To be annoyed at DH’s comments to DD’s BF?

[ProPickle]

Dd is 16 and she's had a bf for about 5 months. He's just turned 17 And at college, dd will go to the same college in a couple weeks

He's a nice polite lad and seems to treat DD really well but DH hates him and he came away with us and he's been picking at him and everything he does

He has long curly hair and would probably be considered a feminine man using those stereotypes which there's nothing wrong with. DH insists he's gay, DD has told us he's bisexual but he still insistshe's gay. When we were away he out of nowhere asked if he's ever dated a boy (?) bf awkwardly said yes then DH was asking how long they were together and he was saying not long and it wasn't serious so he doesn't consider it a proper relationship. Both myself and DD tried to change the subject and we were successful until later that night. He asked him what makes a relationship serious/does he consider his relationship with dd serious etc he seemed awkward and said he was tired and went for a shower.

Another occasion we were watching a film at the end of another day he had laid his head in dds lap and she was sort of playing with his hair and she told him she was jealous of his hair and DH out of nowhere asked if it was naturally curly, he then said he’d look better if he chopped it off as the bf shouldn't have better hair than his gf(?) it was late and we all ignored him tbh

He mocked the bf for being a “theatre kid” to me but bf likely overheard,

Then last night, our final night he was back on the dating a man talk, he asked him what's stopping him leaning dd and dating a man and he said he loves dd and just because he's attracted to men doesn't mean he finds every man on the planet attractive, dd laughed and dh didn't seem pleased

We went home today and DD was already upset, she won't say what's wrong but DH automatically assumed bf did something and he said to her how he wasn't happy BF talked back to him and told her she needs to break up with him before he leaves her this has made DD worse

It's herGCSE results tomorrow (she says this isn't the problem) and he seems go care more about her bf

AIBU to be annoyed?

Surely you've pulled your husband up about this and told him to pack it in?

No
Combo of jealousy, insecurity and modelling himself on the father in a 70s sitcom.
Alf Garnett used to call his son in law Shirley Temple

Definitely not unreasonable to be annoyed at your DH, how horrible of him - what an immature bully he is, your poor DD must have been mortified and her poor bf having to put up with that. Don’t be surprised if she never lets your DH near any other potential relationships. What should matter to him is how he treats your daughter and if he makes her happy.

Not OK. Ridiculous behaviour from your DH. He will ruin his relationship with your daughter at this rate. He needs to grow up. No normal person would think this is OK. I’d be doing my best to show him I like him and am glad he’s in my daughter’s life. But I’d also be pulling my DH up on his comments in the moment in front of the boyfriend so he knows I don’t agree with such bullying behaviour.

Are you sure you meant YABU? You're saying that OP is being unreasonable to be angry?

That seems at odds with saying "poor DD and the poor lad", but then you go on to confirm that you think OP is indeed being unreasonable???

I have pulled him up Ion it. For example when he was mocking the theatre kid thing I said that plenty of men are into theatre and he then said no straight man is into theatre and has his mannerisms. The theatre kid mocking also began after he had told dd he had bought them tickets to see legally blonde and he mentioned to us he’d been in it for at his college show

They've been together since April I don't see the issue. Then he was mocking him for being scared of a moth in their room and him not wanting to go in their room until it was gone but that's ‘childish’ according to Dh

Your DH sounds homophobic. I’d be having a serious word with him telling him I didn’t intend to put up with him treating my daughter’s friends like that. If he persists with it I’d exclude him from activities involving DD and her boyfriend. Her poor boyfriend shouldn’t be put in that position.

Your husband is a homophobe.

Bloody hell, is your partner a caveman?

No no sorry I missed an N out of the acronym! Yanbu OP! Awful behaviour from the husband, if have been mortified. I will ask for my post to be removed especially as it was the first. Sorry!!

I'm surprised he's kept his homophobia from you all this time OP.

Thia is totally unacceptable of your DH for many reasons.

You should be pulling your DH up on this in front of the BF and insisting to your DH he apologise to him and your DD.

The BF is a minor in your care and if I was his mother and found out that how he’s been treated, I’d be furious.

I’d be absolutely livid with my husband if he conducted himself like this and I’d be doing a bit more than having a word. Invite a young person on holiday and when they’re trapped there with you proceed to behave like this? Hector them about their sexuality? Make homophobic comments about their mannerism and appearance? Why are you even questioning if you’re unreasonable to be mad? If my husband had conducted himself like this I wouldnt just be mad, you’d hear me from space.
My husband would have to be making some profuse apologies to daughter and boyfriend and quickly if he expected to remain married but I very much doubt this is the only time you’ve seen such awful attitudes from your husband. What on earth do you see in him? Hideous. His daughter isn’t going to forget or forgive this one and nor should you. Bin.

That's a very good point.

I think some men "tolerate" homosexuality's existence but dating their daughters is way too close for comfort, and the truth comes out.

Your husband is a dinosaur and like the dinosaurs, hopefully he'll become a thing of the past to you. He's shown you his true colours and this is what your life is going to look like whilst you're still with him. For the sake of your sanity, your enjoyment of life and for your daughter, leave him and reclaim your freedom. He'll only get worse; bigots always do. It'll be covert racism next and shackling you to the kitchen sink.

Unlikely that in a marriage/partnership that’s bern 17+years there’s been no prior indication of his homophobia.

I mean he sounds like an absolutely homophobic knobhead.

i also wonder how comfortable he is / was with the guy coming on holiday with you and lounging round all over your daughter.

He does sound like a twat though - how have you not seen it?

I also don’t think long hair = gay - nor is that an issues.
I’d be wondering what the future held for my 16 year old child and her bisexual partner.

Your DH clearly feels threatened in some way by the boy’s bisexuality and it has possibly awakened feelings that he finds unsettling. A lot of homophobes harbour attraction to men and can’t cope with it and end up compensating by trying to be overtly hetero and intolerant.

Probably because you said 'couple' this 'couple' that. You are NOT American.

you can pretty much count on your daughter never showing up to your house for Christmas if you don’t put a stop to this. It’s a teenage romance so this boy is unlikely to last forever, but she is learning not to bring people she cares about around her father.

Your husband is homophobic and rude.

Wrong thread?

This ^
and it’s obvious why she was upset - because her dad is unpleasant twat. It’s not a nice realisation.

This is awful behaviour. He’s bullying a child . How can you take a child away with you and allow him to be treated so badly. Your DH is a homophobic bully and you need to get that through to him. Id say yabu to only be annoyed. He has no right to treat your dd or her bf like that and you need to really stick up for them. I’d be getting rid personally but he needs a proper scare and wake up call at the very least. What a dick.

Ugh. I'd be so ashamed to married to a homophobic, bullying prize prat like that.
I hope his dad is built like king kong & wants a word shortly.