AIBU to keep reporting my sister over concerns for her children?

[Pipiscoming2023]

I live the other side of the country to my brother and sister, but keep in touch regularly with my brother and his family. My sister, however, doesn’t reply to any of my texts, won’t see me whenever I’m that way visiting etc.

The issue is she’s an alcoholic and she’s constantly in trouble. Shes 28 and has 4 kids, one of which is a new baby, and she’s back on the drink (and my brother thinks drugs too).

I get screenshots sent to me by one of my cousins who also lives near them, of things my sister is saying, videos of her drunk and fighting, just all the worst things.

My biggest worry is for those children. Both our parents were addicts and ended up dead before we were teenagers. I know how this goes. But my sister is refusing any kind of support from me (I’ve offered to take her to meetings, drs, just sit and have a cup of tea and a chat, everything).

It all came to a head earlier this year when I’d heard she was blind drunk the day after taking her new baby home and I decided to anonymously report her via crime stoppers. I felt awful but social services came over and by the sounds of it nothing was done.

She has since been out almost every weekend, keeps dropping the baby off at random peoples houses (according to my brother - she won’t let him have her because he’s so judgy she said), and last weekend ended up in a fight in front of her kids that led to a split lip and black eye.

Would IBU to keep reporting her? I know I’m not the only one that has but nothing seems to be happening. There must be a huge case spanning years, so why aren’t social protecting those children? And what can I do?

Keep reporting to Social Care. How old are the children? If at school, report there too.

Sorry that you're in this situation. I think you're doing the right thing by reporting

They are 8, 6, 3 and 6 months

I didn’t think about reporting to the school, will do that too, thank you

Agree reporting to the school will hopefully help to make a difference here too.

I'd imagine the school already knows about your sister, if she takes the children to school, or collects them, when she's drunk.

Report is directly to social services and don't do it anonymously. Reporting to crime stoppers is a strange route and the school will just send the information to social services - it will be much more useful to them if you speak to them directly yourself and share your concerns - all of them.

This is a very difficult situation for you @Pipiscoming2023

Has your sister got a husband?

I think that as bad as she is she’s still acting as a somewhat responsible adult by trying to palm off the kids on someone else and the social see worse.

I’m not disputing its bad but there are such severe ramifications from taking children from the mother, and the social will ignore lots to keep the kids in the family home.

Especially if there are supportive family members. Care is bad, I worked with young offenders, most come from care or severe neglect like no parent at home.

If it was me I’d be looking at other family members to form a support group around her for the kids, take them one weekend out of four. Are there other family members who would do that ?

Definitely talk to school about how early help can support her

You can also report to NSPCC or the LADO for her area

Each and every time - report her

They can only help if she is willing to see an issue and accept it.

I fully agree about reporting things and contacting the school however I also agree with the previous poster who said in terms of social services I can well see it not meeting their threshold for support which is rediculously high sadly because they are so stretched.

Are you reporting anonymously? You need to contact the relevant social services dept and ask to speak to someone giving your name

We have all offered to help with the kids, my brother and my cousin have said they’d have the new baby whenever she needs a break but she refuses.

She doesn’t have a husband and the kids have 2 different dads who are both drug dealers and in/out of her life sporadically.

No other family unfortunately as our aunt (cousin’s mum) now lives in Spain and everyone else has passed away.

I’m scared of her finding out about me reporting which is why I don’t use my name. She once smashed up my husbands car because we wouldn’t give her thousands of pounds to get out of debt (a big reason why we moved to the other side of the country).

I appreciate all the responses, thank you. I will keep reporting and doing what I can.

Is your brother also reporting ? It sounds like what you are reporting is second hand which may not be helping

@Rainqueens my brother and cousin have told me they’ve reported things too. The police are there every other weekend and she was also recently in hospital for alcohol poisoning and didn’t know where her baby was (she was at a neighbours house it turned out). I just thought social would’ve done something about all of this!

But you can’t assume that. And if she is turning up drunk school should be reporting it to social care. Every time. Or she’s good at hiding it, who knows.

Definitely phone social care and keep reporting. It blows my mind what social services ignore and deem acceptable. I say this as a children’s nurse who sees all sorts of shit.

School’s safeguarding team or email should be on their website.

If you can do peak to a niece or nephew tell them to tell their teacher once they are back at school. Those poor DC.

How sure are you that everything you hear is true? For all you know, your brother could be a compulsive liar. If your sister had actually been drunk when social services visited her, I would have expected that to trigger further assessment or support rather than simply being ignored. The fact that there appears to have been so little follow-up makes me question whether things are really as bad as your brother is making them sound.

More likely the social workers aren't doing their jobs properly. In my experience it takes many visits before anything is done. It does not mean anyone is lying or that things aren't that bad.

Because I used to live a few roads away from her and have seen it firsthand. I’m not sure my brother and my cousin would be fabricating videos of her fighting people in the street. What an odd response.

All your reports have based on hearsay from a relative

the relative who is actually seeing all this should be the one to report

What’s odd is why they aren’t reporting her

Not everyone wants to get involved.

You are doing the right thing op. If your sister is fine there's nothin for her to worry about. Keep reporting.

I have said in a PP that they have reported her. I’m also reporting her. I also know one of her neighbours, a lovely older lady who used to feed our cats, has also made several reports.

AND the police have made multiple visits and she’s been in hospital several times.

What’s odd is that nothing is being done still.