AIBU to reconsider France wedding trip after finding children excluded?

[Tribeof4]

Bit of background… My brother got married around 18 months ago in a small ceremony in the UK. It was always the intention for them to have a wedding celebration later down the line.

4 months ago, my brother announced the second wedding would take place in France next month. Verbal invite only so no written info. We weighed it up and agreed to take the children (8/10) out of school as we felt it was an exceptional circumstance. I work in education so I am also having to take leave in exceptional circumstances, which I’m very fortunate my school have supported.

We have just received details in writing in which it has become clear children are not welcome at the meal (4 hours). Children are required to be looked after by babysitters at our expense. They have their own younger children who are less ready to sit at a table for extended periods than our own.

We choose not to send our children to kids clubs and only do things with them if they can be included. AIBU to say, in light of the arrangements, we choose not to bring them (DH would stay at home with them as the rest of the family are at the wedding)? I feel I can’t justify taking them out of school for a couple of hours worth of ceremony/drinks.

@samarrange it depends really.
Ive always had the dcs at our table for family meals etc…
But weddings, quite a few times, the children were looked after by a baby sitter (incl babies less than 1yo) whilst parents were having a meal.

EDIT to add: I’m French too. I think how people do things can vary from one group t9 the next.

I think it's cheeky to invite them, with the expense, and they aren't invited to the whole thing and then to add to it you have to pay for a babysitter.

Also in the “it’s not a wedding” camp.
I ACTUALLY got married in France. You can only do it legally in a mairie (town hall). Religious weddings are not legal. Weddings in any other location (e.g. outdoors) are not legal either. You can do them, but they have no legal weight. Definitely not worth pulling your kids out of school for. They are already married!!

I'd swerve this one. They are already married.

Or go yourself if DH can get the children to and from school and get himself to work without it being a logistical nightmare.

It’s not a wedding. They are already married. I bet she said it was a wedding when she asked for the time though.

YANBU. I’m having a child-free wedding abroad (my own children will be on site with a nanny throughout) but I did give guests over a year notice and made a point of explaining that children are not invited on the save-the-dates so people wouldn’t start planning a family trip only to realise later that they couldn’t bring their children/would need their own babysitter. I think especially since it’s your brother he should have given you this detail up front, how else are you supposed to know who is invited and make your arrangements?! They’re entitled to their child free wedding, you’re entitled to make arrangements that suit your family. I know some of my close friends won’t end up coming to my wedding due to childcare arrangements. I knew that was a risk when I made these specific plans and that’s absolutely fine with me, I wouldn’t want them to do something that didn’t work for their family to attend my party.