To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

YABU. It’s their home and they should be able to enjoy the diet they want in their home. Maybe they don’t want to eat your vegetarian meals at all? They also need to learn how to safely cook meat themselves.

Ok let’s try kicking footballs indoors, waving bats, clubs etc around, walking through the house with dirty feet, going through the medicine cabinet without checking with an adult, make up in certain areas, strong coloured squash in the living room with the new carpet etc etc

We all have rules in our house!

This was OP, you might not agree but it was still a rule and important to her.

Get them their own boards and knife set and talk with them about cleaning up thoroughly. I think it’s very unfair to restrict what they eat in their own home so much. Especially the 14 year old who has no other option to live somewhere else

The other thing is that the benefits of a higher protein diet are very much the thing just now, and young people are aware of this and “getting their protein in”

This is so much easier with meat and fish. It’s really hard to reach protein goals on a vegetarian diet (yes, yes I know, beans and lentils, and quinoa)

So they can eat meat but not cook or store it at home? Thats exceptionally controlling. You sound like a joy to live with . I definitely wouldn't worry about them not moving out at the first chance they get . Then you wont have to worry about meat being cooked in your home again.
My house is my whole family's home . We all make compromises and support each other i would never use the term my house when addressing my children. It instantly tells everyone else they are not fully welcome or equal. Its very sad.

It’s easy enough to leave out one type of meat when you can still eat it elsewhere but to ban an entire food group in the home a growing teen who wants to eat it is far more extreme. It’s the holidays so probably less chance to get meat they are likely really wanting it at this point so pushed them to break the rules.

I think this is six of one and half a dozen of another.

it is their home as much as yours so if they choose to cook and eat meat in their own home that's perfectly reasonable. However they should be very careful and respectful about cross contamination and clearing up after themselves.

As to not even wanting meat stored in your fridge - I think that's a little neurotic. As long as it's in a sealed container to prevent taint and cross contamination I think you should allow it.

OP, YANBU.

This thread is so interesting because I think meat eaters genuinely struggle to understand that it's so easy to eat without meat and therefore, to remove it must be 'restrictive'. But I also have a nut allergy, and therefore nuts aren't allowed in the house. Does that mean my family are restricted?! Of course not; they can eat nuts outside. It doesn't affect their day-to-day in any way. Nuts are just one ingredient, just as meat is just one ingredient. OP's kids will have so many alternative options available, AND know how to cook them, AND are perfectly able to eat meat outside of the home.

I'd be upset if my family ate meat in the house too, especially as they know how to cook without it and we have substitutes available! And then, to leave the kitchen in a mess after, is incredibly disrespectful. I see it as strong views vs a fickle desire for one particular meal. These two angles are not equal in weight.

One day in the not-so-distant future, they will begin lives in their own homes and can make the choices that suit them then. Until that time, they should understand your feelings on this and respect them.

Sorry, but you are being unreasonable. It's their home too. Why not compromise? Get them chopping boards and utensils specifically for meat, teach them to clean up behind themselves and ask them to only cook it when you're not around.

I completely understand your frustration as Ive been a vegan since I was 9 year old and that would really upset me.

My husband and children all eat meat which I encourage but I try and avoid it as it makes me physically sick if I touch, smell clean it. Which I’ve had to do when kids were little as wanted them to eat all foods and not be as restricted as me.

One side of our kitchen is vegan and I have separate bowls, plates, pans, chopping boards ….. everything and tell the kids to only use meat side and stuff when cooking.

I’ve always felt awful and apologetic to them all as it’s a giant pain in the arse being so ocd about it all, I find it exhausting and hate being so strict but at the same time home is the only safe place I can eat so need to keep it that way or I won’t eat it’s that simple.

Hopefully they will clear up and replace what they’ve used.

Also, milk, eggs, cottage cheese and greek yoghurt, protein powder.
(athlete my whole life, omnivore, but don't eat a lot of meat).

Listen to yourself! Your kids are cooking independently and not going out for junk food and you are mad. You know what this is....1st world problems. Tell me you are privileged without saying you are privileged!

Yes, but meat and fish is by far the easiest way, that’s just a fact.

