To increasingly feel like men are more of a hindrance than anything else

[Windiscrazytoday]

They are responsible for so many evils in the world in comparison to females
The females I know are just so much more capable and emotionally stable
I love Dh but often find myself helping him to regulate his emotions or balancing things on days out to keep the mood good for the Dc
My father, I adore, but my mother's life has not been easy with him in many aspects

Is this a peri/late 40's thing?

Feel like I'm seeing how things really are and it isn't great

I have a lovely Dad and husband. However I agree with you OP.

The statistics show that the vast majority of many crimes are committed by men. And it's a global matter too.

This term is brilliant. Since I divorced I decided I'll only have a relationship if it makes my life easier, not harder.

Spoiler: even though I've dated a lot, I've been single for almost 7 years!

I sympathize. OP. I do think it could be age or peri-related to. It’s not a matter of hating all men, I am just utterly exhausted by the patriarchy. Lately, I’ve been feeling a deep, persistent weariness. I’ve realized it’s a perfect storm of age, hormones, and a series of major disappointments.

The older I get, the less tolerance I have for incompetence in any form, and the reality is, those incompetent people are usually (though not always) men. In my career, I am constantly acting as the scaffolding for incompetent, overpaid men. At home, my perspective has been heavily shaped by the strain of supporting my unemployed husband for the last four years. On the world stage, the ego and entitlement of leaders like Trump, Putin, etc - and let’s not even start on those men in the Vatican allowing their colleagues to get away with heinous abuse - they make me physically ill.

When I try to compile a mental list of men I truly admire, I find myself staring at a blank page. It is becoming increasingly difficult to find examples that inspire genuine respect.

Of course, there are exceptions. I have some truly fabulous male friends in my life (mostly gay!) who are absolute treasures and light up my world. And I recently lost my dad, who was an absolutely wonderful man and I feel like he was the last of a certain era of true gentlemen. Now, I am trying my best to raise my 13-year-old son to be a decent, empathetic human being.

But honestly? The vast majority of men these days are just getting on my last nerve. I don’t want to write off half the population, but I am just so tired of carrying the weight of it all. I hope it’s just a phase, or at least, that the hormones settle down soon!

I think you’ve just had shit men in your life. There are many shit men, but equally there are plenty of decent ones. No one hears about them. No news is good news.
I say this as someone who was surrounded by shit men growing up. And went on to choose a succession of shit men. There were also some decent men in my environment but I didn’t see them as I was too locked in to relating to shit men.
Can safely say I see the decent men now. It’s taken years of living with a good one to be able to spot them in the wild, they are out there.

I see you've subtly tried to shift the goalposts, but "Mumsnet created Andrew Tate's followers" is still a straw man. Try again.

No, he and his followers are the same thing for the purposes of this discussion: a cult based around misogyny and male supremacy. He does not exist without his followers. It may all be created by online radicalisation but it really, really wasn't Mumsnet that created Andrew Tate/his followers/cult of online misogyny/whatever the fuck it is you are trying to pin on it with this absolutely ridiculous exchange that I really shouldn't be dignifying.
Mumsnet radicalised men into a global online cult of misogyny, says a person calling themselves "moderate". I would say I've heard it all now, but I know I haven't. Absolutely cannot wait to hear what women are responsible for next, or what irrelevant rhetorical devices will be mentioned for no reason to "prove" it. Moderation fallacy? False equivalence? They sound better, tbh.

I’d like all the posters on here claiming women are as bad to list every single war caused by a woman. Name the woman who was responsible for causing the war, the country she was head of and the country which was the victim plus the date of the war. Then we can counter that with all the wars caused by men.
I know some lovely men but I’m not stupid enough to claim that all the violence and oppression in the world is as much the fault of women as it is of men.

To be honest, I think most relationships would be better if men and women just didn’t live together. I think quite often people are perfectly compatible, until they move in together and then it all goes to shit. I don’t think either party is at fault; it’s just different expectations and priorities.

it really, really wasn't Mumsnet that created Andrew Tate/his followers

Correct, as we are all agreed.
You clearly don’t actually know what “straw man” means.

That's so weak that it is insulting, but not for the reasons you think.

I told you a couple of other irrelevant rhetorical devices you could throw in that would sound a bit better and be no less irrelevant or misused. But you can't help those who won't be helped. Or those who can't follow exchanges.

If all countries were led by women would there be no wars? We are obviously still in the position that most world leaders are men (which isn’t right) but if that changed would we become more peaceful world.I know we would like to think so but power can make people do awful things

Do you think that if women were in these positions of power that they would commit similar atrocities?

