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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think some school policies are at least partially responsible for the rise in pupil unhappiness?

488 replies

Alittlebitofmin · 18/08/2026 17:16

A friend’s kid described school like a prison. He is likely to be a school success story set to get really good grades, but sees school as something to mainly tolerate. AIBU to think the school system itself is at least a significant partial reason why teenagers report lower levels of happiness at schools in England? Schools seem increasingly punitive and restrictive, pressure seems high, some children are even made to feel guilty if they have a day off sick.

OP posts:
NervousSheepy · 18/08/2026 19:47

Lilymyriad · 18/08/2026 19:18

They're hideous and significantly worse than when we made the decision to home educate our children about 18 years ago. They were bad enough then and that was one of the factors in our decision.

I'm very glad our DC have never had the 'pleasure' of being incarcerated in a UK secondary school.

Incarcerated 😂

BoredZelda · 18/08/2026 19:48

My daughter is the kind of child who should absolutely love school in the way I did. She is fairly sociable, she loves a routine, likes to know the rules and follow them, she is academic but more that that she loves to learn.

She does not love school, she barely tolerates it now. She’s in her final year, has a place secured for uni, and I’ll be really surprised if she lasts til next year.

She finds many of the rules and procedures absolutely pointless. The focus on uniform rather than behaviour does her head in. There is no attempt on management to address any of the issues pupils raise, but they are quick to find a “solution” to the problems which arise from them. For example, they have long complained that too often WCs are out of order. This means trying to go at break or lunch means you can miss an entire break time waiting to go. So, more kids were asking to go during class times. Their solution? Locking WCs except at breaks. We raised merry hell and put a stop to that, but they still refused to do anything about the broken toilets. If you have PE first or last period, you still have to wear uniform to and from school. There aren’t big enough changing areas for all the kids, so this would have really helped. Instead, they have to queue up to use the changing areas, and lessons are shorter. They introduced a one way system during Covid. They decided to keep it, so now instead of turning left to go down stairs to your class just below, you have to walk the length of the corridor, go down stairs and walk all the way back. This actually leads to the corridors being fuller for longer and kids needing much longer to get to class. They sorted this by introducing a ten minute changeover time between classes, so again, classes are shorter.

None of this helps the kids, I’ve no idea how it helps the schools.

Marycontrarygarden · 18/08/2026 19:49

Merryoldgoat · 18/08/2026 18:21

Sorry I was typing slower than my brain - I mean the younger / newer teachers moving through the ranks who have experienced the harms and will make changes.

Nothing sinister!

Make changes? Lol. Teachers are not allowed to make changes.

backformoreofthesame · 18/08/2026 19:49

The curriculum is dull?

I think this is just another aspect - people expect lives to be fun and exciting and enjoyable all the time and that’s unrealistic

ilovesooty · 18/08/2026 19:51

Merryoldgoat · 18/08/2026 18:21

Sorry I was typing slower than my brain - I mean the younger / newer teachers moving through the ranks who have experienced the harms and will make changes.

Nothing sinister!

Ah I see. I don't think younger teachers tend to make changes. They tend to keep their heads down and do as they're told.

BoredZelda · 18/08/2026 19:54

ObelixtheGaul · 18/08/2026 19:06

But that's not really new, though. At secondary in the 80s, we had no end of supply.

I think what IS new is that the outcome is more important. There's more pressure on kids now because the sorts of jobs us average kids in the eighties would be getting would get us a mortgage, etc. It didn't matter that I was shit at maths. I could still get a job that enabled me to rent on my own and get a mortgage at a young age. These days, you have to do a lot better than I did just to survive. Schools are forced into pushing kids more because frankly they've got to be better just to get by. Gone are the days when you could afford to be average or below average, leave at 16 and walk into a factory job like I did (well, at 18 in my case, but you get what I mean).

Kids feel that.

I agree with this. The pressure put on kids these days is immense and it starts much younger than ever. It is dressed up as important they pass a test, but it’s actually more for the teachers/schools to look good on paper. I’m lucky our girl loved a test, still does, because the number of standardised tests they did right from early primary was way more than we ever did. She is an A student, without much effort but it was really difficult for us to keep her stress levels down.

