements like protein powder wouldn't have been invented. Whey protein edges out meat for bioavailability.
If you want to talk easy a protein shake is faster to prepare and is digested more efficiently.
No one needs to eat meat daily to meet nutritional needs.

I don’t eat meat, DP does but when he moved in with me (I am the sole home owner) I explained that my preference was that he didn’t have meat in the house. He enjoys vegetarian food so this wasn’t an issue for him. Things have moved on a bit over the years and he does eat some pre-cooked meat in the house occasionally (e.g. takeaway pizza) or frozen oven food (chicken goujons/frozen pizza) which I’m comfortable with. When he first wanted to order a meat containing takeaway he asked me if I was ok with it and I was. I wouldn’t be keen if he started buying raw meat to cook and use the chopping boards etc but we just keep an open dialogue about what we’re each comfortable with. Obviously I don’t want to be dictating to him what he can/can’t do in his home but equally he wants to be respectful of my feelings. We have a small child, he doesn’t really have the opportunity to eat meat yet but I’ll do the same as you OP and he can eat it outside the house. If my son wanted us to start buying/cooking meat for him or he wanted to do this in the home I think we’d have to sit down and chat and hear everyone’s perspectives. If it was incredibly important to my child that he ate meat at home, over and above my discomfort levels, then I probably would allow it. I think the issue here is if your children knew you’d be upset by them bringing meat into the house and did it anyway - that’s just inconsiderate behaviour for cohabiting. You all need to have a calm chat to understand each others perspectives and agree some rules. I don’t necessarily think the best way forward for your relationship is for you to just ‘lay down the law’ and ban meat from the house, I’d be trying to find a solution everyone is comfortable with. They might not have realised it’d be such a big deal for you and would be happy not to eat meat in the house moving forward.

What sort of meat do you think a 14 year old can realistically obtain outside his home, besides the lower quality, highly-processed kind?

I have a friend who's a vegan, her husband eats meat / dairy but not much (happily chomp on a vegan meal), her daughter vegetarian (has dairy, again will eat a vegan meal) and her son loves meat (right from an early age would have cried at vegan meal and asked for nuggets on the side - for her sanity she would agree to his requests). She has always allowed meat / dairy in her house, as she feels it should be her children's / husband's choice. I think when it's your children cooking meat you should make an allowance, if it was a friend staying over who's disrespected you then I'd understand you for being cross. However it's your children's house too, and IMO they should be allowed to cook meat.

You’re in Mumsnet, you are bound to get a lot of people who don’t understand people who don’t eat meat.

I’ve been vegetarian since the age of 12 and would find what they’ve done absolutely disgusting. It isn’t hygienic, meat has risks of cross contamination that you don’t have in the same way as a veggie kitchen, and just leaving the remnants for you to clear is appalling. You are going to find that disgusting as a vegetarian. For those reasons they’re bang out of order.

It’s one thing putting a bit of cooked ham on a pizza, it’s another contaminating your wooden chopping board and leaving it to fester. Surely they know now you’re either going to ditch the board or bleach to an inch of its life?

For those who have always eaten meat and don’t understand the OP, meat stops becoming a foodstuff to those who don’t eat it. It becomes as revolting as a bit of roadkill, or any rotting flesh. We generally don’t envy the meat you eat, we’re pretty repelled, hence leaving this mess is absolutely insensitive to their mother, and way out of order. Think of grabbing any dead carcass and leaving it on the wooden work surface and that’s what it’s like for the OP.

They should have cleaned up after themselves. The diplomatic way forward would be separate utensils, pans, washing up bowl and storage space.

Your point about always doing exactly what you wanted before, one is just an adult legally, they are becoming their own people. How welcoming you make your nest will affect the future relationship.

As soon as others belief systems infringe on others, it’s often a PITA.

If humans had never eaten meat, we would not have evolved as we have. It’s the most efficient way of getting those elements of our dietary needs. We are animals. We are great apes and we fit into the system as predators. It’s nature. If we were meant to be herbivores , we would have 4 stomachs .And different teeth.

Due to a process of ‘encephalization’, humans have a larger brain size than would be expected for their body size. To sustain an expansively large brain, energetic compensation was required during hominin evolution. When examining individual organs, the brain mass surplus (and its energy requirement), is closely balanced by the reduction in size (and energy requirement) of the gastrointestinal tract. This is not surprising, considering the gut is the only organ that can sufficiently vary in size to offset the metabolic cost of a larger brain (Aiello and Wheeler, 1995). This process required a shift from a diet high in bulky plants of low digestibility (requiring voluminous fermentation chambers such as a rumen or cecum, or an extensive colon), to a higher-quality diet where foods are more energy dense and require less digestive processing. In temperate grass and woodland environments, this equates to an animal-derived protein-rich and fat-rich diet (Speth, 1989). Based on their digestive system, humans are classified as omnivores, falling between their frugivorous anthropoid relatives (e.g., chimpanzees) and true carnivores. With a simple stomach, relatively elongated small intestine, and reduced cecum and colon, the human gut is suggestive of reliance on a high-quality diet in which meat was predominant.

