To increasingly feel like men are more of a hindrance than anything else

[Windiscrazytoday]

They are responsible for so many evils in the world in comparison to females
The females I know are just so much more capable and emotionally stable
I love Dh but often find myself helping him to regulate his emotions or balancing things on days out to keep the mood good for the Dc
My father, I adore, but my mother's life has not been easy with him in many aspects

Is this a peri/late 40's thing?

Feel like I'm seeing how things really are and it isn't great

I know some wonderful men and some awful women. I love my partner, my father and my brother. But I do understand what you're saying OP.

I work supporting survivors of domestic and sexual violence so I see the worst of men on a daily basis but the thing that makes me lose faith in men is the consistent low level misdemeanors of normal, "decent" men.

I think that a huge amount of men are just not good romantic partners to women. They can be great at work, great friends, colleagues or siblings but a lot of the time they just don't step up in the way we need them to as partners/husbands/coparents.

I have a lot of male friends, they're great friends and colleagues but I wouldn't date any of them and I feel sorry for their partners. On a recent night out 4 out of 7 of my male friends said they would dump their partner if she stopped giving blow jobs. 2 of them said they would dump her if she refused anal and 3 of the 7 are open to children but refuse to marry their partner.

I think that over centuries men have been taught to put their own needs first, while women have been taught to put their needs last, after their children, their husband and their family.

I know not all men are like this and I'm definitely not saying all women are saints, but this is what I've experienced personally.

Not in my experience. My dad was an equal partner in the home, as was my ex-husband, and my current partner is in the kitchen baking bread and making stew for when I finish work 🤷‍♀️

Sorry that happened to you, truly x
My post was in response to the there being no decent men.
Do you agree with that?

How is my response victim blaming?
That poster said there are no decent men, that is completely and utterly untrue.
Do you not have any good men in your life/family?

I think you are right, I do think in this day and age women have so much more to offer than men in general and for women living with a man is usually just a lot of extra work both mentally and physically. It can be worth it but so very often it isn't.

I am married to a good man but looking back at prior relationships or even just other men I know the odds of finding a good man who isn't a liability in some way is just so low and I see so many women I know with quite frankly shitty men who really contribute nothing except more work and suffering for the woman. So many have issues with addictions, porn use, cheating, abusive behaviours, emotional unavailability, spending excessive amounts of time and money on hobbies that allow them to checkout of family responsibilities.

Then there are the men who do truly heinous things to women sexual abuse, violence, drugging and allowing other men to rape them, even seeking rapists out, or they manipulate and force women into sleeping with other men or otherwise centre their own sexual desires and fetishes over the basic dignity and rights of women.

We know too much these days and it makes it hard to see men in a neutral way as even a guy you know who seems lovely could be abusing his wife in someway or engaging in who knows what behaviours that harm women or children.

Even so many of the men I knew when I was younger who I liked or even went out with revealed themselves over time to be total shits. I truly regret any of the time I spend crying over anything a man or trying to win is approval, total waste of time and energy.

Be prepared for the the 'NAMALT' brigade to come on.

They have already been on - quite a few of them!

Well they do say that when a man and woman live together the man gains additional life years, and the woman’s are reduced.

But then I was getting into my car last week and a woman on the street chased me down to ask her if I could open her drink. Lid jammed shut. I looked at her and then said I doubt I can do any better. Then I remembered, and proclaimed ‘I have a man’. Knocked on the door and presented the lady to DP.

We all went on with our lives happily 🤣

This is not a debate. I stand by what I said and do not have to explain who I have in my life lol.

Victim blamer.

So name those women and the counties which they are head of and the dates of these wars.

Don’t be so bloody lazy and Google it yourself.

🤣

Thank you.

That pp said 'very few men' are decent human beings, and percentage-wise, I think she's right – depending on how you define 'decent' of course.

I think around 20% of men in the western world are truly decent – wouldn't use force to assert their will if there were no consequences, wouldn't mistreat (rape/hit/control) women if there were no consequences, don't feel entitled to their partner's body, don't watch porn, wouldnt go to a strip club or use a prostitute, and do pull their weight around the house.

That's a lot of men numbers-wise, but a smaller percent. I base it off statistics around porn viewing, surveys and studies that have asked about men's attitudes towards women, and what they would do if there was no consequence, and so on, and 20% seems roughly right.

I'm lucky enough to have one of that 20% as my DH, and I very much hope my DS will be one of that 20% with what we've taught him (so far, so good), but most men I've encountered in life have not been decent, sadly.