To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

Processed meat is a grade 1 carcinogen, so OP could replace 'meat' with 'cigarettes' and I'm sure it would be a very different thread.

This is an interesting point. What would the parents response be if they're Jewish or Muslim and their child brought bacon home because they'd tried it at a friend's house and wanted it again?
Keeping kosher is a moral decision. Are posters saying OP can't make a moral choice not to have meat in her house?

The op can have a vegetarian household if she wishes, it is their home of course but I do think they need to be mindful of their mothers who's house it is to remain meat free.

What exactly had they left behind? A few charred bits from a burger or splodges of blood dripping everywhere from a juicy steak?

For me it would all depend on how they'd left the kitchen, I wouldn't deny my kids eating what they wanted to as long as they clean up after themselves, it is their home after all. Fwiw. I don't eat meat, eggs or dairy but my 18 and 21 year old DC are adults so eat what they want and whilst they live here it's their home too.

Why exactly donl you have such harsh restrictions in your house? Is it the animal welfare aspect? Do you feel the same feeling about cheese or milk sitting in your fridge or being consumed in your home? If so then yabu. You obviously know just how horrific the dairy industry is? Many vegetarians like to stick their fingers in their ears when it comes to discussions about their delicious dairy.

Yes that is what people are saying, her moral decision doesn't matter.

Yes. I'm a Hindu who doesn't eat meat. My dh is a Hindu who eats meat. We have a different family rule, no meat at all on Saturdays. Other families have different rules. I know some where beef can't be eaten at home but outside the house.

I've stayed with family who allow meat outside the home but not inside the home. It's fine. I understand why as well someone would have a moral opposition to eating innocent living beings who didn't ask to die.

Leaving remnants of meat on a wooden chopping board is quite revolting. They might as well have had a crap on it, as it could only possibly be used for meat again. I hope they get you a new one

Food is essential. Meat is an valid & easy food source for growing teenagers.

Honestly, we are Monday- Friday Vegetarians/ even have the odd vegan dish- I'm against, cheap, mass produced meat and buy from an organically certified farm. But my DC (older teenager & young adult) often supplement their meals with meat they buy themselves- especially when they have been physically active. Meat is a good and easy source for protein, amino acids, vitamins & minerals. Helping with recovery & building muscles.

You could say the same about dog meat, horse meat, etc.

"you shouldn't have had children" is an olympic-level stretch.
It's not impacting their health to eat a vegetarian diet, WTF? They can get perfectly adequate nutrition through a vegetarian diet, and perfectly healthy options exist at restaurants, friend's houses. You can't only get healthy meat in your own home.
You then go on to say they should have been respectful and used different utensils... but they DIDN'T, that's literally the point.

A wooden chopping board for meat and remnants left about is gross. OP I totally understand your upset, but what has your response been?

Agree with this.

At 14 and 18 it is their home too, and if they're cooking for themselves I think you should let them make what they want.

They do need to clean up properly though.

I completely agree with you.

I’ve been a non-meat eater for 10 years and I’ve never had meat in my house. My child is a toddler but when she is older, she will have the same rule - eat what you want at school, with grandparents, your friends house, but we won’t be having meat at home.

What people don’t understand is that when you stop eating meat for a long period of time, you no longer see it as food. You see it for what it is, which is the corpse and flesh of a dead animal, and the thought of that being in your home, on your pans, as a smell lingering in the rooms is repulsive. You mentally do not consider it as food. I know meat eaters won’t understand this but you see it as literally flesh, no different to human flesh, and it repulses you. So the thought of someone going against that rule would be considered as highly disrespectful to me, and if you’re also a sufferer of (diagnosed) OCD like me, I would feel impulsed to throw out the cooking utensils as I would feel they had been contaminated.

I’m not engaging with anyone who tries to start an argument about why being vegetarian is harmful, not giving it to your kids is child abuse, etc. I respectfully suggest you go and do some research. I want you to be aware that people with dietary requirements are more likely to be on top of making sure what they eat has high nutritional value as we’ve done research to ensure we’re getting everything we need, and in my case I’ve had blood tests (due to unrelated reasons) which prove it.

Not necessarily. I've known a couple of Muslims who eat pork and even more who drink alcohol but would never do it in front of their parents. They still class themselves as Muslim.

Maybe they didn't actually know that you are meant to use different utensils and not use a wooden chopping board. At 14 and 18, young people often need to be told these things. If OP has just always had a blanket "no meat" rule then they might not have really learned about kitchen hygiene around meat.

OP I think you should consider letting them cook meat and explain how you want it hygienically prepared and cleaned up.

These are legitimate foodstuffs, it just so happens they’re not traditionally eaten in the UK.

I just don’t want it in my house

As others have said OP, it’s their house too. Why would they treat you with respect when you don’t see them as equals? Not once have you said ‘our house’. They’re old enough to know now that their home life hasn’t been ‘normal’ so maybe they’ve had enough? Or maybe they were about to clear up but were interrupted by you so had to run upstairs with their ‘disrespectful’ meals. Bloody hell this takes ‘controlling’ to a whole new level.

What about teens that want to be vegetarian or vegan being forced to have meat and dairy products in every meal by a parent that won't have it in their fucking house? Who will only buy leather shoes and jackets with Coyote fur trim and bedding full of eider feathers?

Their house, their rules, the kids will just have to eat and wear what they're given?

@Meetmeinlove , there will be a lot of responders who do not understand how important this is to you. It’s your home and it’s deeply disrespectful of your children to have done this when they are old enough to know how important this is to you. I’d be spitting bricks. 💐

But it's their house, too.

And, like religion, they have the right and the freedom to choose and feel differently about what they believe in or want to follow when it comes to food.

YABU

I think there is a compromise - they have a chopping board for meat and need to clean up properly after themselves. My friend is kosher and her non kosher husband and kids even have plates and pans for non kosher food.

I think if this is the environment they were raised in they know the house rules.
For their ages, they'd have known exactly what they were doing. The question is, Why?
I wonder if it was a somewhat passive aggressive action and they wanted to provoke a response. It's possible was just thoughtless. However, OP's posts show a deeply entrenched attitude. Do the children fundamentally disagree and want to test it?
Is OP as strident in other areas leading her kids to frustration, rebellion, disrespect ?

I think the op is getting some harsh replies.

Presumably, she's a vegetarian for ethical reasons because she is against unnecessary cruelty to animals.

I wonder if the answers would be different if she objected to different house rules not being followed. If she was religious and had a kosher or halal kitchen, would it be reasonable to expect her children to follow that? If she was anti-smoking, would it be ok for the children (once they were old enough to legally buy cigarettes) to smoke in a smoke-free house?

Her children are hardly deprived just because they're not allowed to have meat in the house.

I know someone who has also been a vegetarian their entire life. The rest of the family cook and eat meat in the house because it is a family home, not just mum’s house.

I think it would be reasonable to ask them to buy you a new chopping board, to make clear that leaving the kitchen in a state was extremely disrespectful, and (assuming you live somewhere where the shops are fairly accessible) that meat shouldn't live in your fridge, and that you should be out while they cook it. But I don't think it's reasonable to ban them entirely from cooking meat at home.