BoredZelda · 18/08/2026 19:57

backformoreofthesame · 18/08/2026 19:49

The curriculum is dull?

I think this is just another aspect - people expect lives to be fun and exciting and enjoyable all the time and that’s unrealistic

These are children. You really think they should be beaten down to the point their lives are drudgery, before they even get in to the world of work? It’s one thing to say, sure there will be some subjects you just aren’t interested in, but to sit for years learning about things that don’t interest you in a way that is deathly boring, when you are a young teenager? You think that’s good for them? You think it benefits their education?

BoredZelda · 18/08/2026 20:03

angstridden2 · 18/08/2026 19:21

What would people criticising the education system like to see instead? Schools are under funded and inevitably have to cater for the majority. Pastoral care and performance tracking didn’t exist probably 25 years ago to the same extent. Many of the ‘draconian’ rules such as no toilet access is due to the appalling and intimidating behaviour of pupils. Most teachers would far rather be able to be relaxed and enjoy their classes, the behaviour of many pupils does not allow this to be the norm.
Its interesting that many posters would like to see a different system, others want schools to offer longer hours!

I’d like to see more funding put in to early years education to support children and families so that by the time they get to high school they are less likely to have problems. I’d like to see better mental health support in the community for children with additional needs, and more support for them at school. I’d like to see a proper attempt at closing the poverty gap to bring a generational improvement. I’d like to see schools becoming more of a community space where families can come and be familiar with staff. I’d like to see more schools engaging with mentoring programmes to help young people. I’d like to see young people treated with respect, rather than always seen as a problem.

And yes, I’d be happy to pay more tax to make this happen.

summershere99 · 18/08/2026 20:06

I agree - the world is changing, fast, and schools still appear to be using curriculum from when I was at school in the 80s. My DCs say the majority of lessons are boring - death by PowerPoint with not a lot of interaction or hands-on learning (not always the teacher's fault as they have so much content to cram in now) and kids are just being taught how to pass exams rather than developing a love for a particular subject. And then in some classes kids are getting told off if they so much as breathe too loudly. It's not a good recipe for creating a healthy leaning environment.

I also think the teacher-child relationship is very strained in a lot of schools. Teachers have to keep all the kids on task and be the disciplinarians and there is little room for building connection or rapport in the classroom and this then impacts on behaviour.

And then, for me, the teacher retention crisis highlights the fact that teachers hate the school environment too. Why do we expect kids to want to be there when teachers don't?

noblegiraffe · 18/08/2026 20:10

BoredZelda · 18/08/2026 19:57

These are children. You really think they should be beaten down to the point their lives are drudgery, before they even get in to the world of work? It’s one thing to say, sure there will be some subjects you just aren’t interested in, but to sit for years learning about things that don’t interest you in a way that is deathly boring, when you are a young teenager? You think that’s good for them? You think it benefits their education?

Well, yeah, teens want to be out hanging around the park with their mates or scrolling TikTok but it is definitely better for them to be in school learning things, even if they don't find them particularly interesting.

School is never going to be able to compete with TikTok, so there will inevitably be some element of just sucking it up.

FrippEnos · 18/08/2026 20:13

The curriculum is part of the problem but then so are some parents.
It doesn't help that kids don't know what to do when they are bored, they expect to be entertained at every moment.
Some rules are stupid.
Some parents will raise merry hell against any rule that they don't think that their little angel shouldn't have to follow.
Some parents think that teachers should be at their beck and call, so their kids do too.

But lets be really honest about this.
Some kids would hate school if it did everything that they wanted when the wanted it.

Alittlebitofmin · 18/08/2026 20:17

Of course it will be multi-factorial. I’m interested in the reasons for the decrease in in-school happiness. Does anyone have any data on suggestions made so far? For example, I can’t find data that parents value education less or that children have more freedom to be “feral” now than previously (opposite actually). I think it’s possible to think that education is important for example, whilst also thinking that has absolutely nothing to do with agreeing or disagreeing that taking a blazer off on a hot bus is detention-worthy.