The idea that if women led every nation we’d have world peace is banal and naive. I’ve worked in female led and female dominated teams; some have been great and some have been completely toxic. The male dominated teams I’ve worked in have been the same - some have been fantastic, and others haven’t been. The idea all women are peaceful, collaborative, and not driven by the same competitive desires as men, is, frankly, bollocks.

Probably worse in that they'd be purely tactical and well thought out. The casualties would be expected and decided in advance their sacrifice is for the greater good.

A quick Google will reveal that women have started, or have been instrumental in starting, umpteen wars and conflicts. It has always been the case, of course, that male military leaders vastly outnumber female ones, so it stands to reason that men have started the highest proportion of wars.

Men in general are nice to you if you are doing something for them or they want to fuck you. As soon as you are a perceived threat to them, not doing something for them or they don’t want to fuck you, you become a target, or if you are lucky invisible. Namalt, but most are. Try saying ‘no’ more to men and see what happens if you are under the impression they’re all sunshine and rainbows.

Having and keeping a man was seen as the pinnacle of achievement for a heterosexual woman or girl for a long time but now the spell has broken women worldwide who have a choice not to marry are running for the hills. They are choosing better and are choosing to be alone, and I do not blame them for one second. When you can earn your own money, buy your own property, raise dc on your own without prejudice - why would you saddle yourself with someone who doesn’t want to meet your contribution with the same energy and competence?

An elderly relative thinks that men should be kept for pleasure and breeding only.

So what happens to the sons these women raise, or will they be aborting any male embryo? How do you bring up sons, tell them they are shit and worthless? Bringing up a son with a good male role model (dad) surely will help provide better men in the future.

My grandad was an awful man in so many way and he controlled/abused all the women in his life in various ways. My sister has had awful boyfriend, after awful boyfriend after awful boyfriend……definitely down to her lack of self esteem and not believing that she deserves better.

There are so many bad men out there with entitled and disgusting attitudes to women. I am horrified by what so many men do to women, but also to each other (violence). The capability that some men have within them to do harm to others is evil and it frightens me. I cannot understand it at all. It’s like they have sub-human desires to scare, hurt, dominate and kill with absolutely no empathy or care. They’re soulless and it’s terrifying really that those kind of men walk amongst us.

Thankfully my husband is amazing and I am so, so glad that he is the role model that our two sons have.

@Summerlovingtheraspberries War is always a terrible thing indeed. It usually escalates slowly and action is normally decided upon by a group of people, often male and female. Many more men have saved lives during wartime than have started them.

People are affected by war in different ways; nowadays there are many alive whose own lives have not been affected by it (thankfully). Mine was not, but my parents lives were.

The statement the OP made was 'men are more of a hindrance' and it was that observation that I was considering and what my response was based on.

When I think back on my life and who has behaved terribly to me, it's has for the most part been women. And that includes the kind of physical abuse a teacher would be immediately sacked for nowadays.

The problem is that often posters have a personal problem with the man in their life that they choose to post as a general 'all men are useless'; which is obviously a nonsense statement. It's 'Mumsnet' so there a very few men here to express their frustration at these kinds of ignorant statements, and also to post regularly, demonstrating their admirable qualities.

I think if someone has married a man who is lazy, then of course it's going to make the experience of marriage and having children tougher. I chose to marry someone who was not lazy and we were therefore a strong team when raising our children.

I am 54 now and in a new relationship with a lovely man; who is wonderful but not particularly domesticated! If we were younger and considering having a family, I know that I would need to be prepared for a lot of frustration and work at home.

Men and women are both responsible for the 'evils of this world'; evils that range from pressing the red button to the relentless bullying of a fellow pupil at school.

There are many male dominated vocations in which men regularly save lives. They are most definitely not considered a 'hindrance' there.

Women can be cruel without being violent (probably easier to see the harm done by violence).

How many posters on MN have dreadful relationships with their DM/MIL?

Who can remember the mean girls at school?

I’m sure my DH gets fed up with me sometimes, none of us are perfect

Yes that is the most reasonable response to what I said. I’m bringing my son up to be a decent human being, to see women as equal and not support humans and his dad does about 90% more than most men so he’s not being brought up expecting to be waited on hand and foot because he has a penis. Looking around I don’t think this is the norm though and so many boys and men are being treated like little princes who can do no wrong. I have high expectations of men and boys and that is a good thing, but it isn’t universal.