My step daughter lied about having cancer

[mydaughterisademon]

And I really don’t understand why, she’s 20! She kept this lie up for 6 months, but only to one side of the family.

I was suspicious when I first heard about it as she had always been a liar, such as accusing people of seriously assaulting her, or the neighbour being a pervert.

None of the details she said added up, we gave her a lot of money as she was ‘too sick to work’.

The odd thing is, her mother is exactly the same, and made up having a child! Used to make up lies about my husband and have him arrested.

Initially my husband’s family didn’t believe me and were quite nasty to me. Until my husband went to his families house and called her grandmother, who she lives with and she advised she’s never had cancer.

She also claimed miscarriage and sepsis last month, on top of the the cancer.

what the hell is wrong with her? Me and my husband can’t get our head around it.

OMG how on earth did you come to that conclusion?

How do you know that it wasn't her MUM that ran off with someone else?

Sounds to me like OP and her husband have supported her through a lot of shit

This reply is really pathetic, and offensive.

My DC comes from a family of divorce, as do nearly half of children. Is there nothing down for them other than an outcome like this? Should I expect my DC to fake cancer or do something else that’s equally depraved one day just because mum and dad didn’t love each other any more?! Behave.

This.

It is not normal or acceptable behaviour obviously but there could be something more than just the person being a dodgy.

There could be some undiagnosed mental health issues and/or personality disorder or her trying to get attention by creating drama.

Surely her father should have tried to investigate if there is a medical/psychological reason for this young woman's behaviour? rather than jump to reporting her to the police?

If I are you I would wonder if there is a back story here and what kind of parent he really is.

Absolutely this. I would cease all contact immediately.

Could be a mother and daughter Munchausens/con-women duo. Reminds me of the Mother of all Cons true story (which you can see on BBC iplayer). If it's any consolation, OP, this probably happens more than you's think, and the good hearted people who are tricked are not stupid by any means. I know of one (now defunct) banking institution that got sucked into such a fraud by an employee. I would write off your losses and stay very far away from these people. Or let the police handle it, as it is almost impossible for good people to lower themselves to the levels of people like this in order to get justice without assistance.

A relative through marriage did this: shaved her hair and claimed to have a brain tumour. Also pretended to have had a stroke.

Munchausen's.

It's not fraud on the payment because it was correctly authourised so it's not a bank issue and you won't recover off them. The bank won't go into reasons for you paying unless you are a particularly vulnerable customer and you didn't have full capacity.
It is fraud on the reason for the payment being made. So that can lead to criminal action. Recovery is either through an order as part of the criminal conviction, or through a civil action for Recovery, or possibly using both. To get the criminal conviction you need to go to the police. Final decision on that will be DPP.
But it's not tgat unusual. We had a famous case here in Ireland.

He got 5 years

I would stay the hell away from her to be honest. Unfortunately she's a fantasist and a liar and therefore dangerous as you have no idea what she'll come up with next.

Sadly I have experienced someone I know making a false allegation of assault. She is very mentally unwell which is very sad but there's no way she can be in my life as she's so unpredictable

The last thing you need is for her to accuse you or your husband of abuse and sadly you have to assume that's a possibility given her track record.

I'd say she is desperately unhappy and needs attention!
The reason why she is troubled OP and her family will know we can't guess this !
She needs some kind of help it isn't normal to do this and then show absolutely no remorse or embarrassment is beyond attention seeking there is way more to this !
She is also living with her grandmother so she isn't even with her parents !
Op u need to share the full story

I did this at age 16/17. I’ve posted before under another name.

My mother was extremely abusive in many ways. She would tell me frequently from a young age that ‘nobody would care if you died’ and I think that was the catalyst for me. When the abuse got worse and i was at college with some friends I ended with an eating disorder and ended up testing out the theory to see if I was actually cared about as everyone was concerned about my weight.

It escalated fast and I couldn’t undo it. It wasn’t for money I never asked for or was given money it was for attention and wanting to feel cared about.

In your case @mydaughterisademon I would see first she will repay the money and agree to therapy and only if she refuses report her as she is clearly very disturbed.

My MiL lied about having liver cancer. Obviously at first we believed her and DH even drove her to her hospital “appointments”, which he was never allowed to attend.

She had form for lying and when she appeared amazingly well I became suspicious. I demanded DH attend an appointment with her and it transpired what she actually had was a diagnosis of a fatty liver and recommendations to adjust her diet.

I was fuming. Her defence? She got “confused” and was “scared” and “assumed the worse”. I never spoke to her again but a word of warning - my DH forgave her.

Yes, another thread of faux concern by a SM who "cannot believe" how coincidentally abominable her SC and the ex are.

Yes, yes, go NC OP. Some people are just wicked, especially dc of difficult backgrounds. They deserve everything they get. Best you wipe the slate clean of her - and make sure her dad does too. The fraud action should put the nail in that coffin: good move.

Seems to be a tik tok / social media influenced trend. Grim.

It sounds like she could have a personality disorder. There are three possibilities, narcissistic, antisocial, or histrionic.
You can look up the criteria for each disorder and see which one fits. Sometimes there can be a bit of an overlap. it might just help you to understand her a little bit more.
And you might find out some information on how to deal with it

The grandmother confirmed there was no cancer.
No miscarriage.
No sepsis.
See the theme here?

Her father would seriously call the police on his own DD over a few thousand?

Many loving parents are gladly giving it.

What a cheapskate.,.

Is it really not blindingly obvious to you it's a cry for attention? And if her father is that quickly turned against her, I'm not surprised if her need for love and attention has turned pathological.

Is she still involved with her mother?

My mother has severe MI and one of her issues frankly was lying - some lies bigger, but most lies were inconsequential and for no reason. I think it just became second nature to her. The thing is, your DSD could also have some sort of illness or the simple fact that she’s still in that environment makes her mimic what her mother does.

I used to lie a bit as well when I was younger (nothing to that level, really minor things) and I remember when I moved out I just realised how weird it is. You don’t see it when you’re stuck in there.

Some people have personality disorders, but a lot more have just been badly parented. And guess what: it isn't always the ex mum at fault.

This very day a Joseph Gibson has been sentenced to three years and two months at Bristol Crown Court for defrauding people out of money with a series of lies, including that he had cancer. Of course it's fraud, it's obtaining money by deception. The girl's father only paid it because he believed she had cancer.

I don’t think in this case you can say he’s being cheap, he was effectively conned out of it in a serious lie.

I wouldn’t call the police, but I can definitely understand why he’s furious. It’s a horrible thing to do even if it’s for attention.

Every single petson I konw lile this had a traumatic/neglected childhood.

This is her mother's influence, generation trauma, even though I dislike the expression.

It's actually not her fault & very difficult to change as it was a core element of her upbringing.

She needs help and a lot of therapy.

Your husband should really try an honest conversation about her need for counselling.
It's unlikely to do much good but at least he'll know he tried to get her the help she badly needs.

Borderline Personality Disorder?

She's 20, she should be supporting herself, Dad only comes into the picture for genuine emergencies.
Make it clear to her that you will never believe her about anything again, which could cause her problems if she is in genuine need, that would just be tough luck. Buty her The Boy Who Cried Wolf for her one and only Christmas present.

Yes, of course he is furious, but there are things parents resolve as parents.

If I were that father, I'd be asking myself serious questions about how things got to this. And it's no good just blaming the mother; both parents have a duty to their dc.

He's just legged it with a woman who slags off his DD on MN. No point turning on his own flesh and blood. He should be trying to get to the bottom of it, trying to reach her in love, not in anger. It's his daughter, not some random scammer.