I think teaching is a tough profession, worthy of a lot of respect. I don’t think teachers are infallible though and neither are schools…or pupils. There is a tendency from some schools to punish very minor infractions, whilst acting as though schools or teachers are infallible. I don’t think it’s helpful to badge teachers as feral or uninterested in education or only interested in their phones because teacher absence rates have increased in recent years, just as it’s not helpful to do the same to students.

OP posts:
TheMoth · 18/08/2026 20:23

I loved certain subjects in school, but even then there were boring bits. That's just life though. Again.

I've taught for over 20 years. Since pre ppt.Every fad or new way of engaging students has been tried out in some ways over the years. Much, much more imaginative than when i was in school and if you didn't get a personality teacher it was dull. But some kids are determined to hate everything. Even the times when every lesson had to have kids moving about etc.

I do blame Gove for knackering the Eng lit curriculum though.

Thingsthatgo · 18/08/2026 20:23

DS is 14 and absolutely loves his school. It’s a bog standard comp; quite large and fairly strict. But he is so happy there.
He didn’t love primary because he had a very troubled boy in his class who cause chaos every day, but his secondary school has been such a joyful experience for him.
When I ask him about his day he tells me about in-jokes he has with the teachers, a book that the librarian recommended to him, a wonderful club he went to at lunchtime, a trip that his history class is planning. It honestly all sounds so great, and supportive and tolerant.
I could not ask for more.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/08/2026 20:26

rwalker · 18/08/2026 17:26

No a lot are unhappy because there’s story and discipline
rather that being allowed to run feral like they do at home

A lot of children simply aren’t used to doing as they’re told. They’ve never been made to, so of course they don’t like it and resent it bitterly. ‘It’s not fair!’

usererror99 · 18/08/2026 20:31

I don’t see the issue with rules no matter how draconian. I went to a very Victorian style girls school which had very high pupil behaviour standards and I didn’t find my time there miserable - in fact I loved it. But today’s kids are different…. Ridiculously entitled, and pandered to. But then again I was probably the last generation that was smacked so there is that

hahabahbag · 18/08/2026 20:31

Blaming schools is way too simplistic. The schools are dealing with dc that do not know how to behave, how to cooperate with others, how to deal with rules because their parents never taught them. They use phones when told not to as well. Failing all of that they simply don’t attend school regularly and parents don’t make them go. Underlying mental health issues have always occurred in a small number, this wave of young people unable to cope with life is down to upbringing - don’t give them a choice and dc will be ok, give them a choice and they won’t comply

Blaieqd · 18/08/2026 20:41

Secondary has been much worse.
its the bad behaviour of the kids so on the kids themselves, somewhat the parents.
bullying
endless parents complaining their kids have sen. The kid who got exceeding on reading SATs who somehow has dyslexia.
The asd kid who is really popular, sociable, no issue with groups/groupwork/clubs, travelling alone etc.
The adhd kids who had no issues at all until suddenly.

What would i like that we dont have/didnt have?
primary
————
-Reading 1-2-1 with the teacher minimum 1 per week from reception to y1
– supervision better in playgrounds
— better social education in reception/y1
—- swimming lessons
— better pe. I feel maybe girls sidelined at primary as pe is mixed
—- reintroduce — levels AND gifted and talented— and ks1 SATs
secondary
————-
— more exclusions.
fewer isolations unless for serious things
—able to have weekend detention
— all schools having secondhand uniforrm sales
— homework marked and fed back
—- appropriate homework (ours is 90% revision
— end of year exams
— easier extra time for kids that arent finishing the work!

In terms of why kids hate school

  • seating plans so primary and secondary kids cant sit with friends
  • some schools intentionally separate friends for new school year.
  • at one PE in y4 they didnt even out out the art etc books.
  • schools who think kids are brighter if they work faster at maths etc.
  • no motivation by school to move kids from meeting to exceeding.
  • behaviour of some kids mean restrictions for the rest. Eg phone pouches. Some messing about in toilets.
Noodles1234 · 18/08/2026 20:43

Yes and no.

Look at the Secondary school called Michaela in Wembley, very poor area, lots of issues yet top school in England and beats many Private schools, it is strict.

