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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if you hate kids you shouldn’t have become a parent?

129 replies

SlappyHap · Yesterday 00:51

I see so much of “I hate kids, I only like my own” on here, and I just think it’s awful.

You became a parent but you will actively hate your children’s friends, school mates, any other child running round and playing with your child in the park/play area etc.? How on earth do you cope in child/family oriented settings?

If you hate kids (apart from your own) why did you become a parent?

OP posts:
Boreded · Yesterday 00:53

Because as much as we say it, we don’t actually ‘hate’ kids, we just don’t want to be around ones that we aren’t related to or that we haven’t got to know (like our kids friends)

SlappyHap · Yesterday 00:55

Boreded · Yesterday 00:53

Because as much as we say it, we don’t actually ‘hate’ kids, we just don’t want to be around ones that we aren’t related to or that we haven’t got to know (like our kids friends)

Why though?

They are so vulnerable and curious and innocent. I find that so sad.

OP posts:
Boreded · Yesterday 00:58

SlappyHap · Yesterday 00:55

Why though?

They are so vulnerable and curious and innocent. I find that so sad.

Because they’re also noisy, messy, annoying.

its the same with everything in life, some are good and some are bad. I don’t really care when people tell me about their kids unless I’m actually close with them, because I’m just not emotionally invested. I’ll still smile and pretend, but it’s no different than if I sat and told someone about a hobby I have, they don’t care but they’ll humour me.

ColdAsAWitches · Yesterday 00:59

Maybe we didn't hate kids until we had them! And then realized how ungrateful,expensive, dirty, germ-laden and infuriating they are.

MrsTrellisOgleddCymru · Yesterday 01:00

If you had some of the charming individuals that live in my area around you, I don't think vulnerable, curious and innocent would be the correct adjectives to use!

HeddaGarbled · Yesterday 01:00

They are so …… innocent

Do you know any children?

calflions · Yesterday 01:03

Agree, I can't see why anyone could dislike kids as a group. The needs they show, their behaviours , what they demand of you - it's what makes you an adult, engaging with them with grace. To understand how they are developing is to understand how you yourself developed. They are hilarious and interpret the world in endlessly rich ways.
And it's a moral question - we should all strive to go at the pace of the most vulnerable.

I'm afraid I judge people who dislike kids as not really having grown up themselves, as they sigh and get huffy, they can't handle younger people having more important needs which must be met before their own.

kittenkipping · Yesterday 01:16

Oh god. I cannot stand kids. I will leave a restaurant, cross the street, politely decline any event with them in. I don’t hate them. I intend no harm to them. Much like people who don’t like cats. I will be kind, polite, and caring to one I come across, but I wouldn’t choose that. I love my children, though whilst I adored the baby stage- toddler through child was hard . I didn’t enjoy it. Teens, now, teens I LOVE. They are interesting engaging and thoughtful. They have lost the tedium of childhood. Of course they are challenging but in a stimulating way. But when people announce their hatred of teenagers that’s socially acceptable.

Switcher · Yesterday 01:16

Well I also hate 60% of adults, and since presumably 60% of those kids will become adults one day...🤷

calflions · Yesterday 01:17

kittenkipping · Yesterday 01:16

Oh god. I cannot stand kids. I will leave a restaurant, cross the street, politely decline any event with them in. I don’t hate them. I intend no harm to them. Much like people who don’t like cats. I will be kind, polite, and caring to one I come across, but I wouldn’t choose that. I love my children, though whilst I adored the baby stage- toddler through child was hard . I didn’t enjoy it. Teens, now, teens I LOVE. They are interesting engaging and thoughtful. They have lost the tedium of childhood. Of course they are challenging but in a stimulating way. But when people announce their hatred of teenagers that’s socially acceptable.

But you didn't used to be a cat.

