AIBU to think his solo holiday plans are selfish?

[Sam17062002]

For some background context, I have taken mine and my partners children on holiday twice. Once last year for a week and once this year for 10 nights. Both times my partner has opted out in coming due to personal extended family issues.
now my partner has decided he wants to go away in October for a week on his own to “somewhere with a sunbed where he can do nothing” am I being unreasonable in thinking this is selfish? Me and my partner have already been away for a weekend without the children and he has actually never been away with the kids.
I know I probably haven’t explained this the best but I am feeling annoyed that he thinks it’s acceptable to go away without even considering me or the kids

From the information you have put in the OP he is being so completely beyond unreasonable, I can't help wondering if you are missing out some information?

I mean, going on what's written, this can't even be a question, surely ?
He is so obviously BVVVVU

A holiday on your own is fine. A holiday on your own when you refuse to participate in family holidays and leave your partner to manage the kids is not OK. If he wants to get away and lay by the pool solo he needs to lift his game and participate in family holidays.

This is my first ever thread so please bare with me as I’m not good at explaining things, however no I have not missed anything out it is exactly how it’s put. I don’t think I am being unreasonable but it seems that my partners reaction says otherwise and I am questioning myself

You must have missed something out though. How can ‘personal extended family issues’ stop him traveling with his kids, but not alone or with his partner?

It’s because in plenty of cases what he wants to do would be fine. In the context of leaving you to use all your holiday time managing family holidays on your own it is not OK.

Maybe tell him you wouldn’t mind a solo holiday of your own and see what he says to that.

I'd say sure. I'll go for a week and you can go when I come back.

My partner and my children’s grandparents don’t have a relationship due to many reasons breaking any sort of relationship they had over time but just to clarify that my partners has just not wanted to go, as I asked him both times to come, although i don’t disregard that was probably part of the reason.

Omg sorry no absolutely not.... your partner is being an extremely selfish f*er....

Some people do go away without their family. Often with friends, and there isn't really any difference whether they go alone or with friends, personally I would prefer to spend my precious leave and money on going with my family. But maybe I'm wrong, as lots of people do, and I guess if both partners are ok with it, then it's fine. I'm more like you and think if you choose to have a family, unless you've got lots of spare time and money, then holiday with them.

You have explained it fine, and you are right: he is opting out of parenting his children decently and letting you pick up the slack. Selfish is spot on.

Are you doing most of the care at home for your own and his kids as well? He sounds incredibly selfish.

I would be absolutely fine him going away on his own or with friends had he taken the time to go away with me and the children, I think that is what is bugging me so much about it as he could’ve at least asked if we wanted to go with him because our kids are young and love playing in the pool all day or going to the beach, I personally would never go on a holiday without them unless I’d taken them away first.

@Sam17062002 that would absolutely not happen in my life.
Get rid of the clown.
Oh my days.

I am the default parent, I am the one who keeps things running, there has been alot of conflict in the past between us due to multiple reasons including me having to be the one who remembers everything whilst looking after 3 young children

But why are you looking after his dc, without him ?

Would he go on holiday with you & the children if your parents weren’t going?

I mean you can’t stop him from going on his solo holiday, same as he can’t stop you ending the relationship!!

he is being so selfish, tell him you will book your own trip for a week away solo & he can be default parent for a week

@Sensiblesal I know he will be going on this holiday regardless of what my opinion is on it.
i did ask him last year if we could book a holiday just me, him and the children for this year and pay it off monthly but I got hit back with financial issues, however we do both work and we disagreed as it’s more affordable to pay overtime then all at once

@JustGiveMeReason there’s has been many occasions where he has moved back into his mums house or he’s worked alot but it’s more so the having to remember every appointment or when the kids need new clothes or taking them somewhere as simple as the park etc

Who is going to watch is children while he is on this solo holiday?

So he’s a useless waste of space then basically.

I can't believe what I am reading! Absolutely not ok to stay home while you go on holiday with all the kids and then expect a relaxing holiday on his own. That is not what being a family is about. Honestly if it were my husband I would be changing the locks if he went.

I have taken mine and my partners children on holiday twice

Are the children yours together, or are some of them your step children? I can’t quite understand.

OP, I hope I'm wrong about this, but could the reason he's backed out of going on holiday with you and the kids, be that he has another woman in the background, who he's been able to see easily, with you and the kids being out of the way? If so, maybe his reason for wanting a 'solo' holiday, is actually that he's planning on a nice holiday away with her, rather than with you and the children?

Also, I'm a little confused, you refer to the children and being 'mine and my partner's', do you mean that you and he are the parents of all 3 children, or does he have children with someone else, who you've also taken away with you?

Either way, you are not being unreasonable, as a man who refuses to holiday with his partner and children, but then takes a 'solo' holiday while his partner stay's home and takes care of everything, is a selfish arsehole, and in your shoes, I would be showing him the door.

So whilst he’s on his date with a sun bed who will be caring for his children?

He doesn’t sound particularly invested in family life and is almost certainly taking the absolute Michael out of you.

I’d be reconsidering this relationship.

You sound like a lovely step mum, do they live with you full time? Don’t be a mug tho.

Spot on.