I think the processed food and meat industries have been successful in their campaigns and have joined the thread. 😂

Rubbish. You can’t compare it to a nut allergy. I wouldn’t touch meat substitutes with a barge pole. Processed rubbish. They are old enough to know how they feel about meat consumption to make that decision. As long as they understand they do need to be respectful about cooking it and cleaning up that should be fine. It is their home too. This thing of saying ‘my house’ I have a real problem with. Very weird and sounds like parents from the olden days out of touch with their own children.

The current high protein diet thing is a fad which will soon fade out. People mostly aren't eating meat or fish to achieve it, partly because that's very expensive, they're eating UPF rubbish with protein powder mixed in, or sprinkling protein powder on other food. Meat and fish sales continue to fall.

The protein powders are made from milk, peas or other non-meat sources.

It’s unfair not to allow them to eat what they want in their own home. Why not invest in those coloured chopping boards?

Obviously they should have cleared up and I’m surprised they didn’t given how strongly you feel about the issue and they must know this.

I didn't say there are none- but there are very few.

Processed food is why she’s wrong. She said they can eat processed meats outside..well they are always unhealthy, unlike fresh meat in moderation. And there’s plenty of processing in protein powders. I watched them making it on YouTube

Don’t buy those plastic chopping boards have a separate wooden one. The plastic from the chopping boards gets into the food.

i find this really odd to be honest with you and I have been vegetarian since I was 12. I have always cooked meat for my children so they can have a nutritionally balanced diet.
Do I like handling raw meat no it really disgusts me particularly chicken but I put my children first.
I would be mad about the chopping board though my husband does this and seems to have no concept of food safety

Agree with this.

They can eat meat, I hope it’s not processed meats. If they were allowed to cook they could have unprocessed grass fed meat and free range chicken.

Have you spoken to them about it? Given them a chance to discuss what they would like to happen in their own home?

Because you are being controlling and failing to recognise that your DC live in this home too. They are not young children anymore.

They probably should not have left a mess, but they’re definitely sending you a message. How would they even know about chopping boards when there’s never been any reason to have that conversation.

You do realise I am a vegetarian - I don’t need to be told that vegetarian children are not malnourished. I was raised vegetarian as I have already said. Of course I understand that it is about the ideology, not the food. I have also already said my vegetarianism is religious.

I have two DC. I let them eat meat. IMO, which the OP asked for, that means letting them have it in the house. My eldest (9) has already chosen to be vegetarian. My youngest is starting to show she doesn’t like the idea that meat is dead animals. I don’t sugar coat it, and I don’t push her to make the same choices as me. I think it’s likely she will follow her sister and give it up, of her own choice. If she doesn’t that will be her choice.

IMO, which, again, I will remind you that the OP asked for, it would be unreasonable to insist on my DC not eating the food they are allowed by me to eat in their own house. I think it is restrictive and controlling - not necessarily to their diet, but to their ability to choose for themselves. Especially where she has given them the choice to eat it.

It’s like saying they can wear certain clothes you don’t approve of but not in your house. Do you see where I’m coming from? A lot of people might agree with the ideals of the clothing choice the mother is making and a lot of people might not, but she’s not really accepting their choices if she pretends to give them the choice but doesn’t allow it in her home. She’s attempting to control their choices.

This is the perfect post. Listen to this wise poster, @Meetmeinlove. Read it a few times and then work with the teens to set up specific boards and utensils for their (weekly?) meat preparation.

I think it is probably frustrating for the boys, but in a character forming way, not a life damaging way.

In discussions like this I often wonder just how many meat eaters there would be if everyone who ate meat was required to visit an abattoir.

I say that as a meat eater, but I think it's pretty rare for meat eaters to look the uncomfortable facts of the provenance of their animal protein full in the face.

Which accounts for why so many people on this thread are unable to understand the level of disgust that many lifelong and conviction vegetarians can experience at the thought and smell of animal flesh in their home.

Not everyone is vegetarian because they love animals and worry about ethical treatment. Some just dont eat meat because they don't like it or other cultural reasons.

Why is the OP a veggie? Has she said?