SlappyHap · Yesterday 01:24

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Boreded · Yesterday 02:37

Switcher · Yesterday 01:16

Well I also hate 60% of adults, and since presumably 60% of those kids will become adults one day...🤷

Only 60%

Boreded · Yesterday 02:39

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SlappyHap · Yesterday 03:22

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Timeforachange26 · Yesterday 10:21

kittenkipping · Yesterday 01:16

Oh god. I cannot stand kids. I will leave a restaurant, cross the street, politely decline any event with them in. I don’t hate them. I intend no harm to them. Much like people who don’t like cats. I will be kind, polite, and caring to one I come across, but I wouldn’t choose that. I love my children, though whilst I adored the baby stage- toddler through child was hard . I didn’t enjoy it. Teens, now, teens I LOVE. They are interesting engaging and thoughtful. They have lost the tedium of childhood. Of course they are challenging but in a stimulating way. But when people announce their hatred of teenagers that’s socially acceptable.

Yeah give me teens any day.

They are interesting, have views of their own they can speak about and plans if things to do.

Holeymoley28 · Yesterday 10:27

Because I like my children and I tend to like my friend’s children.

But most other children are at best annoying. Not necessarily their fault but their parents
ineffective parenting.

Shrieking children, children running riot in shops, children who are parented so gently that they are just a pain in the ass getting anyway with everything.

Children who have zero parenting being arseholes.

Palomiino · Yesterday 10:29

I completely agree - YANBU. I don’t know how anyone can hate children. I think some people have kids just so that they have a potential future carer for themselves.

Svelty · Yesterday 10:33

I don’t think our culture in particular is very pro child. There is a general cultural sense that they should be ‘seen and not heard’. Other cultures seem to be more prone to liking and engaging with other people’s kids, they just seem to have a more central place. It is a bit sad I agree.

UniquePinkSwan · Yesterday 10:34

SlappyHap · Yesterday 00:55

Why though?

They are so vulnerable and curious and innocent. I find that so sad.

Round my way they are a massive pain in the arse that cause no end of trouble. Even the young ones.

Palomiino · Yesterday 10:38

Svelty · Yesterday 10:33

I don’t think our culture in particular is very pro child. There is a general cultural sense that they should be ‘seen and not heard’. Other cultures seem to be more prone to liking and engaging with other people’s kids, they just seem to have a more central place. It is a bit sad I agree.

I agree. In Italy, all children tend to be cherished from what I’ve observed. It’s an us problem 😂

Velumental · Yesterday 10:40

SlappyHap · Yesterday 00:55

Why though?

They are so vulnerable and curious and innocent. I find that so sad.

Do you have children? Sometimes when your own children consume you to such an extent your main thought about other kids is thank God they're not my responsibility.

And I love kids and always have. But with my own intense kids I'm not open to loving all kids for the sake of it right now. Would I always grab a kid who'd skinned their knees or whatever and offer sympathy etc absolutely I would.

EmailsaysOOO · Yesterday 10:43

Didn't know this was a thing. Mine are all grown up so these days so I would say that I hate the noise some kids make, eg when you're on a plane and trying to get some sleep..

But to actually say that you hate kids, then I think there's something amiss there. That's just weird. How can you hate a group of people you don't know..You wouldn't say you hate the Irish, you hate blacks, you hate women. To hate an entire demographic seems just wrong. That's a failing on the part of whoever says that.

MrsShawnHatosy · Yesterday 10:44

Palomiino · Yesterday 10:38

I agree. In Italy, all children tend to be cherished from what I’ve observed. It’s an us problem 😂

They are also expected to behave in public places and not be a nuisance to adults.

PollyBell · Yesterday 10:50

To think there is no blanket rule that everyone has to fiollow, if people spent more time on their own lives and less coming up with a rule everyone has to follow, just because they have thought about it, then would be less issues in the world?

Screamingabdabz · Yesterday 10:50

It’s a bit like dogs though - they’re inherently innocent but if their owner is an irresponsible dick, their animal can be really annoying and imposing on other people.

Same with children - most people don’t ‘hate’ children, they just find their behaviour and habits unlikeable and irritating. That’s why good parenting is so important to society.