Parents would be very surprised what goes in in schools nowadays, little parent input / soft parenting has given rise to unruly kids where parents immediately take their side amd refuse to accept any issues. Schools have to keep everything under control, one little thing even dodgy uniform causes unrest to that student and it quickly passes on to others. Quickly a herd mentality occurs in a classroom, or fighting, goading, videoing children or staff. There’s vaping where they hide it on themselves as they know they can’t be searched. You name it.

However, in amongst all this there are anxious / SEN kids breathing in all this drama and stress, it affects them and other sensitive kids, these are the ones that are most affected by bad behaviour, they can be very gifted and their talents are literally thrown away. Hence schools aim to keep a lid on things. There is clear evidence if you keep the little things in order the big things look after themselves.

One day cameras will be in state schools like they are in Private school classrooms, parents will be in for quite a shock.

This is why schools are strict.
If teaching was so good why doesnt everyone do it?

Pileoftrash · 18/08/2026 20:53

I was a teacher and now work in education. I won’t be sending my child to secondary school and she is only just coping at primary.

My take is:

Introduction of the knowledge rich curriculum over the last decade has made lessons more boring and geared towards a certain type of learner

Greater emphasis on measuring the effectiveness of teaching and pedagogy (i.e. what is most effective way to get aforementioned knowledge into brains) has also led to increased uniformity of lesson structure (some schools even have scripts for teachers)

Schools will adopt things that are proven to work to boost exam scores and leave table rankings etc.

Lots of teachers who have only been educated and worked in this environment are like fish in water, they don’t see that this is a narrowing of the purpose of school/education

These paradigms create a greater need for student compliance due to the way lessons are taught, there are lots of influential thinkers that have encouraged this trend, e.g. Teach Like A Champion

This plays out against a background of funding cuts, increased poverty, COVID etc so kids are already struggling before being put in this environment

MrsHamlet · 18/08/2026 20:55

Our toilets used to be open all day. Student council raised concern about them being broken so we got the LA - after a lot of fuss - to refurb one set. It cost them a lot of money and took a lot of time.

Within three days, a group of boys had met in the toilets, kicked the cisterns off the wall and wrenched the sinks out. And shat on the floor.

We know who it likely was thanks to CCTV but the parents are adamant that their kids wouldn't do that. They did.

So that block is back out of use. And now we have a toilet escort system.

Paddyshanks · 18/08/2026 20:57

Merryoldgoat · 18/08/2026 18:21

Sorry I was typing slower than my brain - I mean the younger / newer teachers moving through the ranks who have experienced the harms and will make changes.

Nothing sinister!

I doubt it. Sadly a lot of the rules are needed because some parents no longer say “no” or parent their offspring in any way. A softy approach would allow poor behaviour which is the main reason teachers are leaving in droves.

canisquaeso · 18/08/2026 21:07

I studied in a different country and yes, everything my DD has ever told me about HS here sounds like a nightmare.

I don’t know if this is country wide but at her HS frankly I find the concept of isolation absolutely baffling. It achieves nothing and was handed out for every other dumb reason. Why should a student spend their day in isolation (doing nothing, because no one bothered to even give them tasks) for forgetting their tie? What good did that do?

Upside though is I guess that there’s no such thing as failing the year and teachers are more flexible and less dictator-y.

concertinacornflake · 18/08/2026 21:21

Paddyshanks · 18/08/2026 20:57

I doubt it. Sadly a lot of the rules are needed because some parents no longer say “no” or parent their offspring in any way. A softy approach would allow poor behaviour which is the main reason teachers are leaving in droves.

The things I object to have zero to do with behaviour.

Pressure on uniform perfection for those known to be following the core rules.
Pressure on attendance even for kids with 99% attendance.
Pressure on grades even for kids known to be working very hard.

Pressure pressure pressure.

Teachers are leaving due to pressure on them too.

Pressure = stress. Stress = reduced performance.

Sunnywalker · 18/08/2026 21:26

Bluebeast · 18/08/2026 17:26

Depends on the kid and the policies.

Kids don't appreciate that certain policies can seem unfair and might make them miserable - but they're done to prevent something even worse happening to them.

You need to be more specific.

But some risk is acceptable. Total restrictions to prevent a rare adverse event at the detriment of the majority just doesn’t make sense.