To think if you hate kids you shouldn’t have become a parent?

[SlappyHap]

I see so much of “I hate kids, I only like my own” on here, and I just think it’s awful.

You became a parent but you will actively hate your children’s friends, school mates, any other child running round and playing with your child in the park/play area etc.? How on earth do you cope in child/family oriented settings?

If you hate kids (apart from your own) why did you become a parent?

That’s such a myth.

From someone with Italian in laws who lived with them there for three years.

Oh come off it OP. I love children I’m related to /have given birth to- because there’s a bond, love and duty but do I want random peoples children I don’t know coming up to me with wotsit covered hands? No. Nor would I want to pretend to love or adore any other stranger. Other people’s kids are strangers.

It's the active bit. Eg if you were actively dieting it means you're actually doing something to lose weight like exercise, reduce food etc However, if someone just said they were dieting it kind of sounds less proactive imo.

Maybe they didn't find children annoying until they had them and had to be around them constantly?

I had no issues with kids when I was younger and even thought I wanted several at one point - 10 years later I am eternally grateful I never had a child and now find them intensely annoying.

I tend to like all kids - though some badly behaved ones do try me and that seems to be getting worse out in public more due to lax parenting I think.

However never got cooing over babies - thought it would be 12 months of meh till they got to an interesting phase but I loved them from the off they were individuals from word go and totally aborbing.

If you go through pg as a women to parenthood - your brain gets re-wired it causes a profound, structured reduction in gray matter volume and cortical thickness—affecting up to 80% to 94% of brain regions by about 4% to 5%—while simultaneously strengthening white-matter integrity and neural connectivity. Basically nature makes sure the mother carrying the child is change to look after it.

I think more generally it's hard to know what parenting is like till you are doing it.

One of the few mothers I knew who regretted having a child had always worked with kids nanny to preschool teacher - and thought she knew more than most what she was getting into - she hated it though she still did a great job.

I don’t necessarily dislike children, but I do find them annoying and draining. I also find they can be fascinating, clever, funny and very cute. Like all humans it depends on the kid.

Now mine are grown I actively avoid places there will be loads of kids like playgrounds, theme parks, soft play centres etc. I had kids because I wanted kids. I love babies, find toddlers equally frustrating, tiring and charming, primary age are when their personalities really start to develop, and then as teens when they solidify their tastes in music, clothes, politics etc is the absolute best time.

I'm not bothered and in few cases do dislike some kids I am related to but who are not mine ie wider family I share DNA with.

I don’t hate kids, I am just not remotely interested in children that aren’t related to me. I would prefer it if I didn’t have to listen to them shouting on trains etc.

I don’t like most adults either though.

I love my DDs and my nieces and nephews, but I’m not particularly interested in other people’s DC. I don’t dislike them, though. I generally find drunk adults far more annoying.

I bet you’re the kind of person who lets their kids run amok in a cafe and acts surprised when other people aren’t happy about how “vulnerable and curious” they are

Id be an appalling parent. I don't even notice children unless they're crying or I'm about to trip over them.

Sometimes you don't realise how annoying other kids are until having your own exposes you to them in large numbers.
Most childfree people don't spend their time at soft play, kids parties, in family orientated holiday resorts in mid August or have a conveyor belt of children passing through their home making a mess, being cheeky and turning their noses up at the food you offer them.
Having your own children also makes bad behaviour from other people's even more annoying if you are a person who works hard to stop your own child from behaving in annoying ways.

Just a memory, I did love my kids' pals when they were teens. Those, I do tend to bond with, & remember how they responded when I called them by a pet name.. so sad that some of them had never had anything like that, & lapped the attention up..

Little kids no.12 upwards yes

People don't dislike children per se.

They dislike the badly behaved ones.

I relate very much to most of this!

I love my adult kids and grandchildren, but not keen on other peoples offspring. But, I can’t see any reason to love all kids - some are feral and badly behaved. 🙄

I couldn't even bear to be in the same room as other peoples' children. Still can't.

I knew my children would be the best there ever were. And I was correct.

Because I knew that having my own children would be different. Surely that's obvious?

Children also aren't children forever, they grow up. I wasn't going to avoid becoming a parent because I'm not keen on babies when the baby stage is over so quickly.

When some of my friends had second babies I got asked about being broody, but I just looked at the babies and realised how bloody BORING they all were! I didn't feel it at the time, but I find the idea of wanting another newborn for the sake of a newborn was crackers.

I think parents forget if they feel that way then, everybody probably hates their kids too.

I hazard a guess that most people aren't being 100% serious when they come out with that sort of thing...

Why? Because we are animals and animals have a very strong instinct to reproduce.
And generally not a lot of love towards the offspring of other members of their species either. 🤷‍♀️

I enjoy most children. They’re people, and I have a genuine interest in people. If other people’s children come up to me to show me rock or a toy, I find it an honor. Small
kids are often skittish and silent. If I’m not busy, I’m delighted with their ideas and stories, same as I am with adults. Again, they’re just people. Now, some children are obnoxious pests. I don’t like them. I find liking only your own children, and no others at all very sour and strange. What a closed off, joyless way to live.

When MNers make comments about not being able to stand other people's kids it often comes across to me as a performative 'I'm not like those other basic moms' kind of thing.