DH’s digging ‘hobby’ is consuming our lives (Title edited by MNHQ at the request of the OP)

[Hobbywiddow26]

Both DH and I are recently retired. He has always had an interest in history but rarely had the time to explore this. He has become involved in a local company which specialise in archeological digs and has done some volunteering work for them.

This has progressed into some paid opportunities which at the time I thought was great, but in the last month he has spent at least 3 week days on jobs related to this.

So, far from us enjoying retired life together, it’s like he has gone back to work and isn’t a ‘hobby’ as it was previously. Would it be wrong of me to ask him to cut back?

Nothing more irritating than the old fart sitting around all day and saying "what are you doing"?

Hard disagree. Obviously, many things, such as him dogging for example, would be more irritating.

Did you think you were going to retire and be together 24/7? That would be suffocating for most people.

Having a hobby he does three days a week seems completely reasonable to me.

You need to check for mistakes before posting and check for clarity. It is not clear if you mean three days a month or three days a week.

🤷‍♀️ if he’s just retired and that’s what he enjoys doing then I can’t see why that’s a problem. Unless he’s refusing to book any holidays due to this?

You’ve still got 4 days a week to do other things together.

Oh and it sounded such an interesting hobby!

Is his commitment to his digs preventing you both from planning and doing specific things you'd at least vaguely planned on doing in retirement? For example, if you'd planned to spend the winter travelling around southeast Asia, his being committed at home three days a week would probably mean his working out a block of time when he go and when he's not committed to a paid project far ahead of time. But you may find that his work is seasonal enough to manage this with advance planning. If it's more that you'd expected to spend your days together closer to home and more spontaneously, can you focus on making some plans to do things together on the days he does have free? Of course, if he's so busy with his digs that he can't or won't participate in the planning (or worse, isn't pulling his weight in the relationship and around the house) then that's another problem, but I think you should feel free to bring it up with him, definitely. Perhaps don't start with asking him to cut back, but talking about how you'd envisioned your retirement time together at this stage and both weighing on how to work things out so you're both happy/happier.

What exactly are you expecting of him and what will you be doing if he isn’t doing his hobby.

As they say - romance may start with hearts and diamonds but it can end with a club and a spade.

3 days a week sounds perfect. We are retired and both spend most of the week following our separate hobbies and interests - that's the joy of retirement. We also have some separate holidays, as well as others together. We still see plenty of each other.
What exactly do you think would happen if you were together 24/7? I think there's a real risk that you end up being one of those ghastly couples who go round the supermarket together, bickering about what to buy!
Just relax and enjoy your own retirement, OP, and let your husband enjoy his.

You need to pursue a hobby too. 3 days a week is hardly anything - as an example, if he had an allotment he would be visiting daily if not more.

What do you enjoy, how do you like to pass your time on your own, is there anything you want to learn or pursue from your younger years?

Kudos to your DH that he's still physically fit enough for archaeological excavation at retirement age! I blame the parlous state of my knees on archaeology and I'm not retirement age for a good while yet.

3 days a week? Sounds great. Why would you want him glued to you all week, anyway? I think I'd go mad. In fact, if DH doesn't find a comparable hobby to get him out and about when he takes retirement, I may well go mad. Or back to archaeology...

I mean you're not joined at the hip are you? Three days out of 7 seems reasonable for someone to spend time focusing on themselves.
Why don't you find something you enjoy to fill three days a week?

Agree with this. You need a hobby

He's got a part time job doing something he's always been interested in. Surely that is exactly what it means to be enjoying retirement! What is it would you were hoping to do together, and can you schedule that with him for other days?

I wish my DH would go out a few days a week. I do love him but my god he bumbles around and naps most of the time. That means he’s either in my way or I feel I need to be quiet.
Even if he went upstairs for a proper nap instead of 2 or 3 a day. Plus of course the whole evening nap holding the tv remote….

You’re retired? So even if he does do 3 days a week on it you still have 4 others? I don’t see the issue?

Isn’t this the sort of thing retirement is for??

Should be. But for too many, retirement is for being sat in front of the telly, getting on each other's wick.

It does feel like he's now working three days a week. If it's paid presumably he's signed something? He's classed as an employee or consultant or something?

You should definitely speak to him about it. Though if it makes him happy he shouldn't have to stop fully.

There is too little to go on. I thought retirement was doing things you enjoy? If you enjoy it exciting travel destinations and he enjoys history and archeological digs it’s worth another conversation. To understand the contours of your lives together.

Isn't four days a week enough to enjoy doing things together? And then enjoy doing your own thing on the other three? Sounds ideal tbh.

Commercial archaeological companies dig all year around, even in the depths of winter. If your husband has been employed by a commercial company then they will have work for him all year around, if he wants it? I’m not surprised he has got a job, commercial archaeological companies are crying out for staff. I hope he really enjoys this opportunity, good luck to him!

I think your DH maybe my previous CEO who retired earlier this year.
I wouldn’t be asking him to stop let him do it if it’s making him happy but ask him to be available for example week commencing 14th Sept and have things planned for the two of you.
If he’s worked all his life this is a huge change I wouldn’t be negative about this OP he will slow down in time.

How lovely he has a hobby and he earns a bit from it too! If this was the other way around and you enjoyed something you'd always loved (film or theatre or something) how would you feel if he asked you to stop so you could spend more time with him. I imagine you'd not be super happy. Presumably you're still spending significantly more time together than you did when working too.
Maybe sit down and put together some plans of what you will do together (day trips, hobbies, holidays, DIY projects etc) and then if you both commit to those together, I'd say the rest of the time is his own. Rather than sitting home and waiting for him, find something you love or people you want to see- waiting around for someone is a horrid feeling, so get out and enjoy yourself (or stay in and enjoy yourself!)

Tbh i’m in this camp.

His hobby sounds fantastic and he’s obviously very good at what he does.
OP, don’t ruin it for him. If a DH was saying this he’d probably be branded a bit controlling.
Don’t you enjoy your own space?! Tbf I love it so this is hard for me to get my head round.