AIBU to keep reporting my sister over concerns for her children?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I live the other side of the country to my brother and sister, but keep in touch regularly with my brother and his family. My sister, however, doesn’t reply to any of my texts, won’t see me whenever I’m that way visiting etc.

The issue is she’s an alcoholic and she’s constantly in trouble. Shes 28 and has 4 kids, one of which is a new baby, and she’s back on the drink (and my brother thinks drugs too).

I get screenshots sent to me by one of my cousins who also lives near them, of things my sister is saying, videos of her drunk and fighting, just all the worst things.

My biggest worry is for those children. Both our parents were addicts and ended up dead before we were teenagers. I know how this goes. But my sister is refusing any kind of support from me (I’ve offered to take her to meetings, drs, just sit and have a cup of tea and a chat, everything).

It all came to a head earlier this year when I’d heard she was blind drunk the day after taking her new baby home and I decided to anonymously report her via crime stoppers. I felt awful but social services came over and by the sounds of it nothing was done.

She has since been out almost every weekend, keeps dropping the baby off at random peoples houses (according to my brother - she won’t let him have her because he’s so judgy she said), and last weekend ended up in a fight in front of her kids that led to a split lip and black eye.

Would IBU to keep reporting her? I know I’m not the only one that has but nothing seems to be happening. There must be a huge case spanning years, so why aren’t social protecting those children? And what can I do?

Those poor kids - good for you.

My advice would be:

1. Evidence. ANY videos/photos/calls/texts/voicemails that specifically refer to your sisters drinking/fighting/neglect, are evidence. Compile everything you can.
2. School. Contact the school and ask for a confidential meeting or call with the head. Lay out your concerns and actions to date and ask what they can do to support you. Do they have concerns? Have they got someone in school who could talk to the children and ask them how things are at home? Have they ever considered reporting? Empasise the confidentiality.
3. Some sort of diary. This will be tricky but between your bother and cousins, are you able to pull together a couple of weeks worth of a diary? EG: Monday: Sister bought 2 x bottles of wine. Baby dropped at neighbours. DC dropped with another neighbour. Tuesday: Sister at bar. Got into fight (see photo attached) and so on?

Even though it must be so frustrating, don't give up. You might be the person that saves these kids from a lifetime or damage and maybe even sets your sister on a better path. Thank God for people like you.

LADO is for allegations against professionals

Please keep fighting for those children.

I might up the pressure to a written complaint pointing out that you have a list of how many times she has been reported to social services and what for and that if one of her children is seriously harmed or heavens forbid dies, you will be releasing that information to the relevant authorities.

You won’t necessarily know whether something is being done or not though especially if you are reporting anonymously. If there are that many police call outs over fights etc they will have a picture building

just keep reporting with actual evidence if you have it

Who are the relevant authorities!?

Nonsense talk isn’t it

I'd be sending it to the head of Social Services and the Council member who has the portfolio for Social Services and my MP. Redacted of names in the first instance if I felt that was necessary.

Well yes.. if one of them dies or is seriously harmed, then yes. But the reports would all be there for the investigation to see that received and ignored

My cousin is a social worker but in a different country I often ask her questions about her job just out of curiosity really. Last time she mentioned the most serious cases referred usually come in from schools and are always treated as urgent. Talk to the children’s school about your concerns.

I adopted two children. The younger one was constantly handed over to family members, friends, neighbours. It left her with a super-friendliness to strangers, which has been incredibly difficult to shift. In her case, social services were involved - birth mum would hastily get baby back just before meetings. This went on for 6 months, but by then social services were being inundated with concerns from family, neighbours etc. Still they didn't act until there was a separate, catastrophic incident.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that handing her child to relative strangers is not ok and will probably have an impact longer term. But also it probably won't be enough to cause social services to act.

You think if something bad happened to a child in their area they wouldn't be aware!?

Yes this.
Please make the school aware.

They will follow up with social care too.

X

You are right to report her.

I don't know about children's SS, but with adults, when there was a safeguarding concern about my mum in hospital, the woman who rang me about it said they get so many busybody calls, strangers reporting something and nothing, that they're absolutely overwhelmed (her words). Family obviously know what's going on, and reporting serious concerns like yours is important.

This.

Report directly to social services. It's much more effective and they'll be able to act more directly on the concerns.

Social services is where it all ends up agree- report to children services- but you can do both. There are occasions where information is summarised and can loose it's impact- in my experience NSPCC give very full accounts. Either way you can be anonymous but no one can guarantee she won't figure it out. It's worth being prepared for that.

Thank you all. I’m going to sit down tonight and write out a timeline, gather all the evidence and then send a long email to her children’s school and social services detailing everything.

Those poor children. Given she is living like this and only 28, I imagine there will be another pregnancy next year. I wonder if she stays sober during these pregnancies.. Grim, so grim for these innocent little ones.

OP, keep reporting. She sounds like someone who shouldn't have possession of a cat, let alone 4 under 10.

I know I must not say things like this, but if she isn't a case for state forced sterilisation, I don't know what is.

Report ,write email.the children eed protection,she needs help .Is it worth contacting you MP and ask why. nothing is done or perhaps it is behind the scenes,keep trying the children are very vulnerable

Please report directly to social services and not anonymously. Be clear about who you are, why you are concerned and who are the direct witnesses to this behaviour. Keep reporting each time you have new information or ensure it is reported by the witnesses.
If you pass onto the school, it may confirm other information they already have and can support them in any referral they make, but sometimes if school then try to pass information on other then directly from the children, it can then be dismissed as school passing on hearsay.
Just remember without your sister’s consent and your consent, you are unlikely to get any feedback. This doesn’t mean social workers are not working with the family. Unless it reaches a point where they are actively looking to remove children and place with family or elsewhere (section 20 or PLO), it is easy for family members to be none the wiser about the extent of social care involvement. Equally, if the threshold for Child Protection (section 47) is not reached then your sister can refuse to engage with support at Early Help or Child in Need (section 17) level.

From what you describe I don’t think it matters whether you report what you hear or not. She’s known to social services and the police constantly go out to her- they know all
About her and likely more/ faster than you.

she’s got involvement, but that’s not the same as you seeing her children removed. That might happen in the future but for now she’s being given the chance

Social services will take your report farrrrrrrrrrrrr more seriously if you tell them you’re her sister! Not least because if it’s anonymous, your sister can just claim there’s a friend who’s being malicious! They get malicious reports all the time about people, so they’ll likely just disregard a lot of anonymous reports.

How much longer does she get though, while the children are suffering?

You can’t take that attitude with child protection unfortunately. It absolutely SHOULD work like how you’ve described, but sadly not as demonstrated so many times with these tragic events reported in the media. As many reports as possible are sadly required these days for them to do much of anything - and I’ve been in almost the exact same scenario as OP with my nephew’s mother. My entire family and FIVE neighbours were all reporting every month, yet SS were lapping up everything she told them, during their BOOKED visits to her….. You know, when she’d tidy the house, light scented candles and put on a face full of make up & her nicest outfit, whilst practicing her story all about how her ex-friend has turned everyone against her and is making malicious reports…….. Nothing was ever done until she nearly killed my nephew by throwing him down the stairs and he was admitted to hospital. I think myself and my family alone, made 64 reports in 18 months - zero action.
So yeah, aware they may well be, but it doesn’t mean they’ll act!