To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

The fact that they broke your long established rules would suggest that they feel just as strongly about being able to cook meat in their own home as you do about excluding it. If they were happy only eating meat in restaurants/friends’ houses/takeaways, then they would have kept on doing just that. I honestly think you need to find a compromise. This is their home. I don’t think they want to roast a hog on a spit in your kitchen. They just want to be able to cook the food they enjoy. Imagine if you were told that you couldn’t have any pulses or cheese (or whatever your main source of protein is) in the house ever again.

A vegetarian diet isn’t necessarily restrictive, if that’s what you prefer, but it is restrictive if you want to eat meat. The problem is, some vegetarians and vegans have a terrible attitude to meat eaters and are very disparaging about their preference for eating meat. All the remarks about them not being able to ‘manage’ without meat as if it’s some sort of moral failing. There’s a reason why there are so many cookery books, cookery shows and TV chefs, all showcasing hundreds of different cuisines. Because beyond the basic need for sustenance, we ENJOY our food. And for most people, meat is a staple part of that enjoyment.

my gawd there are a lot of rude replies here.
has there been an en masse pissing on chips?

it really doesn't matter what the rule is. It's about respect. It's not a veggie/carnivore debate.

Somebody eating meat in your house has no baring on your health. The effects of passive smoking are well known.

Smoking leaves a residue and causes permanent damage to a person’s home. Eating meat does not.

The vast majority of smokers do not even smoke inside their own homes these days, let alone other people.

Not remotely the same.

I guess they're rebelling and pushing back on the rules. Unless they're spoilt and very mucky and usually leave evidence of what they've been cooking for others to clean up? They must have left the meaty stuff there to make a point?! To see what you'd do?

I guess a compromise might need to be made now they're getting older. Obviously cleaning up after yourself is non negotiable.

I've already made it clear I'm talking about residual smell, not passive smoking.

You pretty much have to chain smoke or start a fire with a lit fag to cause damage to a home.

I can see it from both sides
I’m vegan and my kids eat meat. I do allow it in the house, as they live here too but we have separate pans and chopping boards etc. There is also a small fridge where they keep meat and fish as i don’t want it in my fridge.
i also ask that they keep the back door open when they cook it as it stinks
If they use my chopping board or don’t wash up after themselves I do get really pissed off
i personally compromise but I can see why you are annoyed

With younger kids there is more control over their lives in general. Part of parenting teenagers is learning to let go of that control and give them the space to make their own choices. Their home should be a safe place for them to do that.

So are they allowed to cook meat if they learn to do it themselves?

There are no "both sides" to this issue. It's really just nonsense vs sanity.

These irrational meat phobias are utterly foolish, there's no other word for them. Rather than confront (and try to overcome) her own foolishness, the OP prefers to eagerly alienate her own children.

I hope they get the message, and sever contact with her as soon as they can.

OP, I feel the same here and would be incredibly upset. I think they make amends by paying for a deep kitchen clean and replacing your kitchen items.

Meat isn't necessarily healthy.
www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/food-types/meat-nutrition/

It’s. Not. Just. Your. House. What you are is controlling over what your children can do in their own home.

To those saying there's no harm in them cooking meat, you really just don't understand how deeply visceral the response of a lifelong veggie would be.
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP.
But it nay be time to have a familydiscussion about what happens going forward.

Imagine thinking they’d sever contact with their Mum because she doesn’t want meat in the house. What an odd conclusion to draw from this discussion.
Most non meats eaters don’t have a phobia lol but they are morally opposed to meat, therefore don’t welcome it in their home.

I eat meat but can’t stand the smell of prawns cooking. To the point where I feel physically sick (lots of smells do that to me.) But DP loves the bloody things, so I stay out of the kitchen while he cooks them. Maybe I should ban them from the house. No, hold on, there’s this thing called compromise.

With regard to red meat possibly causing cancer, I won’t get cancer if someone else eats it, will I? Whereas smoking …

This.

And I say it as a lifelong vegetarian.

Buying some chicken at Tesco is not like chopping up the cat for tea
wtaf

100% this. It is totally okay not to want dead animals in your home! I wonder how some of these posters would react if dog or horse meat was prepared/ cooked in their homes… other cultures do…

Several posters are talking about how they hate the smell of cooking meat and wouldn't want it in their house. What about a slice of pre-cooked ham or similar? What's the reasoning for banning your children from bringing that into the house?

@Imdunfer The residual smell from smoking is because of the lingering smoke; smoke that is still a risk to the health of anyone in the house even long after the cigarette is finished. The lingering smell of a bacon sandwich whilst strong isn’t actually harmful to anyone. It’s not a fair comparison. Also, the kids did it whilst OP was out and she didn’t mention a smell did she? If they’d been more thorough with the clean up she probably would never have known, my guess is that this isn’t the first time they’ve done it either.

Is it not their house too?

They have not the slightest idea of the meaning of "morality". It is just arrant foolishness that makes them feel "special".

In this case, "their Mum" treats her kids as toxic intruders in her special phobic place. The sooner they're free of that wretched abode, and her company, the better it will be for them.

I am a lifelong vegetarian and I think YABU. I told my DH when we met, because I’ve never cooked it and don’t know what it’s supposed to look like when it’s done or how to cook it to be safe, that that’s his job if he wants to eat it. But I don’t think it would be reasonable to stop your family members having it in the house - it is also their house.

YANBU to be upset they didn’t clean it up, and that it’s been on your chopping board. I would make that their meat chopping board from now on and buy yourself a new one. Get them to pay for it if you want to make a point that they knew the rules and broke them, but really, I don’t think it should have been a rule in the first place - it’s very controlling.

My best friend is also a lifelong vegetarian and her DH and kids eat meat in her house.

I’m a big meat fan, mostly eat low carb so it’s handy to eat a lot and am a farmers daughter (livestock as well as arable). Even with all that I think YANB at all U! Of course we don’t “need” meat otherwise vegetarians and vegans wouldn’t survive 🤷🏻‍♀️.

You set out your boundaries and at the very least if they wanted to cook it at home they should have come to you and negotiated not just gone ahead (using your chopping board!). I think I’d make them clean up and throw the chopping board card (they buy a new one?) and reiterate your, not unreasonable boundaries. I’d also add a caveat that if they don’t agree with something, you’d rather they discuss than do the “easier to apologise after than ask permission” thing.

YANBU

I'm not vegetarian but my husband is and has been all his life. He has an aversion to meat being cooked in the house. He has never pushed me to vegetarian. I usually order meat when we go out to dinner and he cooks the majority of the time at home. As a result, it's easy for me to respect his boundaries.

As far as I'm concerned, this is simply a matter of respecting your loved ones. Vegetarianism is not an extreme belief -- it's not some kind of torture to be deprived of meat at home.