My step daughter lied about having cancer

[mydaughterisademon]

And I really don’t understand why, she’s 20! She kept this lie up for 6 months, but only to one side of the family.

I was suspicious when I first heard about it as she had always been a liar, such as accusing people of seriously assaulting her, or the neighbour being a pervert.

None of the details she said added up, we gave her a lot of money as she was ‘too sick to work’.

The odd thing is, her mother is exactly the same, and made up having a child! Used to make up lies about my husband and have him arrested.

Initially my husband’s family didn’t believe me and were quite nasty to me. Until my husband went to his families house and called her grandmother, who she lives with and she advised she’s never had cancer.

She also claimed miscarriage and sepsis last month, on top of the the cancer.

what the hell is wrong with her? Me and my husband can’t get our head around it.

This post is the most insane thing ive read on this whole thread! Parents splitting up is absolutely no excuse to be a shameless liar and defraud your dad! Nuts!

He could be doing her a favour by reporting her fraud, it just might give her the kick up the arse she needs to stop her lying her way through life.

She made her elderly (80s) grandparents believe she had ovarian cancer, for 7 months. We didn’t know anything about the cancer til June, when we offered our support. She went silent. TIL Sunday when a sudden money request came through. She said she needed £600, but given everything she’d been through we’d be willing to pay all her debt off.

she has a rough childhood, she was living with her grandmother from being a toddler. Social services wouldn’t support my husband in having her as he was 20 with no where to live at the time (I don’t think he’s blameless). The children were removed from the mother, and live with the grandmother, which half her children have turned into drug addicts. But not the lies, unlike her mother.

i am happy to support someone that needs help; I’ve always been there for her, I’ve treated her no less than my own, hence why I paid £2k. But there’s just no remorse for what she’s done. She’s lied before, a lot, but not to this extent.

how much does a troubled childhood excuse this? Mine wasn’t great either, but I do my best

Or instead of trying to lump it all on her, could consider how his actions have fed into it. That sort of punishment seldom unpicks emotional damage.

Do report her to the police and also her GP surgery. She needs help.

No, that’s about emotions, this is something else

She does need help. Let's hope the police and her GP love her enough to give it.

Idiot.

I've had sepsis and it almost took me out. Also the same with m/c (this actually caused the sepsis). No laughing matter.

My cousin was a bit like this. Example - she was late for work once, and told me she was going to tell her boss she was "held up at gunpoint" on the tube. I told her not be daft, it'd be all over the news. But that's the sort of thing she would say to save her skin.

Turned out she was bored and lonely, despite being the type to have 500 Facebook friends.

Although it is appalling to lie about having cancer, I feel sorry for a young person who has been brought up in an environment in which lying is the norm. She has probably witnessed her mother receiving attention and sympathy for her lies, and she is following the example she has been set. I completely understand your anger at her behaviour. At the same time, it sounds as though she needs professional help. Of course, it isn't up to you to arrange or fund that. Does your husband have a close relationship with her?

Have a look at the OP's updates about how disturbed the girl's upbringing was.

It was hardly just parents breaking up - though, badly handled, that can cause scars enough.

It makes me feel ill the way children are expected to wear the consequences for parents giving them the wrong start in life because, well, they just have to deal with it - oh, except of course the adults are only human.

It’s useful to have made the report to police even if you don’t get the money back. Primarily you want an official record that she has lied. If she has cancer then she can authorise the police to have her medical records which will prove that… no problem. If she doesn’t then the allegations of lying can be preserved and references down the line if she should make allegations against anyone or try this again.

I know a young woman at work (she's a customer) who's exactly the same

I've known her 18ish months and in that time,she's claimed to have had:
depression (maybe she has,I don't know,but she certainly isnt cutting herself like she claims)
Battens disease (until I mentioned that dps sister died of this illness and then suddenly was 'the doctors got it wrong')
Cancer ('but it was cured with antibiotics!')
A brain tumour (but seemed to forget that's what she'd told everyone)
A broken arm-sling and everything,she took it off after 3 days
Neck brace (lasted a few hours,she claimed shed pulled a nerve)
Crutches-no idea but they lasted 24 hours
A bad back-was walking around fine until someone looked at her and it was back to limping about (just after I'd gone back to work after 5 weeks off with the same thing)
Potts disease (she will walk in somewhere,not get the attention she wants and will 'faint',she doesnt seem to notice the looks on our faces as it's so fake,out comes an ambulance and off she goes,only to come back in a few hours later and repeat)
A stillbirth of twins (nobody has a stillbirth of twins at 2:30pm and goes out partying at 5pm)

Thing is,in this case,she's uneducated and doesn't want to get a job (which is the issue)

I've seen her Google illnesses and the symptoms,convinces herself she has that illness and off she trots to the doctors

She doesn't want to be really ill,just enough not to get a job and live a life on benefits

Her mother is exactly the same,and her grandparents before that-it's learned behaviour

I really hope she gets the help she needs and ends up with a lovely life as she does deserve it

Get her evaluated for a personality disorder.

Given her mother is habitual liar it’s not really odd the daughter behaves in the same way. It’s going to sound like I’m making excuses for her and I suppose I am, but it’s no wonder she’s turned out to be so twisted. I know she’s not your daughter and you can wash your hands of her but she is your husband’s daughter, and if I was him I would try one more time with her, see if I could get her some help. But don’t give her any more money. I doubt very much he will see any of the money he gave her again. Might be best to write that off for his own peace of mind.

It might be more a case of malingering. She was using a fake illness for material gain.

Wow what a narcissistic little bitch. Disgusting. Stay well away from her. Hope your DH gets the money back and she gets her comeuppance. Like mother like daughter...

Did she confirm she 100% had ovarian cancer or was it suspected?

I only ask as when I was 20, I was told I had a large solid cyst on my ovary which was suspected to be cancerous. The oncologist rang me on the way home from my initial scan and said it looked suspicious and sent me straight for tests. My CA125 was borderline so they weren’t worried.

It ended up rupturing a few months later and I needed an emergency surgery to remove it. Again, they reverted back to it looking suspicious and I was terrified it was cancer. Thankfully the biopsy came back clear.

I made friends with one lady a few years older than me on the ward and she had an ovarian cyst which did end up being cancerous. It was a very rare type and she didn’t need chemo or treatment after having it removed. From what I remember the hospital created a study on hers as it was very rare for someone of her age.

However if she did it all for money and lies then that’s disgusting.

I suspected it wouldn’t be long before someone made this OP and her DH’s fault. 🙄

No, confirmed a lie

I wonder why.

If you want to go down that route, blaming her father then you should also involve her mother who seems to be where she learned her lying.
Why does MN like to find excuses for poor behaviour, it's a fact of life that some people are utter prats for no reason.

Why do you consider this to be the OP and her DH’s fault, when there is clearly so much more to it.

So very disingenuous.

I very much doubt the existence of the OP has contributed to any of the issues the SD is experiencing, given how utterly chaotic her upbringing sounds.

It sounds like she might have Factitious Disorder / Munchausens (not the 'by proxy' variant). It can be comorbid with BPD / EUPD and could be caused (at least partly) by previous trauma. The only confusing aspect is the money issue- usually people with the condition aren't looking for money!

You seem to be very invested in this thread. Has it touched a nerve?

Wtaf?!
The lengths some MN members will go to, to discredit a man or a woman who marries a man who has children.
Utter madness