Long one, sorry. Divorced about a year ago. We have two kids together
A 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. We do co-parenting but not in a strict "these are your days" way we're pretty flexible, whoever's turn it is with the kids, the other one still comes round or has them over if they're needed. It works for us
The divorce wasn't really about our marriage. It was her mum and sister. They had a huge amount of influence over her and it got to a point where I didn't feel good about it anymore, so I was the one who initiated the split. I didn't fight her on anything she got the house, I walked away with basically nothing, and she already had shares in my family's business from before anyway, so I didn't push on that either
Here's the thing that makes it complicated: she's still incredibly close to my family. She's round my parents' house all the time, comes to our family festivals and get togethers, my siblings take her on trips. My parents still treat her like their daughter in law. I get it, in a way we've known each other since we were 16, she's basically grown up as part of the family, there's a lot of shared history there. It doesn't upset me exactly, but it does make things feel unresolved, if that makes sense
So last week she asked me if I'd donate sperm so she can have a third baby. She said she's happy to sign away any parental rights, no custody claim, nothing basically just wants the biological material
I'll be honest, it stung more than I expected. It's not really about the paperwork or rights. It's that it made me feel like she sees me as just... a body that makes babies for her, rather than someone who'd have any actual connection to a child I helped create. Like I'm a means to an end
And now I can't stop wondering if this is actually about wanting a third kid, or if some part of her is hoping this brings us back together somehow. She was a good wife in a lot of ways and I did love her our issue was never really "us," it was her family and the fact that she never really stood up for our marriage against them.
I don't know what to do with any of this.