To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

OP YANBU
I am not a lifelong vegetarian, but my children are, ie I raised them vegetarian and as adults they do not buy, cook or eat meat. Apart from one notorious and hilarious occasion when tiny none of them have ever eaten meat to my knowledge
so, I'm actually very surprised that OPs children have done this, even as teenagers needing to rebel they wouldn't have done this as they don't actually see meat as food for them - obviously they know others do that and they just let them get on with it
I would also be outraged if someone came and stored or cooked meat in my house. I could just about cope if someone brought a previously prepared ham sandwich or something and ate it in my house I suppose.

All those who are saying 'but its their house too'....
how would you feel if your teenagers started smoking tobacco, or weed in your house? I know I would feel perfectly reasonable to forbid that.

Sorry can I just say I love your username

I think the unreasonableness is in several different ways from you. It is their home as well as yours and yet you are determining what they may eat or not.

You’ve obviously insured that they are vegetarian at home throughout the growing up probably before they were old enough to make their own decisions I’d question that as being reasonable on your behalf.

The one thing I don’t think you’re unreasonable for is being upset that they haven’t tidied up after themselves, but equally at their age ages probably wouldn’t be too surprised.

Yes a 14 year old eating meat is the same as a 14 year old smoking weed.

This is unhinged!

But not in the house. Why is that such a problem?

School holidays. And maybe little money. The 14 year old is probably feeling totally meat-deprived by now. Maybe he got fed up with scavenging for road kill and trying to cook it on a campfire

Simple rules put in place, they've disrespected you. They deserve to be punished for that. You don't buy them their treats in the next food shop? Don't cook for them for a few days? Etc. All the people banging on about why they should be allowed meat can shove it.

I bet the 18 year old is quaking in their boots at the thought of not being bought any treats.

Exactly. It shouldn’t be a problem for them to eat it.

I have a friend whose mum is Vegan for religious reasons, but my friend and her siblings were allowed to eat what they wanted. She even cooked meat for them a few times, because she wanted them to enjoy their meals, and she wanted them to eat together. Out of respect for her mother, my friend doesn't eat meat when meeting her mum for meals, and will cook vegan meals for her mum when she visits. I just wonder how that kind of healthy adult parent/child relationship can be created if you're dead set on them not eating meat at home. Will it become a driving force for them to not eat dinner at home as they age? For many, food is enjoyment, as much as fuel. They are teens too... Any attempt to control and might backfire, as it often does.

I'd focus on the chopping board/cleanliness issue. But if you're dead set on having a no meat house, at least hear out your kids as to why they broke your rules.

No one deserves to be punished in 21st century family life!

You are allowed to have your beliefs but I agree with other posters, it is your childrens' home too and you are very rigid to tell them they can't cook meat in their own home. However they should clean up after themselves.

It is my own religious feelings that stop me from eating meat and I think OP is being unreasonable. You can’t force your religion on other people, and she isn’t doing that anyway because she lets her kids eat meat.

They just need to be reminded to clean up after themselves.

Yea, it often was. I explained my reasoning to you already, which you chose to ignore.

When someone is 14, where else than at home would you expect them to eat regularly?

It's much better if they can cook meat at home at a reasonable standard, than rely on kebab and Mcdonalds, which are the teen-accessible sources of meat.

Of course, rules should be established - separate chopping board/one shelf in the fridge only/agreed times, but a blanket ban "because I said so" is weird.

It’s their house too?

@Lexingtonavenueandme I can understand that point to an extent; if an animal’s dead, it’s dead. But for many vegetarians it isn’t a practical issue, it is a moral and ethical one, I’m veggie, my partner isn’t. We talk about how we negotiate that. For the most part, I don’t care if he prepares stuff in our home, but that’s my boundary. Equally he knows I really dislike some things and doesn’t prepare those in the house. That’s our negotiation. OP has had that negotiation with her children. Maybe they want to renegotiate that, but this isn’t what is being asked.

Drugs are a difficult comparison because they are (mostly) illegal in the sense it’s usually used. Id be interested to hear why you think alcohol is different. It’s legal. Anyone one over 18 can partake in it. It can be used sensibly. People can make their own decisions.

I’m a committed carnivore and I think YANBU. You’re as entitled to keep a meat free house as someone would be entitled to keep a smoke or alcohol free house.

Yes. That was my life and my comment. I did what I wanted outside the home but my parents home was kosher. I would never bring it into their home. I do what I want in my own. There was no compromise here as it’s an entirely black and white issue.

Not the point of the thread OP but I’m a bit curious as to how they ended up eating meat if they’ve never had it at home? Most people I know who’ve had veggie or vegan homes, the kids have just stayed being veggie or vegan themselves

I think you are both unreasonable. They disrespected you and made a mess they knew would upset you. But you are controlling what they can make to eat which feels a bit unfair. I’m vegetarian but I absolutely would not stop the other people in my house cooking and storing meat.

Where else are teenagers supposed to cook the food they want to eat if not in their own house? Its not like they can go to their friends house and ask to cook a steak can they? I can't imagine controlling what my kids cook like this - as long as they don't cook and eat what was planned for a family dinner and clean up after themselves they have freedom to cook what they want. You can't set ridiculous rules and then complain when they are broken.

I know several children raised in veggie households who started eating meat as teenagers. And my son’s best friend is reluctantly vegetarian at home and eats alll
the bacon at ours when he visits (his parents gave him total autonomy to eat what he likes out of the house). I also know some children who chose to be vegetarian - including one who decided at 4 and never went back. And I was raised kosher and haven’t been kosher since I had a choice and my own money!