To be annoyed at DH’s comments to DD’s BF?

[ProPickle]

Dd is 16 and she's had a bf for about 5 months. He's just turned 17 And at college, dd will go to the same college in a couple weeks

He's a nice polite lad and seems to treat DD really well but DH hates him and he came away with us and he's been picking at him and everything he does

He has long curly hair and would probably be considered a feminine man using those stereotypes which there's nothing wrong with. DH insists he's gay, DD has told us he's bisexual but he still insistshe's gay. When we were away he out of nowhere asked if he's ever dated a boy (?) bf awkwardly said yes then DH was asking how long they were together and he was saying not long and it wasn't serious so he doesn't consider it a proper relationship. Both myself and DD tried to change the subject and we were successful until later that night. He asked him what makes a relationship serious/does he consider his relationship with dd serious etc he seemed awkward and said he was tired and went for a shower.

Another occasion we were watching a film at the end of another day he had laid his head in dds lap and she was sort of playing with his hair and she told him she was jealous of his hair and DH out of nowhere asked if it was naturally curly, he then said he’d look better if he chopped it off as the bf shouldn't have better hair than his gf(?) it was late and we all ignored him tbh

He mocked the bf for being a “theatre kid” to me but bf likely overheard,

Then last night, our final night he was back on the dating a man talk, he asked him what's stopping him leaning dd and dating a man and he said he loves dd and just because he's attracted to men doesn't mean he finds every man on the planet attractive, dd laughed and dh didn't seem pleased

We went home today and DD was already upset, she won't say what's wrong but DH automatically assumed bf did something and he said to her how he wasn't happy BF talked back to him and told her she needs to break up with him before he leaves her this has made DD worse

It's herGCSE results tomorrow (she says this isn't the problem) and he seems go care more about her bf

AIBU to be annoyed?

Pulling him up means to tell your DH to stop it, as in knock it off. not to say
plenty of straight men are in theater. that's not pulling him up at all

I think you need to tell your DH in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is unacceptable and that he needs to stop it immediately otherwise he risks losing his DD. If I were you, I'd also add that he risks losing me too. I couldn't have respect for a homophobe who hurt our daughter and her bf.

I'm petty as fuck so privately to your DH I’d be saying something like, it really bothers you that a man can be openly bi doesn’t it, is that cos you’re jealous you can’t be.

That isn’t pulling him up on it. Pulling him up on it would be saying, at the time, in front of everyone, that everyone in this room is thinking you’re an asshole, because you’re being one. Is that intentional? While you’re busy judging people and relationships why don’t you take a walk and think about what kind of dad you are and why I should put up with being associated with this incredible rudeness?

Why would you take him on holiday with you when your DH hates him? Poor kid.

Your husband is a bigot. Have you always known this (if so, one might ask why you married him!) or is it just the idea of your DD having a boyfriend that's setting your DH off and he's finding the most obvious target.

What are you doing to protect your daughter (and her boyfriend) from him, and to call him out on his behaviour? Saying "some men are into theatre" is not pulling him up on his behaviour! You need to call out and name his bigoted, bullying, homophobic behaviour and tell him to stop, in no uncertain terms.

Tbh, leaving the homophobia out of it, the key problem seems to be that you're husband is not a nice man. He's bullying a 17 year old child.

Nip this in the bud now, as otherwise your daughter will just end up spending less time at home. Worst case is a future where your daughter is grown up and you rarely see her because your husband doesn't like her partner.

You don't need to delete it @ValBiro . Just edit it to include the N 😊

At what point did you very sharply and publicly tell your not so “ D” H to shut the fuck up and leave the lad alone….?

I’m confused by that last part. What does him being bisexual have to do with their future?

Bisexual people can be good partners just as much as straight or gay people can be.

I think that you do need to be much firmer. You know how you would feel if your daughter went away with a family and behaved like that to her. I think that, if your husband then won't, you also need to sit the bf down and explain that you are very pleased he's there and that you are sorry for the dad's rudeness.

You really need to be a bit more assertive.
you’re allowing a boy to be bullied in your company and NOT saying anything. That’s appalling!
How would you feel if your daughter was bullied by the boy’s mother?
Stop being so mamby pamby.
Your daughter’s bf might be having second thoughts and that’s why she’s upset.
Your husband is an ignorant unpleasant pig.

What on earth is wrong with you?! Why would this be a problem? Especially one the parents feel the need to involve themselves in?

What is wrong with ME?

Your DH sounds toxic. Sorry

Is coming away on holiday with you the first time he has met you? Has he been staying over at your home or her at his?
wonder if seeing his 16 yo sharing a bedroom with a relatively new bf on holiday has brought out some as pp have said caveman behaviours?

Your husband is homophobic

Let that sink in and see if you want to stay married to someone like that.

Your H sounds awful but really is it a good idea to invite a BF of 5 months to come away with you on holiday aged 16? That just sounds a bit much to me for that age - so intense for all involved.

Your DH was rude but probably not a homophobe. He would not bat an eyelid if the BF were dating a man.

Just worried about his DD being hurt because DH is ignorant as to how a young bisexual man feels towards their partners, given that DH is not bisexual.

I think most of DD’s friends of the same age have long or longer hair and identify as being bisexual. DD is A-sexual. I just smile, it is the generation in certain circles. I don’t think many have had much if any sexual encounters with either sex.

Your DH is a dickhead. If my DH started this BS there would be war.

So no one should a bisexual person? So that means bisexual people can never date?

Why???? Where did I say that? Bisexual people should date bisexual people - no? Makes sense to me.

There was another thread on MN - 'I am a bisexual man. Is it a turn-off for you?' and the consensus was that it is a major turn-off and very valid reasons given, including diseases. One poster succinctly put it 'I am a woman and bisexual men love penises. I don't have a penis. End of'.

Your DH was awful and should not have behaved like that, however I have a friend like him who ended up realising he was gay and upset someine badly. Maybe your DH is just worried for his daughter and dealing with it horrendously.

Also everyone should stop assuming he is homophonic. Nobody wants their kid dating someone who is 16 and unsure which way they go. Philip scoffed prime example.....it happens and destroys lives.

I would have gone nuclear at him at all of that blatant homophobia. I’m so relieved my husband isn’t a thick fucking dickhead like yours because I couldn’t live with the shame. Btw have you checked with husband he isn’t gay? He sounds obsessed with this very young man’s sex life.

That poor lad and your daughter- her father is an absolute embarrassment.

While I agree with PP that your husband was extremely rude, I wouldn’t be happy either if my daughter was dating someone who was bisexual. I couldn’t imagine being with a man who had in the past been intimate with another man, if that makes me a dinosaur so be it.