DH’s digging ‘hobby’ is consuming our lives (Title edited by MNHQ at the request of the OP)

[Hobbywiddow26]

Both DH and I are recently retired. He has always had an interest in history but rarely had the time to explore this. He has become involved in a local company which specialise in archeological digs and has done some volunteering work for them.

This has progressed into some paid opportunities which at the time I thought was great, but in the last month he has spent at least 3 week days on jobs related to this.

So, far from us enjoying retired life together, it’s like he has gone back to work and isn’t a ‘hobby’ as it was previously. Would it be wrong of me to ask him to cut back?

Edit - read it’s in fact 3 days a week not 3 days out of a month, another typo.

is the issue that you want to travel? Why not schedule in a trip or some days out together? I also think it’s healthy to have your own interests, why don’t you get some hobbies too?

• swimming
• walking group
• lunch with a friend
• art class
• art gallery
• travel to nearest town for a mooch
• Sports

Oh god that is how I'd like to spend my retirement (not dogging I hasten to add)

Haven't you got anything else going on OP? Any hobbies of your own. I would hate to be together 24/7 with my very lovely DP 7 days a week.

He sounds marvellous! He's got something he's passionate about, new friends, keeping fit AND earning extra cash. AND not under your feet all the time.

Most retirement posts are people complaining that their husband is boring and now does nothing all day.

I think you need to find your own hobbies or interests and pursue them - especially now you have this bonus extra cash injection.

I would so love to do what he is doing. Digging, not dogging.
Get a hobby of your own.

Thanks for a great giggle! I spat my coffee out.

I agree with PP that having a hobby or pastime is important. 3 days a week does not sound excessive. If you cant muster an interest in archaeology then find something that does appeal to you to do on those days. Many women complain that their retired OH is hanging around the house and annoying them so you are really quite fortunate not to have him under your feet.

3 days a week but is this 6am til gone midnight or 9am til 5pm or..

What did you want to do with that time instead? What is this stopping you doing?

As hobbies go, one that occasionally pays its way is pretty good stuff, but if you had in mind floating off on long holidays and him only doing his hobby once a month, I can see how it'd get in the way.

On the other hand if your intention is that you both sit about the house together doing sweet FA, then you're massively unreasonable. It's 3/7, you have four whole days plus the other three evenings!

Is there any chance that you're jealous he has found a hobby he loves and that pays, and you haven't got a similar thing to do, or had intended on relying on him to entertain you?

If my other half expected me
to be at their beck and call 7/7 I’d be looking for something to do at least 3/7!

Retirement is the time to flourish and live life to the full - together AND as individuals. Seize the moment!

Jesus, I’d rather go dogging than digging.

Leave him to it - he’s happy.

Better he’s out than being home and talking about archeological digs.

I think it’s fantastic that he has the opportunity to do what he’s interested in , get yourself a hobby @Hobbywiddow26

@Hobbywiddow26 You need to find yourself a hobby. It's great that he's passionate about something.

But that still leaves 4 days a week you can spend together.
I have been on a few archeological digs - they are brilliant.

Surely you can fill 3 days with something you want to do? What will you talk about if you don't do things outside being together.

The time to get annoyed would be if it impacts travel together or his willingness to be involved in family life more generally.But taken at face value it sounds great. He will be outside and moving too which will be good for his health in the long term.

So he’s doing this for three days a week leaving you with 4 other days together. YABU for asking him to cut back something he enjoys.

Its not as if you still both work and he’s fitting this in, leaving you with not much time together.

Its not healthy to spend every moment of the day together, why don’t you look into filling the days he’s busy with something for yourself.

Meet for lunch with family and friends, start a hobby, join a gym, go and get a massage!

Good for him. This is what retirement is for. You need to find some interests of your own. Expecting your DH to be with you 7/7 is unreasonable.

Why not find some interest(s) of your own?

A good many retired women are only too pleased if their retired dh takes himself off out of the house. I’ve known of some whose wives can never get rid of them - the bloke wants to do everything together, always around the house wanting his DW to suggest something to do.

My dh has enjoyed several activities on his own ever since he retired. I’m the same - we’ve never been joined at the hip.

It works fine for us, anyway.

3 days a week how is that taking over your life, what do you want him to do op stay indoors with you 24/7 he`s retired not dead.
I go magnet fishing and love it, more so in the winter im never in.

I'd certainly love my old knees to be up to this! Wonderful, is this a new hobby or was he inspired by the series Dogging for Britain?

When we retired, in my head, we would be spending days out, going out for coffee, seeing friends, doing everything together. Then I realised that spending all day, every day with the same person means we have nothing to talk about. The hot weather has meant that we have not been out much and so I am glad that DH has hobbies that means he has to go out and keep his mind and body active so I don’t have to discuss that Mavis, 3 doors down has a visitor!

I think he’s entitled to do what he enjoys, he doesn’t need to baby sit you, the answer is not to stop him doing what he wishes but find something fulfilling for you to do. Follow his example,

What would you like to be doing together instead OP?

He's finally got the opportunity to get involved with an interest he's always held, and it's good to stay active in retirement. You still have more than half the week to do other stuff. If you're bored while he's out then maybe get a hobby or volunteering position of your own?

Helping on archeological digs is literally my dream retirement 🤣

You are being unreasonable. Have you got any hobbies yourself?

We're retired and I wish my husband had something like this. He's a big presence in the house, he doesn't do anything quietly and he talks a lot. His retirement has been a huge adjustment for me (I'm also thrilled he doesn't have to work anymore after many years of long hours.)

That said, I wouldn't like it if it prevented us from doing the things we'd planned to do together or left him too tired to do other things.

How fantastic, you can be a couple as well as two individuals pursuing your own hobbies and interests.

It seems to me like he's missing work, the routine of it and how it gets him out of the house. I don't think he's alone in that and it seem more men need this to add something meaningful to their lives.

How are you together the rest of the time? Is it enjoyable, or are you seeing this new work or hobby as something that will take him further away from you?