To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I totally understand as I am vegetarian myself.

I know how you feel.
I ordered a vegetable curry from the local takeaway and they sent me a chicken one by mistake.
I felt physically sick when I opened it up and realised.

I agree that we view meat completely differently to those who eat it.

I find it so difficult to understand why people choose to ignore how cruel and awful it is. The same people who may own pets and wouldn't dream of killing them and eating them. Why do they see it so differently?

Yes. It’s also your kids home. Yes they should use seperate chopping boards etc and clean up but you’re being UR to not let them eat in their own home.

Not sure why you think such controlling behaviour from the Mum is acceptable. Also, calling the kids offensive names is disgusting

I think you're being unreasonable.

As long as they use a different chopping board and clear up after themselves so you dont have to see it, I really dont get the issue.

I'm vegan and wouldn't want a dead animal being cut up and cooked in my kitchen either. Sadly the people saying: "it's their house too" don't see it as animal abuse and happily pay for the torture and murder of sentient animals.

I would sit down and have an open hearted discussion and ask they sit and watch.. Earthlings, Dominion, Forks over knives etc. and if they still want to eat it then they can do so out of the house.

Oh only about eating dead animals for sure 😉

Well yes, it is different, it’s not illegal or demonstrated to cause them harm. It is a mattter of opinion not law as to whether meat is allowed in a house or not, and as a perfectly legal very common and actually nutritious option this seems a 100% expected point for a teen to rebel on. It isn’t really the same to only eat meat outside the home, it means they can’t cook the simple basic stuff. It’s your house, but they live there too. While it hurts you it’s also a matter of your feelings being quite particular, it’s not like they shouted abuse and threw something and hit you, which is objectively unacceptable and illegal. Teens might drive their parents crazy trekking muddy boots on the carpet and that’s far worse in my book as it’s not healthy and someone has to clean up after them. I understand that this is an absolute no zone for you, but I don’t think you understand that it’s also pretty understandable a rebelling teen doesn’t respect that. You may have to consider insisting they clean up and perhaps getting a separate cutting board for meat.

Exactly this
People calling the OP controlling and what not... and what do you folks have to say about animal cruelty and killings that you endorse and welcome in your homes?
I'll tell you what, it's FAR FAR WORSE than a veggie mum being "controlling" of what goes in her fridge!

I cant imagine banning my children from eating what they want in their own house , you are very unreasonable, typical

The replies that say, I'm veggie/vegan and in my house my dc/dp etc prepare/eat meat, use different utensils etc, so OP should do same and is just being controlling, doesn't hold water. Just because it is fine for some doesn't mean it's fine for all. OP has a long-standing rule in her home of no meat. Her dc can eat whatever they like when out, she's never stopped them from that. The issue is not about, vegan or veggie v omnivore or carnivore eating preferences.
The issue is purely about respect.

YANBU your house your rules.

Its not like they cant have meat elsewhere. Your view dont seem to impact or restrict them so I think fair enough. If you were teetotal and the eldest left have a bottle of booze out everyone would agree with you

I say this as someone who eats and cools meat.

100%

You’re forcing your beliefs onto them, that’s the long & short of it. You’re restricting what they can cook and eat in their own home. You come across as absolutely fanatical about it. Not in my house!

It’s not just your house, though. It’s their home. They are old enough to cook for themselves at 14 & 18. Granted, they should have cleared up their own mess.

Of course I don't know they don't have a garden but if you have two grown up children and you've said 'house' the likelihood is there is some outside space?!

So, the 14 yo can just decide to eat meat... where exactly? McDonalds? Corner kebab shop? Buy a shop made ham sandwich instead of making one at home? Much worse options for their health than having access to proper normally cooked meat at home.
14 yos don't typically have money and freedom to regularly visit a good restaurant.

Saying "no because I said so" won't lead to happy outcomes.

Is there a family member they can visit regularly and cook&eat meat there?
Maybe a small side fridge for cold meat like ham&bacon they could use for their packaged lunches regularly without cooking it at home?
Separate chopping board and time slot when they can cook at home - and properly clean after themselves?

I just don’t want it in my house!

Do they live with you? I'm vegan but my husband isn't. He eats meat. He lives here.

Precisely. I wonder what would happen if these kids said to their mum "We're gagging for a decent piece of first class protein, and you don't want us eating it at home, so please will you take us out to a steak house?"

I am one of the vegetarians who thinks OP is being controlling. I never said she should let them eat meat in her house, but I do think it’s unreasonable not to let them. Also, not all meat has to be cooked, so all the “cooking meat smells” etc is just more excuses to control the behaviour of the others in the house.

Anyway, she asked, so why shouldn’t we answer?

I have a meat eater in my house he has to use separate chopping boards and utensils. When he goes my house will be a meat free zone.

Equally I have pans that I only use for certain types of food items.

To me it isn’t just disrespectful it is unhygienic to use a pan or a chopping board or a utensil that is only for a certain food stuff

I have worked in catering and the meat chopping boards/knives and utensils have different coloured handles to the vegan/vegetarian boards/knives etc.

I don’t even wash them in the same water

Both dc have never chosen meat, although DS once was given it by mistake at school
and he did I am told an impressive creation of a scene from the Exorcist.
The dinner ladies never made that mistake again.

DS is now vegan.

I would be livid if someone had chopped up meat on my chopping board that is for vegetables etc

I would need to buy another as it could never be used again other than for meat.

They need to replace what they used

But it sounds like that is what they are doing - learning to cook it for themselves. Where else can they cook if they can't cook in their own house??

I think maybe it’s really hard to explain to people who eat meat

I don't eat meat or dairy or eggs and I don't understand it either.

I do hate when the meat eater I have in my house cooks meat.

The cottage pie smell makes the house smell like some old people’s home.
And don’t get me started on the bacon/pork he cooks.
It makes me heave

It’s their house too and they aren’t allowed to cook something they want to eat in it. Seems a bit unfair. Why can’t they just have their own cutting board and cooking implements.

To be clear, OP, it was wrong for your DC to use a wooden chopping board - they should have used a separate one - and very wrong of them not to clean up. However….

What kind of relationship do you have, and what kind do you want as they grow up? Your tone is very much like that of my own DM. Before you answer, she thinks we get along well and she thinks we pretty much always have. But there has never really been room for me in the relationship, and she has no idea of what she’s missed. Or perhaps at some level she does: she isn’t stupid. Yes, there is love. But it is sad.

I would have been smart enough at 14 to clean up thoroughly, and you never would have known. You would have thought I was fine with the way you were laying down the law and you would have been very wrong.

I see this episode as a potential wake up call. Why did your DC leave a marked crime scene for you to find? They may be telling you that laying down the law because it’s your house isn’t working. You could think of this as giving a chance to reset things, so that a more genuine relationship becomes possible.