To be upset about meat being cooked in my house

[Meetmeinlove]

For context, I am 53 and a lifelong vegetarian. I have never cooked meat or eaten meat.

I was always clear with my kids that if they wanted to eat meat, it was their choice but it had to be out of the house. Put simply, I don’t want it in my house.

They both eat meat and I am ok with that.

But I came home and they have cooked it- used my wooden chopping board to cut it up. Left remnants on the worksurface.

i’m bloody upset and it feels so disrespectful frankly. It’s a real problem for me- I don’t want meat in my house- I have always been really clear about it.

aibu to be so upset about it? It’s a real problem for me.

I'm a veggie of over 40 years and I think you are being very unreasonable.

My husband and children eat meat and I would never dream of telling them that they cannot eat it in their own home.

You need seperate cooking equipment for them to use.

It's their home too, they've done nothing wrong apart from not cleaning up after themselves.

Food doesn’t have to be meat. Both meat and boyfriend sleeping over are non essential.

Being uptight like op isn’t essential either.

Don't many parents do exactly that? Admittedly different food types such as cake, crisps & sweets but do you judge them so harshly too?

It’s their home too and it’s weird not to let them cook what they want to eat

But yours not discussing or debating. Your stance is your house, your rules.

You are having a tantrum and a strop.

You have teenagers who want to make someone to eat in their home, using their kitchen, using their oven or utensils.

This isn't someone drinking, smoking or vaping which is illegal at their age but getting some basic human rights to nutritional food in their own home.

What is they asked can they start to have meat int their diet at home? Will you refuse? Ham for a sandwich? A microwave meal for convenience?

Are you saying your DC cannot choose want in their home and only outside the home?

I grew up in a house where I was told daily it was my mum's house and not mine and I wasn't allowed to do anything in the house without permission. It wasn't a home and I moved out when I was 16. Don't be that mum. Let them cook meat but ask them to clear up afterwards. Children need to feel it's their home as well.

I’m guessing the 53% of people who think OP is being unreasonable aren’t all Inuit though.

I’d be side eyeing a parent who just out and out banned crisps or chocolate tbh.

I get banning things for allergies but other types of ban just make the food more desired.

Also these children well one adult are prepared to buy and prep their own food they are not even wanting op to cook them roast chickens and steaks.

They just want to be allowed to eat normal every day food that is zero risk to anyone else in the home.

It’s their home as well. You are being incredibly controlling. Yes, they should clear up properly and if you want to have a separate chopping board then fine, but it is absolutely unreasonable to tell a child they can’t eat a major food in their own home unless there is a serious medical reason like an anaphylactic allergy.

OP, i can fully understand your feelings.

FWIW I am not a vegetarian but I was for a couple of years.

The inability of meat eaters in this thread to not understand why, to some people, it is revolting is shocking. We have vegan friends and when they come here we only use things that have never come into contact with meat. It means we provide them with food already made for vegans from the supermarket for the most part.

Add in the usual Mumsnet making stuff up (like they are not permitted meat) despite it being pointed out this is not the case.

I am a meat eater and I get it. There is something particularly revolting about dead animal flesh if you are not a meat eater. I imagine that you want to throw out the wooden chopping board, they should never have even thought of using that.

I kind of understand the 14 year old wanting to cook and eat meat in his own home, but provided you brought him up on a healthy diet then he can get that experience elsewhere. The 18 year old should have known better and if he wants a home where he can do exactly as he likes he needs to move out.

Nobody needs to eat meat.

I understand OP - also a lifelong veggie (now vegan) with no meat in my house 🙂

It is controlling, but it’s also immature. The foot stamping “MY house! I don’t want it! It’s MY HOUSE!” is incredibly immature.

Obviously it’s your choice to act that way and you can carry on if you want. But children with parents that approach them with immaturity often are distant with them as adults. The teenage years are important in determining what sort of relationship you’ll have when they’re older. The way they will perceive this is “She was so controlling about what we ate and so childish about not even letting us have meat in the house. It was so abnormal compared to everyone else’s parents that let them eat what they wanted at home.” It’s up to you if that’s worth it.

I would be of the mind that it's their house too. They're not visitors. It's their home.

Food is necessary for life.

Smoking, vaping, having boyfriends over, non essential.

You only want them to have food you enjoy. They can't have the most basic family pleasure of sitting at the table with family and eating what they enjoy eating.

They have chosen to eat differently than you.

You haven't taught them basic food safety either.

I think you should open up the talk with them about food.

The poster who guarantees that all the people saying you're unreasonable are meat eaters, dead wrong. I'm veg. My mom, lifelong vegetarian and when she was dying of cancer, she wanted sausage. I cooked her sausage.

Honestly? I would find it controlling if a parent banned an older teenager from having any sort of cake/sugar/chocolate/crisps in the house. Its very restrictive and for an 18 year old!

We are not talking about young children here. We are taking about older teenagers, who are making choices over a balanced diet, that for them includes meat. Its their choice.

They are not asking op to facilitate it, they are asking to do the buying, prep, cooking and eating themselves. I do think they need to clean up after themselves properly.

And clearly this isn’t the first time. It’s just the first time you’ve caught them, they’ve done it often enough to get blasé 😆

I think on balance it is nu to 'ban' things you don't like/agree with from your own home. Meat is a weirdly emotive issues. Fewer people would object to you saying you won't have any alcohol/processed food/sugar/yellow objects in the house, even if your only reason for banning those things was 'I don't like them'.

🤷

I would feel exactly the same as you and would be having strong words! Sounds like you’ve always been very clear and this is v disrespectful from them. Optimistically, is it a chance for them to understand you and your objections with more even more clarity by talking it through?

This is really controlling and verging on abusive.

Indeed, but it’s always good to correct misinformation.

But here's the thing OP...they DO want it in fucking theirs! How very dare they? You really cannot compare this to smoking or vaping. Okay, obviously you can because you did but it really isn't a fair comparison.

And as a very wise PP pointed out, if they only eat it away from home chances are they're having less healthy versions.

Yes you are absolutely right to insist on no cross contamination, and obviously not to cook it yourself, but YAB 100% U to ban it from their home.

I would absolutely judge a parent who refused to let their independent teens have processed food, sugar, or yellow in their own home. Alcohol ok if none of the adults drink.