To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

@CanOnlyBeMyself I think having a few ground rules is fine. In the OP's case, she's a lifelong vegetarian and all she's asking is that they don't cook or store meat in the house, she's not banning them from eating it outside the house.

But, for example,@Quamarinawas talking about a time long before passive smoking was known about. So I think her point is perfectly valid.

Booze is still not comparable to meat.

I think banning the 18 year old from booze in the house would be stupid also. They are an adult.

Banning it for the 14 year old fine as they are not legally allowed to buy it.

I would imagine that a lot of lifelong vegetarians would feel physically sick at the thought at raw meat being anywhere in their house.

There are probably plenty of meat eaters who would feel sick if they allowed themselves to think about what that meat looked like on the live animal and how that animal died.

Eating meat is not required to eat healthily. People have a right not to feel sick in their home due to someone else's unnecessary food choices.

I'm a meat eater but I can understand this.

OP doesn't allow meat in the house so there isn't a correct chopping board.

As far as I'm concerned, separate chopping boards and utensils should apply to different religious beliefs too - same difference.

Smoking is different, because it destroys everything it comes into contact with, staining fabrics, walls and ceilings, making everything stink and secondary smoke damages organs too.

There are some really rude comments being posted and they're missing the mark, too.
It's not about letting the kids cook what they like now since they're older; it's not about having rules around when and how to let them cook meat, ie different cutting boards etc; it's stupid to ask OP if leather shoes are worn; it's not a debate about ethics.

This is completely about how things are in the OP's home. It has been meat-free the entirety of the dc's lives. All foid the OP has ever prepared and fed them has been vegan or vegetarian. The OP has never eaten or handled meat herself. And the OP has never limited the dc's food choices outside the home, so the dc actually have eaten meat when they want.

For some reason the children have chosen to disrespect their mum in this particular way by not only cooking meat in the home, but by leaving evidence of it out.

The disrepect was them not clearing up after themselves.

Using a wooden chopping board for raw meat is not appropriate regardless of begetarians in the house.

I know plenty of vegetarians and can say hand on heart that they are not this restrictive with their children, they even cook meals with meat for them. Only because they dont like meat for animal welfare reasons/ taste or both they aren't this extreme.

Do you not think its extreme? It must cost your children a fortune eating out all the time.

I agree that your DCs were inconsiderate in not clearing up after themselves but not allowing any meat in the house is unreasonable it is their house as well and I think they should have the choice in the same way a vegetarian would have a choice in a meat eating household.

I actually think it’s pretty disrespectful for them to cook meat in her house. They could totally have something else (although I’d argue this isn’t the first time but I’d probably the first time she’s found out). What is unreasonable about this is that the OP is aggressive and defensive on an AIBU. Why out something on this forum if you’re not up for listening to a debate? If you’re asking for opinions it’s worth listening to them, both sides. Otherwise the forum should be called “HEY LISTEN TO THIS THING THAT ANNOYED ME”. Or just stick it on the chat forum.

I'd be willing to have a conversation about alcohol in the house with an 18 year old...I wouldn't blanket ban it on a "because I say so"

If I was a recovering alcoholic and their drinking alcohol would affect my recovery, or if they became a different person when drinking alcohol/drank to excess so their behaviour negatively impacted others in the house/their own health, I understand the rational in wanting to not have alcohol in the house when I'm there. But there is no direct harm to op or anyone in the house if her teens cook meat when she is not present, and clean up after themselves

@Meetmeinlove I agree with you OP. If the house rule is "no meat" then they should respect that. Their diets are undoubtedly healthier than the chicken nugget brigade. I can't believe some of the posters on here practically accusing you of child abuse. Child abuse by vegetarianism for fuck sake. You've clearly said there are to be no dead animals in your house and not only did they flout that rule, but they didn't even bother to clear up after themselves. They can cook, eat and even kill their own meat in their own homes when the time comes. Until then they abide by your rules and beliefs. It's hardly going to kill the little darlings is it.

Look, those kids are in prime parent-rebellion ages, and if it were me I'd be so thankful they chose hotdogs over heroin!

I think you should listen to the rational replies on here, OP. It's your house, sure, but it's their house too. They're not asking for anything unreasonable when it comes down to it - just a simple desire to eat a kebab in their PJs - again, it could be worse!

I would absolutely explain about food hygiene and safety - including using the right utensils and cleaning up properly. I'd make that a condition of allowing the meat, almost in a don't ask don't tell way - i.e. as long as I see no evidence of it ever having been here, I'll allow it!

Saying that they can eat meat but only out of the house isn't particularly fair imo.

A 14 year old can't get a steak at a restaurant whenever they want to. You're limiting your kids to disgusting school canteen meat and maybe the odd McDonalds with friends. Not exactly top quality food.

You should be delighted they want to cook and doing what you can to encourage them. Get a separate chopping board, knife and frying pan for them if that would make you more comfortable.

Yes they should have washed up. But i would imagine because of not having cooked meat much before, they may not be as conscious to use different types of chopping boards etc.

And restricting where the DC can have meat isn’t letting them have it whenever they want.

I would suggest a compromise that op talks with dc about how to cook meat and wash up properly.

I think this is a measured and well-thought out response.

Where else can they cook and eat it if not at home? Respectfully I think you’re being unreasonable.

Next level controlling
Your Personality reeks through your posts

Vegetarian here - the use of the wooden chopping board was completely unacceptable as that doesn’t clean off properly. They should be allowed to cook meat, but they should have their own chopping board and pans for it.

If you share your life and your kitchen with meat eaters you need to introduced fridge rules ( raw meat at the bottom shelf well wrapped and cooked meat in containers or foil wrapped, and get separate chopping boards in different colours, and washing up rules. You might want a different set of utensils as well, in a different colour..

You need to get organised and then express your requirements for sharing the kitchen

I dont want dead animals in my house either. I feel as upset by a dead pig as I would a dead dog being chopped up in my kitchen. Yanbu.