To think if you hate kids you shouldn’t have become a parent?

[SlappyHap]

I see so much of “I hate kids, I only like my own” on here, and I just think it’s awful.

You became a parent but you will actively hate your children’s friends, school mates, any other child running round and playing with your child in the park/play area etc.? How on earth do you cope in child/family oriented settings?

If you hate kids (apart from your own) why did you become a parent?

I don't hate kids but I am not a huge fan of them as a general group. generlaly noisy and a bit annoying
However there are some I like, some I don't and if they are The Dc's friends I tolerate them and am nice to them.
I don't understand people who can love/hate any group of people - surely it should be each one on their own merits?

Like PP, I dislike a large proportion of adults too so I am at least consistent.

I didn’t really realise how annoying children are until I had my own and had to spend all my time with them. Or more accurately, I didn’t realise how sensitive I am to noise and mess and how much I need my own space, until I had children. We got through the early years. I nearly lost my sanity several times but we all survived. They’re young adults now and delightful company. I try not to spend time in places where there are a lot of children about. It’s just the relentless noise I find hard to bear. I also glaze over when people talk endlessly about their kids (with the exception of my nieces and nephews and the children of very close friends). I don’t hate children, but they do trigger great irritation in me with their noise and chaos. I do best in very quiet, calm environments.

I don’t like some kids the way I don’t like some adults. In an office setting there will be adults I don’t like and avoid; in the same way at the playground there will be kids I don’t like and avoid.

I really don't like being with other people's children frankly play dates were torture for me. I ensured them and was friendly and kind to my children's friends always but it felt like a chore.

The kids usually come from those same adults.

Ha! I think people who genuinely hate kids tend not to have them - at least these days, and especially women who hate kids.
I adore my daughter and some of her little nursery pals, but others don't gel with my personality. Oliver, aged 3, is my tiny little nemesis, and I'm sure I am not one of his favourite adults either.

Whilst some surely admire his spontaneity, wild spirit, and authenticity; I find him loud, showy, and irritating. I wouldn't be mean to him, but when my daughter spots Oliver in the playground on a Saturday my heart sinks and I know it's going to end in tears because he's a tiny menace /spirited. 🤣

Oh yes, and unfortunately they are also my next door neighbours!

The reality is that we are (fortunately) programmed to love and protect the children we give birth to. This ensures their survival.

[Yes, some parents don't manage to love and protect their DC and that's unfortunate but luckily unusual].

However, there's no biological reason for us to have the same protective feelings for other people's children. And that's why we generally find them to be intrusive, noisy and annoying.

I like kids. Never had any (been pregnant). Life. Most kids I see with their parents, nowadays, even shock horror in the park or say at a child friendly place (museum?) are you know, kids? Some are friendly, funny and so on, they have a range of emotions. Some have more intelligence and maturity seemingly than their caregivers (teachers and so on). Some parents who look to be not parenting well (eg letting kids run wild), well it could be bad parenting but they could also be having an off day or have ND or other issues children. Don’t judge.

My own experience of kids in my family (and I’ve posted here), I could be a bit strict with my nephew, now I’m not. My younger other 2.5 year old nephew is adorable but hates me touching his cars or asking about what he’s up to! His mum is a gentle parent but she has her limits and gets cross as does eg my stepdad (he’s lovely with the kids but the older can really test him sometimes and jump on the sofas).

The parents who shouldn’t have had kids. Maybe they thought it would be better than it is. Maybe the parents are damaged and can’t parent. Perhaps the child was a mistake and they shouldn’t have had the child but had no choice. Life is infinitely harder eg if you’re poor or rich or even working class. Again, don’t judge.

Live and let live is what I say.

I don't particular like people full stop so kids are no exception except for my own.
Anyone wants to get upset about that, it's not my problem and I'm not bothered what others think of my pov.
You asked OP - people are telling you how it is.

If someone insisted on bringing their random mate to get togethers, and that mate insisted we spent all the time in the park, would choose food then leave it all, contribute nothing to the bill, whilst regularly interrupting the conversation, and your actual friend kept looking at them fondly and talking about their poo, you'd think that friend was actually fucking insane.

