To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I did read your post and I think it is very restrictive

It’s their house too. This is really restrictive. Agree they should use separate chopping boards and clean up every trace.

Why? My ex turned into an absolute loon over food.

He decided that everybody in the house had to have meat at every meal. He declared that he wouldn't have any of that vegetarian muck in his home - which meant any product, ingredient or vegetable that wasn't a potato, carrot or broccoli stalk (except Romanesco, as that was some weird monster thing that had to be cast out the kitchen window in case it poisoned him, along with any plate of food that did not contain precisely three items - one meat, two vegetable or one white carb and a luminous sauce from a jar).

He also banned any fish that wasn't white and didn't come in batter, all seafood and threatened dire retribution if he were to ever find out I had polluted the place with a single waterbased lifeform - which might not be a problem for a vegetarian, but was entirely based upon his own dislikes and hatred of anybody daring to think that they might like to eat a chickpea, spinach and sweet potato curry, a black dahl or a jacket potato with vegetable chilli instead of his notions of what consisted acceptable food under 'his roof'.

Unfortunately for him, it wasn't actually under his roof, it was under mine. So we went back to some form of normality after that unpleasant interlude. But it is exactly the same logic 'under my roof' that is being used here.

They should be allowed to prepare and eat meat in their home should they wish to. It's unreasonable and controlling to try to force your views on them. Buy a second set of boards/knives/baking trays etc for the meat peparation if you must.

It's not disrespectful,it's just not doing what you want.

Make it clear they have to thoroughly tidy up and use the correct chopping boards.

They are old enough to make their own decisions about food and it's their house too.

Behave... the OP is saying literally the opposite - she's eating out with her kids and they are ordering meat.

Ultimately, processed meat is a carcinogen, you can have a perfectly healthy diet without it, and meat consumption is a massive environmental concern for everyone on the planet. The idea that anyone is presenting vegetarianism as detrimental to children is wild to me.

YANBU! Also a lifelong veggie & I’d feel the same. Meat to me is in the same grossness category as dog poo or human flesh, not something I want in my house. I’d be recycling/composting that chopping board for a start….

Don't put up with this nonsense. As a parent, you are responsible for making the house rules - it's not a democracy.

I'm vegan and would not allow meat in the house (pet food aside). Your children can live perfectly well without it, so if they really want it they can get it elsewhere.

@Whaleandsnail6 I grew up in a no alcohol house . My father was tee total and my mother didn't bother . There was no way we would sit and drink alcohol in the house . That was what the pub was for in those days . Other friends could drink at home but it was no hardship to respect his position.

I've never cooked meat for my children and I don't intend to ever cook meat. If I married another veggie or was raising them alone I'd probably have a similar outlook to you tbh. I'm not surprised you're upset.

Sounds like they have been quietly putting up with your rules and now had a bit of a ‘sod that’ rebellious moment. Particularly if they would normally tidy up after themselves.

Hi OP, I completely understand as a non-veggie who has lived amongst vegetarians. It’s actually strange to me to consider eating meat at a vegetarian’s house.

I grew up in a religion where it is forbidden to eat meat and I think it’s perfectly possible for children to be raised in vegetarian households where meat is never eaten- millions live like that in different parts of the world.

I would approach this from a respectful perspective e.g. sone mumsnetters might be a shoes off household, or limit sleepovers or something else. This goes against your household expectation that’s all.

I have teenagers too lol, and I can assure YOU that the ‘my house’ rules are exactly how I ensure the smoothest ride. Teenagers are expected to push boundaries, behave outrageously at times, take risks, experiment. They have to, in order to make mistakes and learn from them. MY job, as the parents and absolutely not their equal, is to be the steady anchor while they ride their rough seas. I’d be failing them if I weren’t. I don’t think any parent is entitled to a smooth ride as parents. Giving in and joining them isn’t in their best interests imo.

Veggie threads always bring out the swivel-eyed 'it's control'/'it's abuse'/'it's always been human's staple diet' loons.

What strikes me is that they've suddenly bought and cooked meat in the house at 14 and 18. Is this the first time they've done it? If so, do you have any idea why?

And I agree, as it's a known rule in your house they have been disrespectful. Not cleaning up properly is insult to injury. They are absolutely old enough to know better.

Interesting actually that you have never cooked them meat but they have sought it elsewhere.

I think you are unreasonable expecting them to only eat meat outside the house, therefore meaning it always has to be paid for. If they fancy a ham sandwich even a meal deal is around £4 these days. If they want a meat dish then you are again looking at £8+ if they go McDonald's or wetherspoons but if they wanted something decent then it would cost a lot more.

I think they should definitely clear up after themselves and you need a separate board for cutting meat though.

Then all the more reason to have them cook healthy, unprocessed meat at home instead of going for mcdonalds.

Btw vegan ready meals can be very highly processed and unhealthy as well. Bottom line should be stay away from processed foods, not meat specifically.

How do you know they eat mcdonalds?

I TOTALLY get it. You feel really strongly about this for ethical reasons and the idea of your house, chopping board, pans etc being polluted by corpse is really distressing.

I wonder if all the corpse fans saying you should be ok with it would think it was fine if someone cooked up cat, dog or horse in their kitchen. Or would expect a Jew or Muslim to be ok with pork being cooked.

I am also lifelong veggie though my family is unfortunately not. Their choice to eat some (not all) corpses but I am not facilitating it and would be so upset about a wooden chopping board being used for it.

How does pointing out that meat has always been a human staple make someone a loon? I'm not even a big meat-eater, but I know that to be true.

Possibly a coincidence, but the majority of friends who's parents were the "my house, my rules, no discussion" type were the ones that were pushing their DC out as soon as they turned 18. Everything was "dont like it, move out".

Looking back i do wonder why they had children if they orchestrated them moving out so quickly.