I’m not saying you can’t get protein from a plant based diet, obviously

Especially with the high protein trend

That’s fine but it’s their home as well so why do your wants trump theirs? I have adult kids who still live at home, we are not aligned on everything but it’s their home as well. Having a rule about no smoking or drugs or whatnot is different as they are either illegal or directly affect others health, meat does neither of those things so just ensure they clean up properly after themselves and don’t leave remnants laying around on chopping boards or whatnot.

I agree it's disrespectful, butTBH it's their home too, saying they can eat meat but not at home is not really reasonable. How are you a lifelong vegetarian? Were your parents vegetarian? Highly unusual- most people turn in their teens, unless it's a religious/ethnic thing there really are very few lifelong vegetarians.

God only knows why you brought this discussion to Mumsnet of all places. Of course YANBU.

Her wants trump theirs because she's the adult and they are children. Adults set the ground rules in their homes.

Hello lifelong vegetarian here - believe it or not there were vegetarians in the 70s and 80s and their children (me!) were raised that way. My DS was also raised vegetarian 😲

This is bang on. I don’t think you can reasonably say no meat in the house for growing teens, but clearing up becomes even more important when you find it offensive.

if I were you, I would agree to buy them small amounts of good quality free range meat from animals who have had the best life (relatively speaking - I know you won’t agree and that’s fine) but make it very clear they need to present the kitchen as if the cooking hadn’t happened.

My kids are 14 and 16 and every single time they leave anything around - a chopping board, a plate, a knife - I call them back to sort it out. Calm, not shouting, just ‘can you clear your plate/bowl/lunch stuff away please’. Every single time. It’s boring but the only way. And they do learn.

my sister has two enormous teenage boys who she tried to make vegan. She used guilt tripping and all sorts of tactics to try and shame them into her lifestyle. As soon as they were able to choose, they became meat eaters. Sometimes, those really strong opinions or rigid views can cause kids to go the other way.

As a lifelong leftie, don’t want my children to be Tory voters. But I have never told my kids this, always read the news across the political spectrum, presented the alternative views to my own, and gently challenged some views or comments that might accord with mine but I don’t think they have genuinely thought through themselves. Because they are not, and I do not want them to be, carbon copies of me. I don’t want them to have blind beliefs. They are individuals, we need to give them all the information but we cannot control them to the degree I think you are aiming for. I think the best you can do is educate them - in a balanced way - and make sure that the meat that comes into your house has the best welfare provenance which means, in my view, you need to pay for it as it’s prohibitively expensive for teens.

I’m a vegetarian (and have been since I was 5), now in my 40s. I find uncooked meat repulsive and hate having it in the fridge and the smell of it being cooked. But my 8 year old son absolutely loves meat! So DH cooks him meat and uses separate chopping board and washes very thoroughly, really hot soapy water! My kids have asked me why I don’t eat which I explain but over time it has become easier and now I enjoy that my kids enjoy food (though they are NEVER allowed to put it in my plate!). I really understand how unpleasant it is to you; at the same time I do agree that if you have a blanket rule of no meat at all it will push them to some degree out of the house. Many teens love a cooked breakfast and I think will feel it unfair if peers can make themselves one in their own house but they can’t. Or they can’t have friends over for a bbq etc. Also it being disallowed at home will make it forbidden fruit so might mean they eat more than they would’ve done. Was it allowed for you or your siblings to eat meat at home when you were growing up?

Why bother they have the utensils already because if this was a plastic or wooden chopping board then it is contaminated already.

They need to replace the stuff they used. Given the cost they will certainly think twice before disrespecting peoples things

People really should do their homework about meat.
When looking at the most long lived and healthiest communities around the world. They are predominantly vegan/ vegetarian. Not for them wasting their money on care homes

Fair enough.
I hope they have apologised.

Could you nake occasional exceptions for the kids. Op?
Have a dedicated meat chopping board and knife and separate outdoor BBQ where the kids can cook meat once per week during fine weather months.

They could eat outside. Bag and bin the scraps and wash forks etc under garden tap before washing up well and storing inside.

Alternatively, ask them to take their meat cooking kit to the local park BBQs for picnics.

Honestly, this thread is like going back in time! I haven’t read or heard some of these pro meat arguments for years.

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable.

Your rules in your house. They can cook and eat whatever they like when they have their own place. For now it’s their home too but they have to live with your rules.
Yours isn’t the only home that doesn’t allow meat stored and cooked in it.

Meat is a perfectly natural substance. It's not kryptonite!