And I gave birth to a delightfully easy child who fetches me things, puts his clothes in the washing machine, stands out of the way for strangers at not quite 3, minds his P&Qs and loves to tidy. Most people coo over him politely ordering food in cafes or saying "let's share!" to the other kids, but I STILL respect other people's right to find him annoying.

(Karma owes me a hell of a teenager from this one.)

I bet the parents think the sun shines out of his arse though, that sort generally do.

What they mean is that they hate other peoples badly behaved, poorly raised kids. I mean what's to like? They're messy, unhygienic, have no manners, poor boundaries, add in badly behaved and there's really not a lot going for them.

I like MY kids who have been brought up to behave to my standards and their friends/cousins who are mostly nice kids.

But you can't say to people 'I do like kids but yours are brats because your parenting is shit.' So it's politer just to give a blanket statement that you just don't particularly like kids.

Children are just younger versions of adults. Im not obliged to find all adults nice or lovely, and similarly I dont love all kids!
My own kids had many instances when they were little when they were annoying, whinging etc and because Im their mum I can try and address their behaviour, and to a point, grin and bear it, until it passes. Its generally more annoying when you only encounter that aspect of other children and dont know (if) they have nicer moments!

My kids have always had friends round , some were really sweet, others were loud, rude, bad mannered and annoying! Some improved over time and thankfully some friendships drifted apart.

Yesterday I went out to a restaurant. There was a loud, annoying family who seemed to think everyone needed to know their business. Both the dad and son (who was 8) were swearing/using bad language. I imagine if I met the kids on their own id probably find them pretty irritating!

Just because they're vulnerable and curious and innocent doesn't mean they can't be noisy and irritating 😁

Not a fan of kids but knew id love my own. I do nd find them fab. I just have super low tolerance for anyone else's

@SlappyHap

I hate to break it to you but we're mammals, and mammals don't often view other offspring favourably. In fact (and I quote) "Females in many species view strange offspring as rivals for food and space, sometimes attacking or killing them." Now this doesn't generally happen in human society it's true, but neither are we particularly programmed to care for, or welcome, other human offspring the same way as we do our own. It's nature and the way of the world.

'Actively disliking' children implies someone is going round harming children fgs. I agree if you live your life harming children then it's not a good idea to have any.
However, finding children annoying is not the same as actively disliking them is it? You aren't being active in your dislike you're just considering an opinion.

Do you love every adult? Do you want every other human being getting up in your business, randomly touching you and expecting you to pay attention to them no matter how revolting they are? If the answer is no then why are you an adult human.

No one’s upset 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I don't have children and never will, but I've become less tolerant of them the older I've become (and I'm only in my thirties 😂).

They're noisy, sticky, irritating and irrational - and I was much more tolerant of that when I was younger, now I just want them not to touch me.

'Actively disliking' children implies someone is going round harming children fgs

No it doesn’t 🤣

It means you’re making a clear conscious effort to show or express strong disapproval and aversion. Which is what some people do.

I mean no one yet who dislikes children instead of their own has been able to tell me why they became a parent. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My husband isn’t a fan of other peoples children. He doesn’t hate them just a bit socially awkward around them. Other peoples parenting can make other peoples children not nice to be around too.

He loves our children and is an amazing father / partner. I wouldn’t change him for the world.

I think it depends how much a person tolerates the general population, I’m much more extroverted while my husband is introverted which plays a part I think too.

How does actively disliking someone imply harming them? That's a very odd connection to make. Do you frequently hurt people you dislike? Because, personally I just avoid them.

I actively dislike Brussel sprouts but I'm not marching round tesco with a masher, destroying every sprout in my path.

Id think it was way more weird if you liked other peoples kids more than your own!

Its nature to protect and love your own off-spring (and that can be pretty challenging at times!!) but its fairly normal not to feel the same about some random kids you encountered at the park/supermarket/cafe.
Of course if a child was in danger I think most people would step in to protect them....but im not sure we have to like children as a homogeneous group.

Im surprised how many people on MN actively dislike "school mums" despite by virtue of having a school aged child, they are one ...because essentially they are just people, some you'll get on with, some you wont, and some might be annoying. Same with any group, including children!